Before I say my last goodbye
Attempt at guessing— Who am I?
Nighttime terrors, hopeless dreams
Slice my ears to kill the screams
Hide the faults and rip the seams
Cry for knives, the silver gleams
Looked upon, yet never blessed
The vivid darkness comes undressed
The heart that’s pounding in my chest,
The bane of solace puts to rest
Reverse affect on all the sound
Bright melodies have turned around
Lacerate, fall to the ground
Slashing sorrow, so profound
All will follow, none will find
The torn apart, destructive mind
Painful pleasure, lies behind
Searing stings, and going blind
Stare from eyes that cannot see
The self-afflicted lunacy
Continued burning, sets me free
Creeping to the third degree
Drenched and fractured, have no fear
Gasoline scent, the victim can steer
Some may mourn and some may cheer
Light the match, I disappear
If you’re still here, then you may go,
But who am I?.... You’ll never know.
Author notes
February 1, 2007... I have been diagnosed with Major Depression and sometimes it causes me to write things like this.
My username: Autumnsflame
4. or just write about anything relateing to this topick.
A contest entry
- POINTS- Easy Entries by NickelleteXninja.
600 points, ended July 8, 2008, 45 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - September is Suicide Awerness and Pervention Month by FallenFromGrace1102.
2620 points, ended October 3, 2008, 70 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom, come to me! - - - (Depressive/Sad/Dark) by Ebbing.X.Discreetly.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me some suicide poems.... by The-Scene-One.
400 points, ended June 28, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If you're suicidal or know someone who is... by Let.Me.Be.Dreaming.
500 points, ended July 22, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide and Pain by earthlover0915.
800 points, ended September 7, 168 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is Pain by mitchybaby.
1000 points, ended August 31, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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Great write, so dark, just what I want to read. Thank you for entering and good luck
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EXCELLENT. I love this. It's tragic-yes, but it's a wonderfully written poem.
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I have depression problems too... but it is good that you write things like this.
This is great. -
Awesome! I loved it. To be honest with you, I had to read it a second time to truly understand. Great poem.
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wow okay this was a really good poem and your emotion was so great and strong.
this was a really good write
good job
thankyou for entering my contest
xXalyXx -
the first stanza has great potential, but i feel it lacks the impact with the last line feeling a little awkward.
the second stanza is beautifully worded. but is *scams* meant to rhyme?
[creeping to the third degree] gives such an amazingly frantic feel.
(light the match, i disappear) because the coma signifies a slight pause, the effect is increased. very effective.
the flow is excellent and the vocab is interesting.
i got totally sucked into this poem when reading.
i enjoyed it greatly./ -
Sent a chill down my spine! Happy Samhain to you.
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jaded teardrop
that was an amazing poem...it flowed really welll and had a really nice rythym to it. the rythming in it was really good and amaxing to... I would do anything to be able to write like that... nice job in the contest...
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this had a great flow and rhyme to it and some deep emotion
congrats on the gold
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yikes
wow... this read like something i've never read before with its interminable flow, and perfect rhyming scheme.
"If you’re still here, then you may go,
But who am I?.... You’ll never know."
the case of so many who are diagnosed wtih depression, for half the time we don't even know who we are, let alone anyone else knowing. amazing write
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Amazing poem hun! It sad but such a beatiful write. Good job on the poem, I loved it.
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Absolutely beautiful! keep up the amazeing work. i really ejoyed this whole write. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. all the lines are my favorite in this piece but i'm going to pin point the ones i liked best:
"Nighttime terrors, hopeless dreams
Slice my ears to kill the screams
Hide the faults and rip the seams
Cry for knives, the silver gleams"
*~*bee*~*
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demented
twisted
AMAZING
thanks so much for entering
this was an amazing write
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Oh wow!! This was really great!
I'm not much of a fan of rhyming but I really liked this!
Great imagery!
Loved it!
Best of luck in the contest!
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wow
that is realy good ill definitly canciter it when i judge -
Awesome write, great word choice and flow, I like a poem that just kinda takes me through it effortlessly, and the last two lines really make for a great ending Well done, Thanx for entering and good luck!
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Holly S/H/I/T
THIS IS A VERY WELL PENNED OUT POEM.. IM IMPRESSED.. LOVE IT! -
Your mind is depressed, but your talent is true; Always in poems like this the silver lining shines through. ^^
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Congradulations.
Your poem has been chosen as a preliminary finalist and will recieve applause from me before I decide on the winners. Each poem also gets an additional comment that illustrates why it was chosen as a preliminary finalist.
