Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Imminent or Occurring

Warnings of snow seem a ruse
the solid cold amplifies
the train as though it runs
through the head

and what if down were up
and versa, vices
we all have one, or two…

numbers calm
orderly tranquilizers

three, four, five…

why must there be a difference
between rising and sinking

the steel must warm
beneath the wheels

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • cvillelisa
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply



    last four lines make the poem for me.

    hi. hope you are well. and the gaggle of girls too! good to read you though I'm not sure I'm convinced of the title. but I'm slow. i like imminent

    best luck in the contest.

    lisa


    • jantastic gold member
      February 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I did cheap out a bit on the title, but sorta wanted to use it

      good gaggles, although two snow days (no buses) in a row... and a birthday girl with a runny, runny nose who now says "I two".

      hope all is hunky dory in lisaville


  • Nogod
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Being 40+Deg C where I'm commenting from the notion of snow is a little far fetched for me. Hehe. Your lines about rising and sinking struck a chord. My steel is always hot!

    Nice poem though.


  • catz Moderators member
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The weather, whether outside or within our head, is always predictably unpredictable. Your play on words in this piece is also unpredictable, seriously and amusingly so

    A superb write

    Dee


  • just rob gold member
    February 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I heard harmonicas,

    felt the tracks vibrate with cold, with the inevitable weight of friction.

    It's been so cold here, that the zenish mood, the circular nature of this read reminds me how the cold can burn, reminds me that it will snow tonight, so I must to town, to gather medicines against that windy eclipse. The phrasing here is so creative, painting lines between lines that bear repeated readings.

    This contest has achieved what I hoped, supplying readers with evidence of the poetry that inspires me to keep reaching higher...


  • Jersene gold member
    February 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You must've been watching the Weather Network, lol...I saw 'Imminent and Occurring' and thought of those red, weather statements that flash every time I go to look at the forecast.

    Clever penning!


  • misselaineous
    February 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    clever
    vice versa was smart!

    imagery is great

  • Rowan gold member
    February 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Killer first stanza, loved the train. Excellent play on words, and thought. WEll done!!!


  • Cat gold member
    February 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really love the play on words with versa, vices
    followed by a rim shot!
    clever piece through out jan.. nice

    m


  • IronIcecream
    February 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I have trains running through my head daily
    the tranquilizers sound like this
    if man is five
    then the devil is six
    then god is seven
    this monkey's gone to heaven

  • grm
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    what if 6 turned out to be 9?

    the Tao of Jan

    like it


  • Night Hope gold member
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This seems especially profound & poignant to me at this moment, since we had freezing rain & snow today & also because I just posted a new one about driving. Hmmm...what are you doin' in my head??? Good luck in Rob's contest...But even more than that, congratulations on being his Friend. Be well, Poet. Wanda

1 - 13 of 13