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The Chance

 

Let me kiss away your sorrows
patch up your wounded heart,
Show you that there’s more to you
than what she tore apart.

 

I’d appreciate the beauty

you can’t see in yourself.
Talk you into remembering
dusty dreams upon your shelf.

 

I’d prove to you whole heartedly

that I would never go away

I would love you in the night
then I would love you in the day.

 

Let me be your warmest blanket
I would keep from the cold,
Someday a grey haired woman
that’s beside you growing old.

 

Spend my days giving to you
for all you want and need,
I would be a loving garden
for you to plant your seed.

 

To see you smile, my dearest love
on fire I would dance,
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
if only for the chance.

 

v

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • loveisfreedom
    October 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    bliss

    Sounds like a happy ever after were do I sine up good one. Oh ya and just so you know I have walked on fire it is an amazing experience


  • goat1826
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    Absolutely fantastic Jamie
    I don`t agree with chocoholics comments at all
    Beautiful poem
    wish it were me you were writing about

  • kieradb
    April 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i so want to use these as my vows one day jami


  • Sgt B
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Whooooops

    forgot these!

  • Sgt B
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    What a lovely Promise.

    I felt as if you were making this promise to ME! Great job! You really spilled the emotion out in this one. To get someone who has been through a rough relationship to trust you is sometimes a very difficult task indeed. But Love can sometimes win all. Good luck in the relation ship, and Good luck in the contest. Great Poem, Nice rhyme, & the flow was great as well.



    ~Ron~


  • Chocoholic156
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really sweet poem that has many emotions and thoughts pouring though its entirety. It is really nice, I love it. My favorite part was the last four lines, they really stand out in this, the part i would work on is this:
    "I’d appreciate the beauty

    you can’t see in yourself.
    I'd is I would, so why would you? You cut off the sentence before it was done. You would appreciate it, why? Sure it flows better, but if that is the only flaw in the poem then it would be easy to fix. I really like this poem, could you IM me when you fix it, or explain why you like it or had it that way. I am just trying to help. Good luck in the contest!


    • jamiedoring
      April 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Huh? lol

      I am a little confused, lol....by little I mean COMPLETLY confused. I think the whole "so why would you?" is trowing me off. Are you saying that the first line is not a complete thought? Maybe change it to:

      I’d appreciate your beauty
      you can’t see in yourself.

      Does changing THE to YOUR do it? lol...I honestly dont know what you mean here. If your asking why I am saying I'D rather than simply I, its because I am applying this to IF I could get my mitts on this man THIS is what I'D do, lol.

      I have no idea...I am all about editing my poem to make it better. But I think I need clarification here. Thanks!



      • Chocoholic156
        April 1, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Well, my thought is this, I'll give you an example.

        I'd be really tired tonight.

        Does that sentence make any sense to you? Same thing here. To me, at least.
        So I would change it to:

        I'd be really tired tonight because just I baby-sat.

        Do you get what i am getting at? I need the because, there is no reason or method to why "i'd appreciate your beauty"

        If I had to, just in the moment, i would change the two lines into this:

        Its so easy to see the beauty
        that you have made yourself blind to.

        I know the last line is kind of off, but I was just trying to give you another route to go on. Tell me how this works.

  • bluecollarlove
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I love this

    This is one of the best poems I have read in a long time


  • Patpowers silver member
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice work here Jamie! IT IS LOVELY!!! Congatulations on getting an honorable mention with this.


  • GoodKnightPoet
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem especially these lines: I would be a loving garden for you to plant your seed. Also, the way it begins: Let me kiss away your sorrows patch up your wounded heart,


  • jcat gold member
    February 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awwwwwwwwwwe!!! This was so lovely!!! I do believe you house the old soul of a romantic!!! Very well done!!


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    February 14, 2008

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    This was a great written piece!! I enjoyed every single letter of it!!! Thank you so much for entering this into my contest and may you find this love you so much want and desire!

    Have a lovely valentines day!
    ♥♥Becks


  • imperfectperfection
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Wow this is such a beautifully written poem that is no short of perfection not just the way its written but also the emotions are so very clear and the commitment you show here is breath taking... sure who ever he is, is bound to be the luckiest partner of yours for life, if he acts up, let me know, I'll kick some sense into him ... great write that showcases your poetic talent wonderfully... take care Minoo

  • mrme gold member
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I certainly hope you get the chance. Anyone would be a fool not to respond positively to this type of love. You display a tremendous level of giving of yourself in this write. What person would not be able to appreciate someone who is so unselfish and makes her Valentine the first priority in their life. This line stands out to me and seems to sum up perfectly the caring and giving type of person you obviously are:
    "I’d appreciate the beauty you can’t see in yourself"
    Excellent write my poet friend.

  • dillpickle62
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Talent!

    Having read a few in this contest. So many with much talent.
    The beauty of love. You dear lady write with wonderous feeling. I am digging the rhyms of Valentines. Best wishes
    for your poem in this contest.

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