The meter and rhyme in this piece is so text-book perfect that one might pass this piece by for it being "conventional". The truth is, people find poetry with rigid structure disenchanting because it is very, very difficult to work within those confines AND get the structure to work for the piece rather than against it and very few are able to manage this. You succeeded in this difficult task with this piece and made it look easy. A lot of people pass over poetry about cutting and burning without a second glance because there's so much of it. But then again, a lot of people have never been cutters and don't know what it is to find emotional relief in physical pain. they don't understand it so they find much of the poetry based around it to be "cheap" and "common". It's not the subject matter or the structure that makes a good poem. It's writing a good poem that makes a good poem. You have done this.
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Spot On
Great wordplay, awesome flow. Was a pleasurable read allowing a wide span of visuals and thoughts. Nicely done. -
wow.
as twisted and depressing as this work is, there's somethng almost manic about it. I can relate with many of the aspects described here, like how happy songs and situations can greatly exaerbate the state of depression. my condolences for your diagnosis. I know well that this will be a hard battle for you in dealing with and treating your illness. I have PTSD which sometimes causes me to go into states that are much like major depression so I actually know how this feels. Good luck in the contest. -
wow this is amazing!
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wonderful/wonderful!!!
you write wonderful. but things are never a bad as they seem. things will get better for you. i promise!!! you have to get some control. ok? things will get better. but DO keep writing. you are such a good writer. job well done. love gypsyfish
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this is amazing and i can relate to it
i to have major depression
and this is incredible
and got me close to home
thanx for entering -
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ya! i like this a lot... i love the torture that she indures
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DAMN!
Deeeeeep dude! I totally dig it! Couldnt have said it any better myself. KUDOS!
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WOW
wow is all that i can say about this poem. Its nicely worded and full of emotion and thought. very very nicely done! -
How true, you never know until the GRIM REAPER collects you and takes you off to the graveyard and then you are as dead as the proverbial dodo.
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Wow this is really good. You can tell it obviously means a lot to you.
xxx -
great write
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this is so good i love
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Awesome!
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Deep emotion run wild, grand imagery along with a nice flow adds so much to this raw truthful write I can so relate thank you for this entry
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Pretty amazing. Thanks for entering.
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this is amazing! So much emotion and feeling is in this write. I love the unusual rhyme.. it must have taken you ages to get words to fit with such rhythm and flow. I particularly like the last stanza- a perfect end to the poem. Also, I really can connect with the line: 'The self-afflicted lunacy' a perfect description of depression or related illnesses. I cannot fault this poem.
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wow
a wonderfully writen piece!!!!
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this is pretty amazing great write
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depressed or not this was good, no it was great! I give you ten thousand thumbs up.
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I was diagnosed with major depression too, so I know how you feel. But for the love of god i could never write this good!!!! amazing, i seriously love this. Great rhyme and good word choice. HOpe you place in the contest
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Amazing..
Did the rhyme just come to you, or did you have to think about it..I have to ask!
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That's a good question... I just sort of let it flow... it just came to me.
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Amazing poem! I loved how you rhymed it... I can't rhyme for life... D: I really liked how the ending and the beginning. And I dunno why but I like this stanza best: "Stare from eyes that cannot see
The self-afflicted lunacy
Continued burning, sets me free
Creeping to the third degree"
Hope you get better... :]
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This is really good! I am not joking!
I liked how you used Rhythmn in every line.
I liked how the words just expressed themselves.
I loved how you expressed your emotions in these words
I probaly could never write such a nice,expressive, and thoughtful poem as good as yours.
If this poem doesn't win an award in the contests you have answered the judges must be out of their minds!
Keep on writing such amazing poems!
*Stargirl*
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ACKK!
This is soooooo goood !
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Bravo
This is a wonderful poem that really stretches out the imagery of emotion. you did fantastic here and should be proud. "Drenched and fractured, have no fear
Gasoline scent, the victim can steer
Some may mourn and some may cheer
Light the match, I disappear" has to be my favorite stanza. Wonderful job. Keep writing, and keep me posted on anything new!
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i think this is an outstanding poem. great flow and rhyme.
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Wow...this is an amazing write. It truly is. I'm sorry about your diagnosis. This is great write about trying to find out just who you are, at least to me. You did an excellent job. It really made me think. Hope things get better for you God Bless and take care.
~kate
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i like it! over all it was really good. the only thing was i kinda lost interest towards the middle, but maybe thats just cuz i just woke up. ^_^ but the rhyming scheme was amazing. good write!
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wow, you did such a wonderful job explaining your torment. i just love your word choice and even though im not big on rhyme-- it flowed so flawlessly and was beautiful. i try to find my favorite part but all of it is just so amazing. every word descibing this poem is an understatement. great job, i hope you win the contest.
