In the dooming dungeon of entrapment,
she trembles at each dangling, fossiliferous skull.
Bloodied, bludgeoned bodies bake greasily
in this oven of filth.
The Great Vermin
creeps stealthily with his dual antennaes and six legs...
waiting
to infest homes and even the very thoughts of man.
Worms vomit with disgust;
as minds snort phallic erotic dust.
Her thought process is precedent to eternal Damnation.
Damn it to 'hell'
in the gutter her mind deeply fell
as she was viciously raped by
mental
Demons of Lust.
A contest entry
- ~~BEST POET ON AP:SEASON 3:ROUND:1~~ by wakingdevil.
1000 points, ended February 3, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thanks for the constructive critique!
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I think the verbiage was a bit overdone, for this is not rly the kind of write in which to use such words.Other than that this was good, but the syntax was awry at places, some lines way 2 long...Thanks for entering
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Cool babes! But the excessive D's were dddddddddd-liberate. I'm an alliterative poet. It's a signature that marks each poem i write. I love your critical comments Stacy!
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Firstly, thanks for the comments on my poems thus far. I can really see you're becoming addicted to this place already (I should have warned you lol!).
Overall, this was good. It was dark, and the vocabulary used was appropriate to the content of the piece. I have to say, however, I was a little overwhelmed by the excessive alliterative 'd'. I just think it went a little overboard, leading to the effectiveness becoming somewhat submerged.
On a personal note, dark poetry isn't exactly my cup of tea but I must say that it's still a heck of a lot better than most of the 'dark' drivel that haunts this site, so yay you!
Best wishes in the contest.
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(6) muhahahaha I try to diversify my craft and play with different sensory appeals. I'm glad u liked it and I appreciate your comment.
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My first impression was of discust and this is definately my kind of poem.
You have such an amazing vocabulary.
This is so strong in the sense that you can imagine everything being witnessed.
You are twisted and i like it.
lol
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