Shattered mirrors hang in her pitiful room.
Scent of perfume and the smell of smoke engulf
every corner. Tainted kisses cover her tattered
body. She reflects on her life, lived like a zombie
performing the same task, night after endless night.
Make-up smeared on her lips and eyes, a faint
light shines through the little window in the upper
right corner of the wall. A heart once filled with life and
love, now concrete with no emotion. A bottle of whiskey
sits on her dresser, with a single yellow rose
placed ever so gently in a beautiful china vase.
It has taken her time, but she has come to accept
what she believes is her fate,
prometheus reincarnate.
Author notes
option 17
A contest entry
- Options Contest (No. 1) by Laura-Critchley.
850 points, ended February 12, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LETS MAKE A DOUBLE GOLD WINNER FROM YOUR GOLD WINNING POEM by Swan song.
600 points, ended April 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 2000 tr0phies! wh00t! by amaranthine lover.
3500 points, ended August 30, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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20.5 / 25
I feel that some of your images were randomly thrown out there and didn't really connect with the integral meaning of the piece...which I still am confused about. This needs to be revised a good deal. -
hmmm, very very good. very very good.
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WOW This is such a sad tale. You deserved the gold.
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WOW This is such a sad tale. You deserved the gold.
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congrats on the gold trophy... this had a gloomy and morbid story full of much beauty and magnificence. You really blew me away with this piece! FABULOUS JOB! The imagery was outstanding and the message was so intense... I would actually be interested in seeing what the story behind this would be?
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Wow this certainly pulled no punches! Very powerful images of a lost soul... Congrats. on the Gold!
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les this is... wow. fantastic imagery. another great one!
i have a suggestion for the last line. i think that you described her er.. profession well enough in the poem. and in the last line where you have, "she was a whore," i think this is unnecessary.
you could have something like, "there never are kisses with a trace of love for a whore." i just think that you did a perfect job describing it already!
as always, you can toss my advice.. just a suggestion for you.
keep up the amazing work, best of luck in the contest.
Abby
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Oh wow. What a tale you have spun here. I was hanging onto every word. The ending pulled it all together so well
I notice in the last stanza-- shat, should it be that, I think
Packed with imagery , maybe not all pretty but still I enjoyed the imagery all the same
Good luck in the contest there
Cindy
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A very powerful piece. The last little bit:
"She can’t stop,
she couldn’t stop. She was a whore."
reflects her plight so much. Those last sentences are so final; almost abrupt. It kind of rubs in her plight of not being able to stop. As if her life is also going to end with her working as a whore.
A wonderful use of the word bank, and kudos for using all of the word bank!
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Excellent
Terrific descriptions. Expressed in such great detail. Best of luck in the contest.
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