Every word that you write is the start of a river,
Tumbling and fumbling its way to the sea.
All of the sounds that they send from the giver,
Spreading your thoughts and emotions to me.
The mountains inside are the source of the writing,
Building and growing and crashing on down.
Finding a path through deep gullies exciting,
Feeding the greens and refreshing the brown.
Joining and merging and spreading and growing
Poetry forms where the cold rivers meet,
Emotions and love and thoughts they are showing,
The sugars and spices that make living sweet.
Now that the words are a poem of stature,
The life that surrounds them can blossom and thrive.
Filling the heads of the readers with rapture,
Making me feel that I'm glad I'm alive.
The poems from poets the sighs of the readers
Merging together, the sea of ideas.
The richness of thought can now nourish the feeders,
Foundations of life, throughout all of the years.
Author notes
Inspired by "Words are flowing out like..." The opening line of Across the Universe by The Beatles and dedicated to all my favourites and to the great poets I read on AP.
Note for US readers in the UK "years" and "ideas" are perfect rhymes and poem is two syllables, cannot fix the latter but I shall look for an international rhyme to replace the ending. I wrote a version of this poem for Amera, whose poetry inspired a big improvement in mine, it uses some more US friendly pronunciation, you may prefer it, it is called Amera's River
Keep filling the sea chaps!
"Across the Universe" "Jai guru deva om"
In a list
A contest entry
- MANY OPTIONS! by Carpe Noctem.
300 points, ended February 23, 2008, 1 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of All Your Rhymes by One Angry Monkey.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOOKING FOR NEW FAVORITES!!! by Auburn Sunrise.
600 points, ended March 25, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Words Are Flowing Out Like Endless Rain Into A Paper Cup. by LucyLightning.
410 points, ended April 16, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Invite For... Silver winners Judged by RedwingSpirit.
475 points, ended April 4, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Me A River...Literally! Get On The Mic! by Domz101.
700 points, ended May 1, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take a Sad Song & Make It Better (BEATLES!!) by kill the lights.
300 points, ended May 17, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blockbreaking (Come One, Come All!) by Connor Blackbird.
850 points, ended June 17, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best 2 by xXFreedom-of-LoveXx.
400 points, ended June 7, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RHYMING TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG!!!!!! by cbsbecm88.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF-Because I feel like it! :) Pic and Song Prompts!! by pinksnowboots.
1300 points, ended April 20, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.
Comments
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This is awesome.
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****
Again I had to comment on this, your rhymes work perfectly, as a rhymer myself...i know how hard it can be to find a word that rhymes but also fits to the context; and you succeed in doing this all the time. I loved it how your title makes the reader first think that theres going to be a massive amount of random words but you actually start commenting about chains and outcomes of words being put one after another. This is probably one of the most interesting uses of river as a symbol. I will keep on reading and reading your poems as your rhymes don't just rhyme...but give a message...I have no idea how this poem could improve, because it simply can't. It is just that good. Keep it up.
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You are a true poet well done
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very nicely written, well done
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Very well written....Love the flow , words used. overall amazing write....
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Well written words to keep the river flowing
Well done, thank you -
Words unlike money
Don't get things done
Words can be funny
But money is more fun
Tiki Cat, Financial Advisor to the Queen
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nicely done
Hi Jeff, nice work here.. I loved the imagery, though I can tell you have been showered with flowery well-deserved comments on this piece. I would like to offer suggestions.. not that you have to listen to me, but I look for suggestions and assume others do as well. verse 4 ending with "me" seemed like every poet's words flow to you. I know you didn't mean it that way, but that was my 1st impression. Then line 9 you say "growing" when you already told us that in line 6... (from one who likes to look for redundancies and challenge every word). you addressed the "ideas/years" issue, though I'm sure you have a lot of readers who that doesn't rhyme for... it would seem like it could easily be changed. Not being critical, just trying to be helpful... nice work, I would like to read more. oh, and if you don't really want this type of review just let me know... thanks for sharing your gift - and I would welcome any critics (the tougher the better) - thanks - Kevin
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no doubt you deseved all the trophy you won
Fantastic rhyme and of course. WOW!
TRULY INSPIRATION AND EXCEPTIONAL WRITE
but I see you scored a 45
fantastic, a pleasure to read
God bless you my friend...
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Title-9 went with the poem very well and you mentioned the metaphoric river and sea many times throughout!
Flow-9.5 this poem had a wonderful flow and rhyme sceme i very much enjoyed reading it!
