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The Art of Drowning

I am frozen in Time,
Surrounded by darkness.
I look above me
And see little inklings
Of light from the far-off surface,
They look like stars
From down here.
I know you’re up there,
Far away
And worse?
Glad to be so far away.
My lungs burn,
You took my breath away,
Little bubbles float above me,
Like shining moons.
My heart is heavy, slow
Barely beating.
From lack of air
And lack of you.
I’m dying,
A slow, cold death.
But I don’t feel it.
I am suspended
In a dark, deep blue.
Floating, pale and frozen.
I’m crying,
Adding to the heaviness
That surrounds me,
Trapping me.
With every tear
I cry, it weighs me down,
Sinking me.
No fish swim here,
There’s only that little bit
Of light, those stars
That taunt me from heaven.
And I’m down here.
My eyes grow heavy,
My tongue slowing,
Those stars drift far away,
Until there is nothing but black
Above and below me.
As I sink into the depths
And as you rise above me,
I realize,
This is a pleasant way
To die.





Author notes

I wrote this after going through a really rough period in my life that I thought I'd never get out of. But luckily, because of my poems and my faith, I pulled through. I love the title.

Please tell me what you think. I want to know how to improve on this. I want to work on it more. It feels like there's something missing.

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Comments


  • Threnoidia
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    very dark, i enjoyed how I sunk w/ the poem, because of the way you structured it. I love the dark connotations. Check out some of mine most people seem to love my " the darkness that follows the light" poem, so i guess thats the best place to start for some of my better works i suppose :

  • WritingWretch silver member
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good title,

    I think this a good metaphoric poem, but I also think it would work better if you just gave the metaphore and not try to explain it simultainously.


  • William Vercelli
    February 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The title is a poem in itself "the art of drowning"..... very good choice.


  • Metaphorist
    February 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I felt like I was right there with you throughout. I'd glad to hear you've gotten out of this rough patch The only thing I can suggest is to separate this into stanzas. I think it would flow better that way.