My crippled heartbreak lullaby,
wish I knew the reason why,
my heart cries out your name,
and I hide behind my shame.
He tried to smother me last night,
letting me chose if to live or to die.
I tried to fill this void in me,
but not everything is at it seems.
Surrounded by his voice,
it seems I have no other choice,
speak of love and how it feels,
even though I know love is not real.
Smile my empty heart,
you knew this would happen from the start,
no what is left is an empty patch,
this heart, no one can catch.
Smile my empty soul,
for what is left can't make you whole.
so much for today,
♥♥Saint Valentine"s Day♥♥
Author notes
"Smother me in your love song even though it's a goodbye one"
By: XXVampireeyesXX
Option 1: Heartache
In a list
- My HM's ( Hopeful Melodies) • next in list
- Months of the Year {2008} • next in list
- My Silver Sweeties • next in list
A contest entry
- I Hate Valentines Day by malevolent.
1750 points, ended February 14, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BROKEN HEARTED by DAMSELx.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stupid Cupid by xblakxrosexremainsx.
700 points, ended March 9, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Different by Dak.
450 points, ended February 29, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What do you think of when you hear #@$%! by Dragon24.
350 points, ended July 2, 2008, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Break My Heart by XkatsuneX.
350 points, ended June 16, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Everyone dreams of true love; even though it's not real....
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Its a great piece.
Your words and phrase are lovely and
poetic, as they should be
your rhyme is clean and clear.
great piece
: )
I was born that day: ) -
*damn girl*
you really made me think about tis poem:-) i love your depth, and the amount of feeling you put into your piece!!
"He tried to smother me last night,
letting me chose if to live or to die."
yes in life you have choices,yet not all of them go your way. this poem shows that.
"My crippled heartbreak lullaby,
wish I knew the reason why,"
your words here tottaly made me think. how can you not know the reason for your grief or heartache? but i get it now. well done and good luck in my contest.
-
This is quite intriging, and it makes me wish I knew the whole story of your words. Word choice was excellent, the rhyme didn't seem forced or rushed, and I enjoyed every stanza.
-
Wow...very dark and sad. The language was very poignant, though. Good luck in the contest.
-
very sensitive thoughts
this poem is beautiful and sensitive.. it made me think.
i loved it
the rhyme is awesome.
congtatulations for this piece
and.. thanks for being in my contest
"Surrounded by his voice,
it seems I have no other choice,
speak of love and how it feels,
even though I know love is not real." -
I get the feel as if the person in this poem is torn between the one they love that is gone, and the fact they can't love another because their heart can't end it: that's probably because you started your second stanza with "He" as if the subject were talking of a different guy. The other aspect I get from your poem may be what you are trying to convey, and that is that this person can't seen to love anyone and give them their heart and they don't know why. This could be because the person that is the subject of your poem is strong (not really such a bad thing if she can except it), or they are protecting themselves (also not such a bad thing if one can understand it); at the same time I have realized that sometimes you just love someone and not another, and you don't know why that is yourself, so it just takes meeting up with that person. Isn't love wonderful? (ooops) (LOL) Dig your background and your pic as well.
-
this is a very deep and thought provoking poem. lots of emotion through out it. you did an outstanding job with the rhyme scheme.
good luck in the contest
kat
-
-
thank you so much... i really appreciate it
-
-
DEEP!
your poem almost made me cry, its so sad, but its like the words were just flowing out. i think this is one of the best poem i read on this sit. =)
-
Very nice write. I love rhyme! You pulled it off very well in this peice. It reminds me of my writings. Awesome job! Thank you for submitting.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
