You were drunk
and wouldn't say a name
so we named you.
You were philisophical
and would argue
so we labelled you wrong.
You questioned existance
but ate our food
so you're still doing the dishes.
We saw.
We told.
You are.
Author notes
Based on a true story, do I really need the last bit or does it make it way to obvious?
A contest entry
- Anything Goes by karmacae.
700 points, ended February 14, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Identity by AaronReed.
650 points, ended February 6, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do YOU think? (If you exist)
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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love the third stanza. one of those everyday moments where abstract ideas and the practical collide, sure you can talk lofty ideas all you want and we'll tolerate it, but it doesn't really have any impact on concrete daily life. could go a lot deeper into it, love when stuff's presented like that, simple, but multiple layers could dig up if choose to, sense the depth.
the first stanza is intriguing but a bit confusing, and think the last stanza works fine, might be kind of snappy just cutting it off at the end of the third. depends on if you want to end on a sharp note, with the collision and triumph of the practical, or a more "philosophical" gentler landing. hard for me to assess whether or not you should include it, especially because the third stanzas so striking and awesome to me that everything else somewhat drops behind.
my main qualm with this poem is the end of the second stanza, found it a little stark, extreme, almost felt a moral coming, though didn't actually manifest itself or even go in that direction at all, can't explain it exactly but feel like if anything, that's where might focus.
but honestly an excellent poem, really appreciated this. -
I like the last bit...drew in the philosphy bit, and really provided...a sort of closure, a...signal of the end. Without it, you'd feel lost reading it...
What a lovely little piece...really makes me curious as to who terrence is...when I read the first stanza, I thought someone had had a baby...look's whose drunk...
bleh
K8fairy with a baby? Right now? No way...maybe in a few years...
I was confused
~luv Hippie
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I like the way it is going. No, I don't think you need the last stanza, or as it is. You might do better to use a different word or spend a bit more time showing us "Philisophical" and how the subject "questioned existance". I would drop those two words just because they are so weighted they take away from the rest of the poem. But, I like this poem and I think I identify quite well with the subject. Thank you.
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little hard to grasp
its deep but the concept is hard to grasp. are u talking about someone u met. and the story goes on. or is it much deeper then that. plz do tell.
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This is about one of my old flatmates, he was a philosophy student, he was always arguing with me about random stuff, it was fun except when he claimed he didn't exist and so didn't have to do the dishes.
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haha
lol i love ur poems, how they really seem so deep but in all reality just really have a simplictic concept.(at least some of them are like this) -
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I like that mix, I like looking at things in my life and thinking in layers.
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