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Runaway

Runaway with me, we need no one,
One second we're here, the next we are gone.
I'll take you wherever, if you'll come with me,
I'll give you forever, if you will let forever be.

It's just you and me now, our Universe, so small,
Because we have nothing, but one another;
And even though we're nothing, together we're whole,
And even though we're nothing, we're happy like no other.

"I love you!", I'll whisper, I'll say it out loud!
Only you'll hear it, yours is my sound.
Only you will see me, only I will see you
And only I will hear you whispering "I love you too..."

Author notes

For contest!
By Masky...

A contest entry

Looking forward to your opinions...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    July 16, 2008

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    Thank you for your entry in our contest, an interesting poem but we feel neither the rhyme or flow are very good, but with work could be improved.
    Please join us in future contests...Sue and Jeff


  • JustFallingApart
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this, it remindes me of my baby, nice work and thank you for entering my contest


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    light and loving

    Your poem is happy and trips through its verses in a rhythmical way. I like the loving message you give in your words.


  • darlintlc silver member
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very sweet poem of young love!
    when you're young there is no one else in the world but the two of you!

    well done!!
    thanks for entering
    darlintlc


  • EmmaLuLu
    April 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww...great love poem.love between 2 teens


  • N e a r
    April 25, 2008

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    I must admit, I like your style. I like the way you form your words and really give the characters voice. Again, I have a few favorite lines I feel the need to point out:

    i) "I'll give you forever, if you will let forever be."

    ii) ""I love you!", I'll whisper, I'll say it out loud!
    Only you'll hear it, yours is my sound."

    This has a lot of strength~ a lot of love put into it. 'Tis crafty and emotional. I think the way you word your love and use the language is beautiful. Nice work.
    Thanks for your entry, and good luck!


  • jcat gold member
    April 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think that I waited a life time to here these words contained in this piece!!! But I have to say that it was well worth the wait. And yes our world maybe small and what we have may not be much but it is the only llife I would want....Excellent job here and best of luck


    • masky
      April 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you!! For both your comment on this and my other pieces! It was great knowing someone liked them so much! Thanks again ^_^!!


  • daviscth silver member
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This has such a loving and gentle feel to it. I really liked it. Good luck in the contest.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    April 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful and sweet.
    I love the way that you put
    this one together. Great
    work and good luck to you here!




    Jeremy0826


  • grannyeri gold member
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What wonderful sentiments expressed so well in these lines; easy to read and understand the feelings you are sharing in this poem. What a great feeling to have, and know it is returned as well.


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    February 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ~~~ Thank you very much for entering this beautiful poem… ~~~
    Eloping? Sounds like you two are very much in love! Little bit of advice, you might need those people you are running from now somewhere in your future….

    ~~~ Good luck in the contest and hope you enter again ~~~
    Becks

  • OurxBeginning
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awh, this is really cute. A very simple write, but very sweet, almost like sugar. Your rhyming was done nicely in this.

    Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Entwining Beauty
    February 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very beautifully written poem good luck


  • DeadlyPoetic88
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is just a beautiful work. I love it. You are an amazing writer for someone so young. Keep up the good job. I really enjoyed this poem.

    Dani

    • masky
      February 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aw, Dani, thank you so much!! Both for this sweet comment and for adding me as a favorite poet. Means a lot, you know Thanks again!!


  • brittany.geeze
    February 7, 2008

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    "even though we're nothing, together we're whole,"
    what a beautiful beautiful line!
    i really like this one because, of course, it's about love and i love love. lol but seriously, having yourself so deeply in trust of another person, it's spectacular. thanks for the entry.


    • masky
      February 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so very much!! I also edited my AN...


  • XA7XxxFOBx
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    that's really really good!!!!!!

1 - 19 of 19