I stand above, in the darkening sky,
As people below are passing by,
Businessmen, Whores, Beggars, Thieves,
One man, for a woman, he grieves.
She was a pretty lady,
Before the men got her,
They themselves were shady,
Young women they do lure.
I myself can do nothing,
But hover above and watch,
As the man below attacked her,
And she kicked him in the crotch.
The other ran behind her,
And stabbed her in the breast,
She fell down to the muddy ground,
Never shall her spirit rest.
I stand above, in the darkening sky,
As people below are passing by,
Businessmen, Whores, Beggars, Thieves,
One man, for a woman, he grieves.
This story is quite common,
In the bustle of a city,
I watch it happen regularly,
And it fills me with deep pity.
Author notes
MCR option 1c
Angels are forbidden to interfere, but they must watch.
A contest entry
- ==Dark Contest,Lots of options!!!== by xXsoulxcollectorXx.
550 points, ended February 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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wonderful imagery in this steph, i'm sorry that i didn't comment on it sooner. It has a really effective flow in it and they rhyming is excellent, i also like the repeated verse, it created a nice effect overall a very nice write well done
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nice
that is really good nice flow and good rhyme
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wonderful job, this is very well done
i loved it
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have you ever heard the line guns dont kill people people kill people i agree with this and i understand the same wth every weapon this poem i ca completly understand and i agree with the words of it
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9pts...
Thank you for your contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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Interesting write you have penned here
excellent choice in sharing.
Ephiphany♥
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I like this dark narrative very much. You've done a great job preparing the scene and communicating the horror of it. I enjoy a nice meter, as yours has, and your rhyme is pretty smooth as well.
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I love you use the repetions very well and short but sweet.
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Well told story within this and the feeling of helplessness well expressed...a bit more work on the rhyming wd mk this a gr8 write.Best of luck
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hmm. i liked this poem. tis a sad thing that its true though. I liked the way that the two stanzas you repeated were in a different rhyme shceme, good job
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Such a sad state to only watch and not be able to lend assistance. Story well told in these lines; easy to read and understand. Good rhythm, rhyme and flow to this poem.
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This is a wonderful poem, sad but alluring... I love the repitition of the first stanza... I wish you the best of luck in the contest
Keep writing
Polly -
Dark poem, with a great amount of imagery captured inside the words actually - and I like that
well done!
Leander
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for some reason I thought I had already commented on this one but it isn't here ... this is a powerfully dark write and I love how you took the unusual path when writing it.
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This is an interesting point of view on a third person point of view poem. many of us often stand by and do nothing when we see someone in need because we don't want to get involved.
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This is such a dark view of the world around us, you have painted the picture very well on this piece
Karen
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I'm sure the angels looking down would be saying the very same thing. Great imagery! and very well crafted dark piece and unfortunately very true. Wonderful job on this...
Love & Light
Debbera
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original
I really enjoyed this write. I like how you have told it from a different perspective (the angels). I felt the rhyme was forced with "watch / crotch," but enjoyed the rest of the wording and the subject.
alby
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It is a sad story of today well told and nicely rhymed
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very nice!!!you really let the picture inspire you!!!thank you for entering the contest!!!
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this is a powerful and dark write which paints images withi your words and captures the option chosen perfectly.best of luck
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