I once found a stranger alone in the world.
And later that night i saw the angels twirl.
She sang this by day and hummed it by night.
Oh you should have seen her, what a wonderful sight.
The blue sky turned lighter and lighter.
As the sun began to rise.
The blue sky turned brighter and brighter.
As the sun increased its size.
There where trees in the distance.
As the sun began to rise.
And houses non-existent.
As the sun increased its size.
The water flowing down the stream.
As the sun began to rise.
The trickle, trickle of the steam.
As the sun increased its size.
The blue sky turned dimmer and dimmer.
As the sun began to set.
The moon will be out,
for tonight i bet.
A contest entry
- Romance by Frodofan.
600 points, ended February 9, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
did it reflect beauty?
Comments
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well little sis i like your use of imagry but the repeating of the sun began to ris and the sun increases its size is a little to much it makes it boring and harder to read, but i like the idea behind the poem,
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I didn't care too much for the repetition here. Sometimes I think repetition can add a lot ot a piece, but I'm not sure that this is the piece. I think some more description like you have would be nicer and I'd like to see it.
Nicely rhymed though and enjoyable. That was just my one thought. It did indeed reflect beauty.
I have to tell you though that I added the following rule,
"7) The word "I" must be capitalized."
Please adhere to it or come judging time you won't be eligible. That would be a shame.
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