Rules-10
Creativity-9 it was very unique how you thought of the words creating the river
Song-7.5 it was based off of 1 line in the song
Total-45
great job! -
the poem is filled with meaning
and depth. It has an excellent flow and the rhyme pattern I find very interesting, it provides a useful type of poem writing in rhyme for those, like myself, who are learning to write better rhyme. Seems you have a wide range of rhyming ability.
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Think I may have commented on this in the past (as I have had the pleasure of reading this piece at least once before) but I got a chance to enjoy it again today, so I figured the least I could do was comment on it. Beautiful piece from beginning to end. Loved the imagery, the metaphor and the rhyming. Really a great piece!!
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Thank-you it is one of my favourite of my poems and addressed to all the other members of this site
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Across the Universe is a great movie and even better album. This poem is excellent full of fun metaphor and fine diction working through nicely laid enjambment. Peace, Dannie
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This is a song, and a lovely one at that.
A Beatles classic may have inspired it but it is all on its one and I loved reading it.
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Very nice ...
and since your cheering section has covered anything I could possibly say a dozen times over, I'll leave it at that. -
This is a stunning write! It has garnered a few trophies, I see...only fitting for such fantastic reading material!
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thanks for joining the contest
take care -
BRAVO!!!!!!!
ooo!
I liked this very much!
all trophies are deserved!
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On a mechanical level this is really solid. Your meter is - from my reading - flawless, which is something I myself have a hard time maintaining. The rhythm wasn't singsongy and I could see this being read a lot of different ways if it were recited. The metaphor of poetry being like nature is a little overdone but you played it off well and didn't try too hard for it. My only complaint was that sometimes the syntax seemed a little forced to achieve a rhyme - l.11 and l.16 both just read a little oddly to me - but that's almost inevitable if you're going to hold yourself to a form like this.
There's something remarkably cool about the unflashiness of this poem. Well done.
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Great flow, great rhyme, this is really good.
Thanks for entering.
[stay sick']
xx Sin -
this is writing!
amazing, truly brilliant, i think i love your writing style, amazing - domz
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good job
unique theme
the words of a poet are endless indeed
all the time, somewhere, someone in need
to take a journey so our words they read
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i like the way you described everything
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Amazing
This is an amazing piece and so very true.
You have accurately and beautifully described the way
poetry should be.
Too many poets i have come across insult a poem/poet by saying that they must have form or rhyme and it should convey this or that. I always thought that poetry was meant to express a meaning and regardless of whether every reader understands or interprets it well means nothing.
To me you have described poetry in the way which it should be described...poetically.
Fantastic write
xoxo -
This is SOOOoooo smooth. I have not read much of your poetry, it is hard when you know someone slightly, what would I do if I hated it, or worse loved it?
It is worse. This is so poetical, so lyrical, so right. I have been reading Mairi bheag and Amera. Now I have to read you too.
This is wonderful.
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Deep
This was a profoundly written poem with
deep meaning. The rivers of life run from
the streams of expression. Even creation
according to the bible was brought into bein
by the spoken word of God. Life and death has
been said to be in the power of the tongue.
We are a world of communicators. Technology
has advanced this ability to infinity and
beyond. It would be nice if we could find a
way to use this powerful tool for good instead
of evil. Nice work.
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very nice poem you have written here. i like how you've captured the essence and comparison of someone's words to a river, i love the idea and i often feel that when someone's talking to be, i'm drowning in a river ^.^
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Most wonderfully and beautifully written, my friend!
Most worthy of those trophies!
Awesomely worded
Wishing you the very best! -
SUPERB!!!
WOW!!! Hard to see anything wrong here (except for po-ems. Why not poems?) But this is superb, an avalance of upbeat vitality that fills the reader with the pure joy of a poet who knows how to write and does so unabashedly well with that priceless optimism. I don't know what to say except that you have brightenend my day and I sincerely thank you. GREAT JOB!!! - OCERUS
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The po-ems is because quite a few American readers complained about the syllable count. Pronounced Pome for many it seems, but Po-em for me
Thanks for the review
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Wow Jeff for a poem about words the images you make here are outstanding. As I can't scan for toffee I won't try, but it reads great. xxx
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I thoroughly enjoyed this write. It gives such understanding for what we " lover's of words," feel and think about this subject. Loved it! Bravo!
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BRAVO!
I kinda believe poets will save humanity from ourselves. But, we'll need many,many to achieve it! Ha! Beautiful verse,so possitive in nature/nurture.
