Chaos, loud noises
Stress, explosion
Bang, bang it goes
Oh, that’s how it goes
Bang, bang
We all fall down
Down we fall
Down, down
Farther, farther
We hit the ground
Burst into flame
The fire so bright,
So hot and hungry
Ashes, ashes
We all fell down
Posies, posies
Lilies, rosies
Fall around
Like fragrant snow
Drifting, floating
Down, down, down
Slowly, surely
They near the ground
Bang, bang, bang
They all fall down
And hit the ground
Blood and fire
To ashes and dust
Never rising,
Never living
Never loving,
Never breathing
Bang, bang
In a ring
We all fall down
Back and white
Into the night
We ride on horses
Intent on no return
Bang, bang we go
Together
You and I
I am yours
And you are mine
We hit the ground
Ashes and posies
We all fall down
And though everyone
All falls down
Ashes and posies
We all hit the ground
Bang, bang in a ring
One by one we die
Still I cry
That awful sound
Bang, bang
People sing
And church bells ring
Yet still I still cry
Though I fell too
I fell down
Down to the ground
I don’t know why
But you were gone
Never said goodbye
All that was said, was
Bang, bang
Author notes
Hmmm.... I really really like this one. The idea was stuck in my head for a few hours, so I decided to go with it. My little brother Brandon even helped me with bits
It's pretty much based of the rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie" and a Cher song, "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)". I only know the song because it's the beginning song in Kill Bill Vol. 1, hahaha.
This is my first time trying anything like this. I rarely EVER use stanzas, or rhyming, or such repetitiveness. Please tell me how the repetitiveness worked in it, as well as how nicely it works together as a whole and how well the stanzas flow together.
Also, looking at this and reading it... it almost seems like you could put some kind of music to it and have a song.... maybe it's just me. Please give me LOTS of feedback, I really need it.
Errm... comment? The only comments I get nowdays are from me... :(
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Saweet
Lol I remembered how you showed me this one in Math class and I actually helped with one word! I'm so proud of myself.
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Looovvvveee!!
Hahaha, I adore this one, I am so proud of it. But make sure you eventually put in the revisions from your notebook. And the beginning 2 or 3 lines seem, odd..... -
Wow
Lovin it!!! You gotta get some cool music to this!
~Candice
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Nooooo!! don't be sad!! I'll coment on yours!!!! I love this one! I'm serious! You should,like, put this to music or something! ^_^hehe! Rock on! I love you!
~Iguana~
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Love it!!
I really like the structure of it. I'm glad that you went outside of what you normally do and decided to try something different. The retitiveness actually works for this.. it sounds amazing
I like the way that I can feel what your saying, I can see it, it's like right in front of me.
Great write, [as always]
<3 ! -
I really like this one as well. It does sound like a song! I like the rhyme scheme.
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