I loved him more than life itself
I thought it would last forever
Planning for our future
I thought I was oh so clever
Anything I would do for him
We fit like bread and butter
The only man, still to date
to make the butterflies flutter
My first real love
I was just a girl
Four years, we were as one
Playing house was everything I dreamed of
The game of love, I thought I'd won
Till the day his fingers found my throat
And lift me off the ground
The peacefulness I used to feel
That love, no where around
Showing off for his friends
In a jealous drunken rage
And in a moment,
a split second....
my whole world changed
No longer did I look at him
with admiration and respect
Instead I choose to walk away,
my life I needed to protect
He promised it would never happen again,
Hmmm....I had heard that once before!
My heart no longer in it
I headed for the door
He went to work that morning,
as he done so many times before
but when he returned,
the house was empty
and I was long gone.....
Author notes
Contest "Hate the sin but love the sinner"
In a list
- Sad • next in list
- Rhyme • next in list
- abuse physical/drugs/mental • next in list
- Personal • next in list
A contest entry
- ~Abuse~And it's Effects~----I Hate the Games but Love the Player--- by Clinging-to-Life.
700 points, ended February 26, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just How Bad Is It...? by Laura-Critchley.
1200 points, ended February 28, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
new writer, would love critique and feedback
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Sickdiculous
Wow, the true stuff is the deepest, no? I'd have to agree with Mairi about the "undisiplined" parts and how they add to the feeling of the poem. But I'd decline to call them undisiplined. More like merely struggling to make the drama of a bad situation fit within the narrow confines of even rhythm. But that does add to this poem. A bad relationship is far from "even" and is rarely "normal". This poem seriously struck me because it describes a situation that was almost my own; execpt I was the abuser. I've been an alcoholic for 14 years (recovering now). It wreaked havok on my marriage and my mind. Fortunately I was never physicaly abusive, but damn near it several times and verbaly, emotionaly, and mentaly abusive more times than I'd like to admitt. If you're smashing things around the house, it's tramatizing and you might as well be hitting the person you're affecting.
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Alcohol is nothing but trouble. I was a underage alcoholic. Ended me in jail at 18 (for assault and battery) and I learned a valuable lesson that night. I gave up the hard stuff, the blackouts ceased. My first love was an alcoholic and my last love/fiance was a closet alcoholic. both showed violence. one with me, the other with himself and guns. I couldn't take either. I realize its a sickness, but they won't change because you want them too. Neither have changed to this day, and I am glad that I got away. No one should live in fear and misery. Live is meant to be happyily fulfilled. thanks for commentng and glad you learned your lesson too. Life can be so good if you open your eyes to it without all the extra curricular activities that cloud your vision. Jen
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There is strength and confidence to the work... it seems slightly undisciplined in places, but that is as though the emotional disturbance has taken over, and that gives a panicky effect, germane to the subject.
I too hope that if this was a personal experience, you have been able to survive well. Congratulations on the silver.
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Most of my writings come from real life experiences. Survival is what I do best. Lifes lessons make you stronger. Thanks for commenting. Jen
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I'm sorry this has happened to you.
I'm so glad that you managed to be brave enough to walk away; before it got too bad. So many women don't. So many women stay and take it. I'm glad you got away.
Thank you so much for entering my contest.
Laura, <3
P.S: Take care! -
I feel so sorry for you if this is a true story. I am proud to know you and that you had the courage to walk away. Your poem is well done and very emotional.
Love,
Amera♥
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Well written...can easily relate to a similar relationship...after him I met my soulmate who kept me on a pedestal for 32 years, unti God called him home...
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Smart move
90 per cent chance it would have happened again. Well written explanation of pain.
Buddy
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Any man that hits on his woman or any woman for that matter -should get his ass thoroughly stompped!
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Oh my...I can relate to this in a sense. The feelings and whatnot, however, I wasnt smart enough to leave the man that made everything seem alright. Thank you so much for your entry Great, though sad, write.
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i'm sorry, if this happened to you, that it happened to you...
when love's light shatters, the pieces can never be glued back together.
Love, Lane
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No regrets, lessons learned
Its been almost 20 years since this, and i still hope that one day, the butterfly will flap his wings in my heart, and i'll find love once again.
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the story behind these lines is deep. the rhyming sounds a bit forced, but when rhyming its hard to make it sound natural. all in all, this is a pretty good poem! thanks for sharing
legendd
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