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this is a deep poem that i REALLY like, i think i may enter it on my favorites!
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Wow, this poem has a great flow to it, each rhyme has an excellent flow. Very well done.
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Absolutely beautiful
I feel like a spring trout!
That's a compliment, we have beautiful rainbow trout in
WA.!
The beauty of writing and the lovely flow of rivers
that pour out of our souls!
wonderfully translated for us to appreciate and enjoy!
ears/Seattle absolutely beauty of a poem!
Please pass the tartar sauce, think i'll stay and
enjoy this poem awhile!
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i really like this poem. It says a lot. I enjoy reading poems that i can relate to and understand. Keep it up.
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Oh. This is a cute little poem that you have penned in here. It made me think that you're someone that has been at AP for a long while and is showing your appreciation for all the wonderful poems that are on this site. I don't know. Maybe it's just my own interpertation but that's what it sounded like to me.
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Not that long, but I do very much appreciate the wonderful poetry there is to read here. The poem was dedicated to the poets who entered a large series of contests I ran with a friend.
The overall winner of that series got her own version of this, written in a "US pronunciation friendly" way.
If you want to compare the two it is here http://allpoetry.com/poem/3882703
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Your best. Good for anyone actually. Well done.
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Stunning! I loved the use of the sea as a metaphor for how words come and go. This was nicely penned.
"The life that surrounds them can blossom and thrive.
Filling the heads of the readers with rapture,
Making me feel that I'm glad I'm alive"
I personally loved these lines -
a lovely metaphor of words flowing aand merging in an ocean of poetry for all to bathe in.
The po-ems from poets the sighs of the readers
Merging together, the sea of ideas.
The richness of thought can now nourish the feeders,
Foundations of life, throughout all of the years. -
Absolutely beautiful and true. WE share and read pieces of each other, this is how we become connected and inspired. Great metaphors, flow and seemless rhyme! Thank you for featuring this, this was my first read this morning, what a wonderful way to begin.
blessings,
Michelle
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Very well done.
I enjoyed reading this as it shows just what the poet is trying to convey with thier writing. I found it to be well thought out and a completely interesting concept with the use of nature to get across your poems meaning. Wonderfully phrased I particularely liked the title as there couldn't be a better one for this. This has a very good flow to it and is so easy to read and I agree that it should have gotten more gold awards. I loved it.
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awesome i think u should get some 10000 more gold for this one coz its just fabuluous so right so true so nice just rockinggggg
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I really, really enjoyed this poem!! a wonderful job!! extremely well done! great rhyme!! I love the begining "Every word that you write is the start of a river,
Tumbling and fumbling its way to the sea." because its soo true!! once again, a really great piece! and I wish you the best of luck in all of your contests!
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i love it
it has so much to it, the depth, the intrigue, and the beauty in every line making it all the more significant than the last.
the imagery is wonderful, and the rhyme unique and unpredictable. a stunning write.
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What to say...Where to start...
the rhyme and flow of this piece was amazing...I was captivated by the first few lines and I didn't lose intrest all the way through. such an amazing piece
You write with such a creative genius. This is the third poem of yours I have read and already you are becoming my fav poet...not only on this site but of all the many poets, who's works I have read.
well done
- Ðustin -
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I consider this to be my best poem, and one I strive to better all the time. It contains much of what I love, it has a musical meter, it speaks of my love of words and especially poetry and it conveys what I hope my words do, what I hope all poets words do, if it got any of that across to you I am delighted
Thank-you again for kind words.
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Like the rhyme, as it is very difficult to keep one so consistent while still managing to get a point intact and clear. Liked the poem a lot great imagery especially the metaphoric idea of poetry as a river, though I'm afraid I can't say much positive about cricket, an interest which I have never fully understood.
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I like this it is very unique writing about writing lol I like The po-ems from poets the sighs of the readers
Merging together, the sea of ideas. These lines the best. Great rhyme and flow. Thank you for taking the time to enter this into my contest. I wish you the best of luck. Make saure you check the other four for your name as well.
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I really enjoy this a lot.
The opening & the ending really do the poem a lot of justice because it makes the middle even more interesting. The whole poem really sets in parts for me.
I don't know if you intended to do that, but I think it's great.
The first part- It opens up & really gives you the feel of calm, serenity, peace.
the middle part- it expresses joy, comfort, harmony
the last part- It really ties all of which the poem has been expressing. Gets you really thinking about life.
I deeply enjoyed this. =D
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Great job, Jeff.
