dim lit lights
surround us
bringing the dead
of night to life
like your smile
brings my faith
in fate to life
were all alone
yet I'm sweating
like its crowded
my nerves spasm
like I lost my spine
three little words
yet the toughest words
I ever spoke
And truly meant
finally I found my spine
looking in to your eyes
slowly I poured you a hot
cup of my heart
steaming with feelings
For you
Author notes
Bones7
In a list
A contest entry
- III by N e a r.
4000 points, ended February 16, 2008, 121 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest!! Please enter!! by With Broken Wings.
1200 points, ended March 15, 2008, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best prewrite between december 07 and february 08! by danceswsquirrels.
1910 points, ended April 1, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whats your opinion about it?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Nice I like it! especialy the hot steaming cup of my heart. I loved that analogy, and you have great word choice.
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I decided to post every ones scores so here's yours! based on every ones votes!
0 gold 0 silver 1 bronze 3 hm 1.25
Jessa♥
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3
NUMBER IS FOR ME, NOT A PLACEMENT. -
same as previous comment
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"I slowly oured you
a hot cup of my heart"
Love it
HM -
hm
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*BRONZE*
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Nice emotional poetry. and some clever word play. I would at the least give you a HM award, for this entry. Maybe more!
All the best,
~T.S~
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HM
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Can't forget these
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HM
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"...your smile brings my faith in fate to life..."
great feel to the line. love how you express how hard it is to be vulnerable...how exposed one feels, the first time one says those 3 words. it doesn't get any easier with experience or age, unless someone is just lying. actually, I feel sometimes it gets harder but that is just my opinion tonight. tomorrow morning, hopefully, it might change. thanks for the poem.
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This is beautiful. "slowly I poured you a hot / cup of my heart / steaming with feelings" ~ my favorite part. You've expressed yourself in measures I only hope I can one day touch with words... You amaze me. Definitely. Bookmarking!
~
Thanks for entering my Valentine's Day contest, and good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Wow I really like this one! It's vivid in it's imagery. I love it when writes use words to describe something thats not the typical words. Your word choice is so pure, and your descriptions are so true! The words are broken into a smooth flow and velvet style.
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'slowly I poured you a hot cup of my heart
steaming with feelings for you'
This started out good, very romantic and sweet but WOW, that last stanza/line really gives the poem a punch!
Excellent job Poet!
Big Hugz from your crazy mom
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I enjoyed the read,the description,the little play on pouring a hot cup of heart especially. Am unsure whether dim lit lights could work also as dimly lit,it's tenous point,yours to decide.Am unsure is spasming is an American word, in the UK we would either use spasm or in spasm ,again a tenuous point and only perspectives not criticism.
I should like to add you to my faves.
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What's good Bones?
I like the poem! It's real deep.
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WOW!!!! you have an awesome way of writing.
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wats up bones7?
wow so much feeling! how you make every feeling so real i don't know, but it's gr8!!! :-)
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Hi Brant
Again, this is in the sublime category. Very heartfelt and sincere.
Did you know that the word "sincere" comes from the Latin
that means...sin(without)+ cere(wax) Basically, unpolished or shined, being in a "natural" state?
That's why people like that!
Best of luck to both you and Jessie! Hi Jessie!
John
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I loved how you started it....those
first lines really capture like wow! and then you lead
us right where you wanted us to go!
sneaky poet! This was a good for the soul poem,
that's for sure!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) : )) : ))) :
))))
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Sounds Like Love to Me
Watch out now if this is a girl your talking about then it sounds like love is on the move
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