It was finally Friday night
and I was out to have some fun.
So I called up all my buddies
and for beer we made a run.
We were getting really loaded
as we cruised all over town.
But we had to find a party soon
because the beer was running down.
It was just then I remembered
and I hollered with delight.
The biggest kegger of the year
is taking place tonight.
The ultimate goal, of a teenage boy
out, on a Friday night.
Is to get drunk, with the boys
get laid, or pick a fight.
We pulled up to the farmhouse
out on the edge of town.
The bonfire was really raging
and we drank until we drown.
All I really remember
is howling at the moon
and cursing, at the sunlight
for coming up too soon.
I crept into the basement
of my parent's general store.
Where they kept all their cats
and the candy I adore.
I laid myself down
and proceeded to pass out.
Unlucky in love with the girls
and my fight had been a rout.
Still drunk as my eyes opened
and really craving a sweet tooth.
To my delight on the table
was an unwrapped Baby Ruth.
The peanuts were gritty and chalky.
The flavor was really quite off.
With every bite that I swallowed
I began to choke, gag and cough.
All at once I knew I was busted
when I saw her on the bottom step.
My mother was actually laughing so hard
one would think, she had actually wept.
The candy bar, that you're eating
is not, a candy bar at all.
I'm glad you're sitting down, my son
what I'm gonna say, would make you fall.
It's really so very funny
and at the same time quite uncouth.
That you're still drunk enough, to believe
what you're eating's, a Baby Ruth.
It must have been one hell of a party
to have knocked you for such a loop.
Not to know, what you're eating
is kitty litter and cat poop.
I spit out the last mouthful
as I violently began to wretch.
Trying to make it to the bathroom
would really be a stretch.
I knelt over the porcelain God
for what seemed, to be an hour.
Then I scrubbed my mouth,more vigorously
than my body, in the shower.
And now whenever, perchance the thought
to take a drink, crosses my mind.
I remember what I chose to eat
after drinking myself blind.
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me laugh by Stormy Days.
770 points, ended February 5, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #47 Something to laugh about by daviscth.
475 points, ended February 27, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Crazy capers, that aren't quite nonsense! by cricketjeff.
875 points, ended April 9, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ohhhhhhh That Hurt by Juggalo-King.
600 points, ended September 2, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Embarassed? by Ace13.
550 points, ended September 5, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random, Weird, and Hilarious Contest by writeroftoast.
900 points, ended November 26, 2008, 42 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Porcelain God! by KillerRain.
440 points, ended March 17, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Plumber's Crack by Gay-Militant.
1000 points, ended March 30, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - funny time:d by lonelyboy.
435 points, ended June 7, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Funny! by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
650 points, ended June 27, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silly, Silly, Silly by misterfish.
950 points, ended July 5, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Most embarrassing moment in rhyme only by Pisces rainbow.
900 points, ended July 27, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GOES BUT YOU MUST MAKE ME LAUGH by Juno101.
460 points, ended November 20, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Karra-Mayy.
1600 points, ended November 21, 321 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - I Like to Chuckle... by Loveberry.
700 points, ended November 2, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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This was funny! It had me laughing throughout the whole piece!Keep up the good work. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.
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ahahahahahha i really like this. although it doesnt fit the contest, im going to keep it in so other poeple will have a chance to read it as well and laugh as much as i did. thqank you for sharing.
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Very humorous... Great story line... ILMAO... This brings back memories of my youth without the cat crap that is. Thanks for entering the contest.
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lol
thnx for entering
best of luck! -
I loved this!
It was hilarious! I can't believe that this happened. great emotions and imagery in this. 
congrats on the trophies you won. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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well all of the trophies, do indeed say most of what i am thinking! very good poem about a problem that is so much in our socitey now, i did use to like a drink to much, and many times woke up in hospital, police cells etc because i had gone overboard. thanks for entering it was a greatly written piece
good luck
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Oh lord my side hurts after reading that. I think everyone has at least one of those embarrassing drunk moments but that definatly ytakes the cake. You also did a great job with the rhyme and the flow of the poem. Good luck in the contest.
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well this brings back so many memories, except Thank God the kitty litter and cat poop although there were morning that I just can't be sure
live and learn
very very funny and Thank God for PW
perfect for prompt
love this
God bless you my friend...
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lol i remember this piece very well. I loved it! and still do! this was just...WOW! i loved it! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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WELL NO MORE KISSES FOR YOU!
Laughing so hard...ic dnd';t can't ..dkld type
lmfaoff!
that was great!
OMG!
how brave you to admit it!
courage is your ink and heart!
lol
oh...shit!
listerine for all!
great poem!
ears/Seattle
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HAHAHA! This is gonna be really hard to judge...
Your getting a trophy i just cant decide which...
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omg this was hilarious!! i loved this piece! I couldn't stop laughing the entire time i read this. just...WOW! awesome job! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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Wow lol yummy lmao j/k .... i like it good luck
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I really like this poem you wrote. It's funny
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ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....loves it hope u never have do do mouth again...much <3...scars
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oh my gosh that's quite a story, LOL
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bwahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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What a tale!! I'm glad we don't get Baby Ruths in the UK. Don't think I could face one. Thank you for entering.