I like the perfect form of your rhyme and meter.
Your imagery and metaphors are exquisite.
You are definitely being added to favorites!
I have a feeling I'll enjoy many more of your poems.
Thank you for entering this awesome write!
Good luck in the contest! -
You have sustained the metaphor of flowing words and expanded on it with mountains and fields, I was impressed as the poem developed its theme. The hyphens in poem were distracting, though I see why you did it; the meter is steady and lilting, except
"Emotions and love (-) and thoughts they are showing,"
Your metaphor has provided lovely imagery for your flow of words, and I enjoyed reading, thank you.
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I thought this was a pretty darn good "po-em" (I don't know why you put the dash), I really enjoyed this especially all of the imagery you put into it. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Well, it's apparent you do rhyme well. That's refreshing.
But there's something else . . .
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This poem is ...
well deserving of your trophies and I'm glad that you posted it so I could share in your thoughts. It is nicely written and while I'm not so sure about the "idea (I-dee-ER as they say in the South) I suppose that it will maybe go back to the drawing board sooner or later. joy
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If you Want the Americanised version look for Amera's River which is this poem rewritten for her
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If you Want the Americanised version look for Amera's River which is this poem rewritten for her
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Liked the metaphor used here, great flow, rhythm and rhyme as well. Congratulations on the trophies you have already won with this poem.
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wow this created such a beautiful scene in my mind great imagery! your words are inspiring and are wonderfully put together. your art is a true masterpiece!
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Thank-you, I love this poem with a passion, and I can't get enough of other people liking it!
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Wow. Your rhyme is exquisite and this poem has left me breathless. Well done!
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Great job seriously. I loved the flow and rhyme, so perfect. Thanks very much for entering, and best of luck!
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Every word that you write is the start of a river
This was jsut absolutely awesome! I never thought about it that way and yet it is so tru -
I loved the thoughts in this poem and comparing words to a river, I hadn't thought of them like that, you made me see your meaning.
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What better way to start a poem than with Sir Winston J Lennon's thoughts-
Masterpiece from start to finish-hope this doesn't enlarge the head area!!! Blessings - Hilly - xxx
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Loved this, made me feel the way I did when I first heard that particular Beatles song as a child in love with the idea of universal peace and love. Really flows well, as it must. Bravo, best of luck.
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yes, enjoyed it
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yes
Enjoyed it. -
Hmm... Yes
This is interesting for sure, you showed talent for raw imagery & rhyme but I'm curious of what else you can do. I am not sure if I can match this up to the talent of the other pieces yet but I see lots of potential. The first part of the poem was good but by the time I reached the second half or so I was beginning to become bored. Keep it exciting. Please wait the other judges responses patiently. Thanks; Ryan -
Yes
I've commented this before and shall spare you a repeat of my previous words.
Good luck!!
La x
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Oh. This is a cute little poem that you have penned in here. It made me think of two poets that are corresponding with poetry back and forth and have fallen in love with each other. Or something like that. Lestways, that's how it sounds to me but maybe I'm just romantizing it. lol I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself.
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Your poem flows just like the river that you write about, enriching us with fresh waters, Ros
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This is a wonderful poem ...
and who cares about the naysayers? People who don't like this have serious problems (which I won't go into now), but they certainly aren't worth worrying about. Okay to use this one then?
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The more people who read it the happier I am!
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the sea filled
For reasons of rhyme or a shoe shine, words that
go or those that just show..for reasons of clime..
never the same those that read and then find a sea
of all words divine.. inspiring words of yours inspiring others in this sea that binds.
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A very strong piece of work, well-structured, and with excellent use of language.
(Jings! I sound like a bloody teacher marking homework!)
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I intend to come back and read again, something I picked up here 'po em' do you suppose that came from 'Poe emulator' hhhhhmmmmmmmm....
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If I ever get close to that I'll be bloody happy!
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I thought this was a very good poem, even with the UK quirks
It does flow rather well beautifully. Keep up the good work!
~Adara -
Excellent use rhythm and rhyme here I love the idea of poetry being a river that builds and grows as it touches one reader then another. Two of my favorite loves in this piece: poetry and the sea. Truly a beautiful pice of writing this is
Ruth
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Beautiful poem
I've enjoyed your poem here as it is powerful and positive. Poets need encouraging words as well as the readers in the process of our teaching we too learn. Awesome write once again and good luck to you.
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Fabulous
I love the flow of the thoughts and the words .. delightful ...
