When I have a day that has brought me down,
My whole life comes crashing down around me,
Hearing your voice can make my problems disappear
But I’ve begun to wonder…
Has the magic run out of out love?
The spark I felt died out?
If it turns out to be that wat id had was lost,
My life as I know it had ended
You are my light in the dark,
My sun in the rain,
My stars in the heavens
Please let it you still be…
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
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When I have a day that has brought me down,
My whole life comes crashing down around me,
Hearing your voice can make my problems disappear
It's awesome having someone like that in your life, and we all need one don't we.
I love the way you phrased that.
I like the emotions here,it is very heartfelt.
Has the magic run out of out love?
That confused me a bit, I'm thinking your just wanting to know if the magic ran out? Or are you wanting to know if the love is gone?
My life as I know it had ended
The grammer here threw me off a bit. There isn't a need for "it" in reference to present tense. If your talking how things were, you might want to think about "had known it" or "knew" actually would probably sound more fluid?
You are my light in the dark,
My sun in the rain,
My stars in the heavens
HOTT! I love how you did those three lines
Please let it you still be…
Grammer threw me here, it's broken. You might want to try something like
"Please let it still be you..." ?
I hope you don't mind me breaking it down like I did, I love this poem it's truely awesome, just since you have "please tell me what you think" here I had to through in my two sense
I think it would be stronger being put through grammer check, but all in all a beautiful write indeed.
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This is nice. great write
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very well wriittern hun. u hav amazing talent
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Excellent
Very beautiful! I enjoyed reading this in The Loft. Thank you for sharing this.
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It's a terrible feeling when you feel
like you've lost everything in this world.
Especially, when the one you love isn't
there for you anymore. If this is true
for you, I hope that everything works out.
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing
this here!
Jeremy0826 -
WOW, I love this! Eighty-five thousand appluads
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When the hearts string are tugged at
By the flames of who we are and what were feeling
Beautiful emotions are portrayed in the paintings
Of our souls, and this is a very beautifully written piece by you.
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Nicely done Sam. Good read, good write.
Do more.
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