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What truth through window breaks



Like memories bound
in maybe corners,

not even broken light
can set them finally free.


Author notes

Bordering on madness .. trying to write while watching out for "Da Boss"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Celticmoon
    April 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My only suggestion on this piece
    would be to remove the word 'finally' in the last line.
    It causes the reader to stumble when reading
    and truly isn't needed to get the point across.
    Thank you for entering!
    Best of luck to you!


    Blessings
    Bel


  • Luminescence
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice poem... I like the lenght, brevity is a blessing... lol

    Thank you so much for entering and participating in my contest and good luck,

    ~lumin


  • Tirrell
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now that is a wonderful write, congrats on the well deserved trophy this is a beautiful poem!


  • PerfectImperfection
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this. It has a depth to make you think, to actually ponder the image. Nicely penned!!!


  • February Moon gold member
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.


  • Exodus gold member
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    forgot your clappies


    • Fug-azi
      January 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oh you are so sweet, thank you .. I just thought this was a bit bleh and simple.


      • Exodus gold member
        January 31, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Simple is not necessarily bad. If we spend 80% of the time trying to find all the metaphors in complex words and twisted imagery it's nice to spend some time when the picture it just builds slowly in your head without any strain


        • Fug-azi
          January 31, 2008

          Edit | Reply
          normally i'd agree, but when I read all you guys/gals work you always seem to be able to put together beauty in so few words ... this is something I'm still trying to learn, most of my writing is bound to taking whole stanzas just to tell the reader the time. Lee Sharp called me an image whore .. not sure if it was a compliment or not .. lol


          • Exodus gold member
            January 31, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            Yes but that can be a good thing. With pieces like these the image is thrust into your mind with all the finesse of a chainsaw, when you let the image build it leaves the reader with a much more complete picture.


            • Fug-azi
              January 31, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              maybe being an image whore is not such a bad thing after all

              Thank you for taking the time to answer some doubts for me.

              • Exodus gold member
                January 31, 2008

                Edit | Reply
                That's alright.
                You're a beautiful poet, you shouldn't have doubts

  • Exodus gold member
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    What on earth are you talking about? This is something stunning.


  • Naridill
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love this - simple but effective, you really have the stark of emotions and lack there of. Beautiful.

    Thanks for entering,

1 - 15 of 15