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The sentiments here are good indeed, overall I like and appreciate the content here. But...there's alot of unnecessary repetitiveness in "and", I feel the filler word could've been ditched in places and been replaced with something that would've enriched this piece. I have to agree with Amera too on the "ideas" and "years" rhyme, it just didn't work for me...also "poem" being 2 syllables - I think it's more of a local pronunciation thing, because I'm english and my accent doesnt dictate for me to read it as "po-em". I like the flow of this though, it's consistent throughout...is it iambic pentameter? (you already know I'm blonde in that department
)
Thanks for sharing.
La x
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No not iambic, here we have strayed from the evil binary feet to ternaries
not di DUM
but ti ti TUM ti ti TUM ti ti TUM
ev-ry-WORD that-you-WRITE is-the-START of-a-RIV-er
OK so the last foot has four syllables but that's allowed :-)
Ponsy people like me call them anapaests (drop the a for Americans) The other way round (TUM ti ti) they become dactyls (fingers, one long two shorter bones)
Or when I am feeling un ponsy they are titty-tums and work very well to music. Try singing the river above, I think it works much better that way.
And for you to do pome you must have a lovely west country accent!
The ands
they are every me
BUT
there is a very subtle difference in meaning if you lose them.
Emotions, love and thought
says
Emotions principally love, and thoughts
Emotions AND love AND thoughts
now has three equal members
Emotions of all sorts
love specifically
and other thoughts
Not quite the same. Shut your eyes and say the line out loud to yourself a few times each way, I think you will hear the different meaning
I really ought to shell out for gold membership so I can put me reading it as music, would be fun to try.
Poe mixes two and three beat feet all the way through, I rarely divide it into beats, just la la la it and check that adjacent lines work well together.
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I'm a northener originally and we pronounce it as "poym", I've been adapting a south coast accent for quite some time now though and it's pronounced "poem"...exactly the same but without the emphasis on the "y". Accents...they make a huge difference when writing
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Beautiful poem. Love the first line and the image it conjures.
"Every word you write is the start of a river" is about as perfect a metaphor as I've ever seen. You've got your "straight to the point" writers who tell it how it is without mincing words. Then there's those who wander about with the idea that sooner or later they might wind up getting to the point, like a lazy meandering river. And of course there are those who seem to be tripping over themselves because they've got so many thoughts they can't get them out quick enough, like an overflowing river, tumbling its way to the sea. And that's just the first two lines
The poem continues with great rhythm and flow, and just carries you from one line to the next. Personally agree that splitting it up into stanzas would have detracted slightly.
Lines like:
"Poetry forms where the cold rivers meet"
"Merging together, the sea of ideas"
Great stuff!!
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There is sooo much truth in this piece, I am not sure anyone could have worded it better. The simplicity and beauty of the everyday are woven into an intricate tapestry of words. Some of your best work yet. Thank you so much for this po-em.
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This is beautiful and very well done. As an American, there is no way I can make "years" and "ideas" rhyme. Do you put an "r" in "ideas" or do you drop the "r" in "years"?
Love,
Amera♥
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The poems from poets the sighs of the readers
Merging together the sea of all thought
The richness of words can now nourish the feeders
Foundations of life as our children are taught
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I was wondering how you make them not :-)
we say "i-dear"
is yours three syllables? -
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One or two;
( ahy-dee-uh, ahy-deeuh )
source: dictionary.com -
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hhhmmm and year? that would be pretty close to "yeeuh" here
runs to dictionary.com muttering about rotten colonials mucking up a perfectly good language
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this made me more than chuckle....don't you hate it when your poetry becomes chopped liver.
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A great write Jeff, thoughprevoking and smooth. i really enjoyed the tumbling rhythm of the ferst few lines. I think i would have found it easier to follow the thread if the rhyming versus were seperated by a line. Thanks for another good read.
P.S. looking forward to the next ashes "battle" barely got my seat warm beofore the last one ended...
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I did look at dividing it into stanzas, and the poet that I admire most also suggested it, however I think doing so would lose something more important. The flow. The poem is intended to suggest a river falling throughout the lines and rivers don't have gaps!
If you want to look at it that way though it does divide quite well into quatrains, try reading it both ways and see which you prefer. Playing with other people's poetry is a great way to help your own.
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Honestly? I think this is one of your very best. There are no imperfections at all...no awkward rhymes, no blundering of images and emotion. I am bookmarking this, Jeff. Outstanding poetry. Love, Lane
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<
I think I love you!!!
No, I KNOW I love you!!!
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