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Not exactly well punctuated is it, dear?
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Congratulations
You wrote a piece soo good that it has the honer of winning my first contest. I hope that you enjoy the points and may start a contest of your own that I may enter. KillerRain. -
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Honer?
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Two thumbs up!
I'm still trying to quit laughing!
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I remember reading this poem before!!! Thank you for the chance to enjoy your humor once again. It's such a funny imagery filled piece.
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Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww NASTY, lol
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this is WAY over the line limit seeing as how you prolly didnt read the rules and put what I asked in the AN. but thats ok. your lucky it held my attention span. good write.
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Very funny
Somehow I seen the cat poo coming. Not so much do do with the porcelain god though. Still an overall good write.
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LOL! Pretty good joke!
Great funny incident! Good luck in the contest!
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LMBO I can't stop laughing. It is gross too. But it shows you never to get drunk. Who would want to eat cat poop. LMBO I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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Hilarious!!! I loved it, wonderfully original idea, ironic background choice. And the commas were a style choice, I think? They weren't distracting at all, but rather they added terrifically to the poem. Good luck in the contest.
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omgs... i can just imagine how many times u brushed ur teeth lmao,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
hahahahahahaha
hilarious dear poet!!!
nice turn of session....
lovely way with words..
good luck,
Anagha-Natara -
Thank you for your entry...
Please do not respond in any way to this message until the judging is complete. Thank you.
Eeeeeuuuwww!
I'll bet THAT taught you a lesson! YUK...what a horrible thought. We have cats, and I cannot think of anything WORSE than eating their poop! It stinks!! 
Anyway, thanks for sharing, and for your honesty!
This is how you scored:
Laugh-o-meter: 9/10
Spelling/grammar: 5/10
'For coming up to (too) soon'
'Of my parents (parent's) general store'
'And my fight, had been a wrought' (Not sure what you mean by this...I don't think 'wrought' is the right word here.
'I spit out, the last mouth full (mouthful)'
Flow: 6.5/10 (Get rid of all the mid-line commas and it will flow much better for your reader).
Rhyme (if applicable): 7/10
Total score: 27.5/40
Many thanks for taking the time to enter this contest, and best of luck!
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ROFL!!!!!!
Literally. Where'd my chair go?
I must say, my mother's never fed me kitty litter... that I can recall...
Well done and good luck!! -
Hahaha! Embarrassed much?
This was a really enjoyable poem, great hilarious story and nice rhyme.
Thanks for the entry and good luck
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hee hee! omg, that's hilarious!! great poem, it's very funny
i like your rhyming and your flow
nice work! it made me laugh out loud!
=)
hugglez!!!!! =)
-Adria
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oh lord, eeew! Omg, you really got a vivid fantasy
Thanks for entering -
Lol
yay one poem that made me laugh. You're the first to do so so thank you. It was very entertaining and very well written. You kinda needed everything you wrote so I wouldn't use better imagery or anything. The begining could have been better, maybe funnier but the end was good. Thanks for the entry lol -
Oh my God! This is Great! I didn't realize how hard this contest would be to judge! That is great! Thanks for the entry!
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this is a really good poem, lmao, sounds like you had alot of fun, up untill the end!!
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My four cats are driving me mad with their multiple litter boxes and the cleaning! Ewwww. To think that young men want keggers and sex when they could get a good book or have my dream; movie and popcorn night lmao. nice rhyme and flow.
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hahaha, yummie lol. So i bet you are a moderate drinker now lol. Well twas very funny and had good flow though the first half of it gave away the ending. Well good luck
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EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW i am gaging right now but still funny
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Thank you so much for the Silver Cup. This story is based on an something that really did happen to me
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Haha. This is hilarious. Thanks for putting a smile on my face on not so great a day. Though it is really funny, it must have been awfully disgusting. I'm glad my mom would never do that. And the fact that we don't have cats. Great write!
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This is hysterical! Just the kind of thing i hope to do to one of my kids if they decide to drink too early!Thanks for the idea or rather thank your mom!great write!!!!
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Okay, I couldn't finish reading this one. Too sick for me. Sorry. But thanks for entering. Patricia
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Funny
* Does bring back Young memories,
Middle stanzas dont really seem to flow with
the rest well. but in all it is pretty good.
Not exactly "Pussy Tickling"-LOl* But I like it.
*? Did this **really happen>?*
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Funny and too close to the truth! Very clever write. Good luck in the contest...
Ken
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OMG, this is almost to gross for words! But very funny! Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
~cheers~ -
You complete and utter clot!!!
Great story
Bloody good poem too, people in the office wondering why I just exploded in laughter!
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OK this one had me
laughing out loud, was wondering if you were ever able to eat another Babyruth candy bar ever again? lmao. Good write
thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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lmfao is this based on something true? hehe it left me thinking about things that happen within life. i just love the way you put humour into it well done
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LOL. This is so funny. Dare I ask if it could be true???
I was thinking of all sorts of things it could be but that never even crossed my mind!!! Thanks so much for posting. -
wow this is good thank for entering
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hehehe. be careful when you drink. thanks for joining
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