Mouth sprawls wide
as banana leaf. Without
regard, your sorries crawl
down my throat.
Like castanets, I am
palmed to the rhythm
of your command.
A contest entry
- twenty five by AJ Morelli.
2500 points, ended February 16, 2008, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The meanings cast stronger than the number of words
I looked up a picture of one of these kinds of foliage just to get a better idea, and one of them showed a boy under it like an umbrella. That spoke to me, perhaps even as a figurative covering; you can't stretch that far but candid emotions can fully. "your sorries crawl down my throat" simulates drinking of ripe Musaceae of nutritious return of affection off the other's tree. You've probably heard the phrase, 'food for thought,' this is 'food for your heart.'
The transition from stanza one is pure ... I see the unrushed consideration of what might've hurt you a little. And, now your ecstasy is ready to bloom, clicking to normal sentiments, in a deep breath assured again.
I loved your whisper of the welcomed steps around comfort, congratulations on silver,
Daisy -
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Thank you so much for a kind and thoughtful comment. You know I haven't been here for a while, so it's nice to pop in to this.
Best wishes
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Incredible. Swallowed every bit of this delectible snippet that you spat. Does this mean we kissed? Well done sister. One.
Dez
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wow. Reading the winners, and can see why al had a hard time with this one. Excellent. Congratulations!
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You Rock!!! as always...
yes, this is a trophy winner ... well done Stacey..
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such amazing imagery..excellent poem
congrats to you on the silver!..
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Thank you.
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great description. congratulations, you deserve the acclaim.
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Thank you so much.
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Your words create such a delightful image- and I love the abstract line "your sorries crawl down my throat". This is a lovely short piece
-eveline.
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Thank you for the kind comment Eveline.
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a contender for sure...
al -
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The rhythm and imagery play upon each other brilliantly. Excellent!
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Thanks!
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i have seen a banana leaf, castanets absolutely an extension; such compelling and expressive imagery here...wonderful...PK
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Thanks PK, and I'm glad you've seen a banana leaf - not many (outside tropical regions) have had that privilege.
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Powerful! A real emotional punch here. Tremendous vulnerability in these strong images, the feeling of being in another's rhythm and control is so vividly portrayed. Loved this!
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Thank you for the kind words.
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so beautiful tuneful and somehow so 'in tune'
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Thanks Elaine.
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i love the rhythm of the poem, like the rhythm of the music. makes me want to get up and dance, even if i'm not happy about it.
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I'm glad this piece affected you so, because you're just right - this particular 'rhythm' I'm implying forces it, even when not liked or wanted.
Thanks so much for your comment.
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i really like the sound of this piece and
the voice of its instruments- and the title is great
and the images interesting and well chosen
i always know i'm going to open something wonderful from you
m
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Thanks M, always means a lot coming from you.
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wow, Yvette is right about panache
really liked this
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Thanks Aj.
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The poetess swallows with both precision and panache.Kudos.
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Yvette, your words are always so kind.
Thank you.
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I like the beat of this piece, within ears...beautiful.
Excellent, as always.
Thanks for sharing.
HENSLEY
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Thank you Hensley.
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