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Sorry the link was wrong. I will fix it.
Here it is.
http://www.freewebs.com/crossofchristfaithminsitry/evangelisttabithapike.htm
Who Am I?
What a wonderful song. I loved your poem.
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This is really good. I wish you would go to this site and listen to this song. It is also titled Who Am I..
http://www.cocfm.com/evangelisttabitharobin
or
http://www.cocfm.com/evangelisttabitharobin.htm
It is one or the other. But when I read your poem I thought of myself in the past. This song is really good and it is Titled "Who Am I" Really wonderful. The words will mend. -
Awesome! lol... not exactly the actions as described taken literally but just how real it all feels... hope you manage to eventually self "un-inflict" TC <3 Alex
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i love it
its like your looking for
your identity... what makes you you
keep up the great work
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wow. this was an awesome poem!! i could feel your pain, and it was almost like i was watching the scene unfold before my eyes... i love the phrasing, the words you used, and there was a great flow. nice write!!
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Wow.
Tons of rhyming, and it all seems to flow very well. Too bad you have to be in such a dark place to harvest these images, though. Hope you can recover back out into a brighter world.
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Ahh great stuff, the rhyming seemed so simple but you pulled it off very nicely and used words which weren't the obvious choice.
Although your poem is something that is touched on by a lot of people on here I think you did it well and differently...and I think that is actually because you know what you're talking about. To me most of the "depressed/bipolar/suicidal" people on here aren't that at all, they have no idea what it's like to be in the position that you can find yourself in and so they write pathetic poems expressing a hate for the world just to get attention or because they THINK they're depressed. They annoy me if you couldn't tell.
Having said that, I don't think this is your best write, but then again even you not at your best is a lot better than most people can come up with, and writing a "best" every time is impossible anyway.
I like how it begins and ends, a nice touch.
Good job, take care x
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Great write, the abstract imagery is fantastic. It flows perfectly... Fav bit :
'Looked upon, yet never blessed
The vivid darkness comes undressed
The heart that’s pounding in my chest,
The bane of solace puts to rest'
Awesome stanza =P
Keep up the great writing
-x-Underdose-x-
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Amazing..
Wow
I can't write rhymin for some reason it never works.
but i wish 1 day i could write like your it was amazing!!
especial this bit 'Nighttime terrors, hopeless dreams
Slice my ears to kill the screams
Hide the faults and rip the seams
Cry for knives, the silver gleams'!!
Loved that! =]
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this is an incredible poem and you have wrote it beautifully, i wish someday i could write like this, keep up the great work
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Amazing!
Wow...
This poem is so powerful and I am puzzled by the question..desiring to know the answer! I wrote one similiar to this a long time ago. It's not on here but it had to do with time and I admit that your poem inspires me to write one again!
Great job! I would love seeing more like this!
~Elenna~
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Good question, a question we all want to know. I wrote some poems like thiis when I was diagnosed with bipolar, i started having those questions. Its hard, I know, stay strong.
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Good rhyme scheme - you don't just rhyme one-syllable words and that's very important in rhyme (& something I can never manage... I'm jealous). The rhythm is spot on except in line 24 (you're two syllables off so it throws off the pattern.. not a big deal, but fixable if you feel like it).
As for the content, it's good to see a more mature poem on this subject - usually the poems written about this aren't very good or just come off cliche and almost whining, but your talent as a writer supercedes that and makes it something I'm okay with reading (as a person who generally will not finish a poem about cutting or suicide, this is a compliment). Also, the couplets at the beginning and end really serve to bring the poem full circle.
Altogether good write.
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Dark and beautiful
An excellent poem and, in my humble opinion, one of your best. The last two lines bring together everything that has come before. The flow is great and the rhythm and rhyme pattern are distinctive without being heavy handed.
The question "Who am I" is clearly one you are asking of yourself, as well as the reader. Well, I have a suggestion: YOU are a talented poet who is intelligent, emotional, and sensitive. Your style is evolving and I enjoyed this poem a great deal.
You keep writing poems like this and you will be the famous poet whose poems we will soon have to buy at the bookstore and can't get for free on AP.
Well done.
CaliOkie
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Not bad, though I'd fix some grammar stuff there or replace some commas for particles, giving more syllables and structure to the poem.
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it has a lyrical flow,very nice and yes dark,very well written!!!
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so sad and beautiful this pulls form the depths of the soul and lays out all the pain all the feelings. A amazing well of emotion! Well done!!!
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its beautifil n dark
welldone
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