Yes, oh yes, she was crying
And I feel her pain
Which explains the denile of happiness
And when she sobs
I couldn't help but sighing
Its all becaus of him
He used her like a steel wrench
And he caused her chest to tighten
And she almost died
With tears in her eyes
I just moved
Because someone said it was my turn to move
When the whole time she was just sitting there
Bone idle
But oh, I do feel her pain
Because when I walk
My toes kind of tingle
My tears kind of mingle
And no one will talk
So just for kicks an giggles
Lets place the blame on some boy
Who broke two hearts
With one stone
A contest entry
- Pre-writes & Fresh Writes by LadyUnique.
400 points, ended March 7, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tryyy and fit a square into a circle :] *OPTIONS* by innocence jaded.xx.
525 points, ended May 2, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
A strong heartfelt piece, showing the hurt within, but more so, the ability to blame another for the sadness caused, and share in the hurt recieved. well done.
-
I love the imagery in the second stanza with the wrench. Great idea! I always feel like I find a line or two of yours that rises above the rest of the poem by so much and just significantly stands out to me. Just to let you know and help you out, there are a couple of spelling errors and typos in lines 3 and 6
-
-
sometimes i feel like that 2. where some lines r better than others only with other peoples poetry not my own. but if i only had those 2 or three lines, there would only b icing and no cake
-
-
thanks for entering and good luck
-
-
i appriciate it
-
-
wow very emotional. I like how u put the pain across in this poem. just great
-
-
thanx alot
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
