I sit in side my lonley room,
n' I pray that the pain will be gone sometime soon,
take a glance at the clock, it's almost noon,
wonder what is wrong, what did I ever do?
I wipe away the tears with my cold hand,
I know that sometime soon I'll be in my promised land,
dream about the beach, sticking my toes in the sand,
the wind is blowing, who turned on the fan?
it's so strong, sending shivers down my spine,
a rush of fear runs throught my body, soul and my mind,
look down, what is it that I find,
I stand above a body, wait, is that mine?
I'm dead, a grin slides across my face,
finally I'm gone, away from that nastey place,
CSI will come, shrug it off, another suicide case,
something creeps up my leg, is it my shoelace?
suddenly it's hot,
I'm scared, torn right from my spot,
ripped out my window, pulled below a parking lot,
what's going on, this isn't what happened in my minds plot?
I wanna scream I wanna yell,
I'm not in Heaven, no man I'm in Hell!
I whisper a prayer, try to remember an old spell,
why am I here, this is not where I want to dwell?
God, remember when I used to call you Dear?
I call on you again, please, listen to this one last prayer,
if I ask you anything, I ask that you just hear,
can you put me back on Earth, cause I'd rather be there than here?
God, I'm sorry that I took my life,
so sorry I never gave it all to Christ.
Author notes
this could be in suicide, religion, life, stress, idk which one you would qualify it as or if it fits what you were looking for. i personally wrote it for religion and suicide. name- upperworld06
yeah, i just reread it...don't really like it that much anymore...
A contest entry
- Suicide (emo, death, sad, . . .) by DarkLotus4Life..
300 points, ended February 2, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Christian Song of Praises Competition by FransB.
550 points, ended March 28, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOTS OF OPTIONS! by Shenanigans.
700 points, ended November 23, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest reguarding self-harm. by AutumnsFlame.
700 points, ended December 13, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'll Have To Warn You; This Is Going To Hurt, Really Hurt. by SarahEatsAirplane.
1750 points, ended March 21, 2009, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
i like the imagery you put into this. it really helped the poem turn out well.
god job.
good luck. -
WOW...
1. This seemed really forced to me... I think you should try to conceal your rhyme a bit more if you're trying to rhyme.
2. GRAMMARRR!!!!! "i" is ALWAYS capital, unless there is a GOOD reason why it's not. You did not try your best with grammar here, otherwise you would have done that.
3. Your imagery could be better. It got kinda straight-forward and cliche. You should try using metaphors.
Thank you for entering my contest. I hope you take my advise. -
The message is clear and frightfully so, but you also hint the 'path of hope'. My blessings to you and good luck in this contest. Frans
-
Excellent write here
Their is no problem too strong or too bad that God casnt help you back to faith and happiness . But first you have to reach out to him and all who follows him to see you through. Excellent write and sometimes he has been there for you only you didnt know what to look for but he always answers prayers
-
that was amazing. I loved this poem.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
