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We All Just Want to be Loved

Missing image

 

Convulsion Revulsion:  DRUNK 

 


If only one could cry

 

And never question why

 

If but one could ever lie

 

About utterly empty midnight skies

 

 

 

Unaided

 

With all pain

 

Life an empty pang

 

On the surface a pounding rain

 

Inside depressed & quite insane

 

 

 

Paroxysm of miscomprehensions

 

“I told you so” said they (he was…human?)

 

Choking blue on vomit’s seizure

 

Still they clap & cheer (his freedom).

 

 

 

Raptors’ fate

 

Cannot relate

 

The ugly gape

 

From a hearts’ embrace.

 

 

 

Superior sunset

 

Breathe your last rest

 

Depart this life

 

In favor of an ancient test

 

 

 

Comedienne, come

 

Hold his heart, because

 

He’s justabum

 

Ful-a-rum

 

 

 

Anger inward, oh private spear!

 

Trails barren of soulful seer!

 

When this write does end the years,

 

He’ll never toast another fear.

 

 

 

It pursued him to

 

His most tired dream

 

For in him now is peace and

 

Nary another friendless

 

 

 

      R     

 

    A         

 

  E              

 

T

Author notes

I held his face with deep calm love
as watched his face turn blue
greenish yellow vomit washes off my clothes
but not off you (not literally YOU)
Matthew 5:46
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?
Written November 16th, 2003

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Timothy Cameron gold member
    September 10, 2004
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    I wrote this poem the night I held a late-stage chronic-inebrient who was siezing from alcohol withdrawl. He was choking and starting to turn blue. I prayed and I felt he was able to feel the peace of God, even through his mindless stupor. The human spirit still sees even when all other functions don't...kind of like a baby...just spirit...knowing but not knowing that one knows...pure. Anyway, I knew nobody cared about him like I did, enough to write a poem. There's no worse addict than a drunk.


  • pulsating
    September 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is a powerful poem. when reading this for some reason I just got a sense of sobriety and a life of never wanting to return to the way things used to be. Reminders of hangovers and being sick. The words and writing are the closest it will come to ever being there. I am just silly with my interpretations as usual. But i have am still recovering from trying to figure out night vision hehe. I really enjoyed how that one invoked thought as well. Thank you for being supportive and kind on my writes. I appreciate it. , Olivia

  • NotYourCupOfTea
    February 16, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Drunk is OK when doing it. Not a good spectator sport.
    And not much fun the next day.
    Not too keen on the vomiting.
    That is verging on Immoderate

  • maru
    February 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This should need a re-read to understand it completely! But as for the first read... this is strong and I like the way you wrote it. It's like there's more behind the words.
    Keep this up,
    Maru

  • DreaFey
    January 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!

    Unaided
    With all pain
    Life an empty pang
    On the surface a pounding rain
    Inside depressed & quite insane

    Wow...that's all I can muster right now!! I can't wait to read more!


  • SomberShadowz
    January 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    This write is in layers. Very well composed, and displayed before us. Wonderful job Enigma! I have to agree with the other readers here. Poems inside of a poem, each stanza is like a mini-poem. Absolutely brilliant! Keep up the most excellent work Enigma Tic! I shall be stopping by again!
    ~Somber


  • daisygirlk
    January 9, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    thats really well written. its expressive and fast, like it should be. almost paniccy. really good work. ~kels~


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    December 20, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I had to read this twice
    The last word from lack of sleep threw me
    Congrats on 13 yrs one day at a time
    Hubby clean now for 3 yrs on alochol,meetings ans his AA group also help
    Yes there were tears, and the ugly gapes plenty of he will not stay clean, but through it all there was love
    I think love, life and staying clean are worth fighting for
    Even overcomming those friendless tears
    Just hope I have critiqued this right so sleepy I need sleep
    Forgive me if it is not just send me an IM that I got it wrong or right
    Baby steps, one day at a time and 13 yrs
    You've come a long way baby
    I am PROUD of you
    Thanks for all your wonderful comments on my poems they mean a lot
    I got tickled when you said you needed a cigarette on Ecstasys Dance and you don't even smoke lol
    Merry Christmas hun and hoping your New Year holds wonderful new discoverys for you
    Love and Hugs
    Susan~~~~~~


  • PurpleSky
    December 19, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    This had such compelling deep emotion that it realy made me think,and you did a good job at drawing me into your world. Pain that we all feel is not always easy to express but I feel you did it very well, you seem to be a very talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your writtings


  • stephanie sunshine
    December 7, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    mmmmmm. yes yes. this is fantastically rendered and as always, multi-faceted. it could take hours to peel apart all the layers that seem to be churning here. hmmmm. your mind pretty much just astounds me every visit.

    hope all is well.


  • Katilina
    December 5, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I do believe the only reward you get is loving the ones you love. It's when you ask to be rewarded for loving someone are you let down and thrown out. Love is free I believe.


  • Sunkissedrose
    November 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I need to come back and re-read this when it isn't almost 2 am in the morning. But I felt I needed to note you letting you know I was here reading it, I just still have yet to make my brain wrap around the message.
    Carrie

  • mercury...frost
    November 24, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I am hoping you will see my comment, you have a lot of fans! I like you, Enigma. Simple as that. You are a smart guy and even though your stuff is a little hard to read, it does make some sense. . . eventually. Anyway, thank you for your comment. Serious comments mean a lot to me because my poems, unlike my stories, can only be written when I am feeling some kind of extreme emotion. So thanks a lot.
    Edited on Nov 24, 8:34 p.m. because 'I cannot spell'.


  • November 24, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Choking blue on vomit’s seizure
    Still they clap & cheer (his freedom)
    ... my god... and you say I was deep...
    a flip from one dimension to another here....
    the tear upward reminds me of it reaching heaven...
    again .. the twisting isnt just internal here...
    its very very spiritual.. no one is just a bum full of rum...
    you captured a soul in this.. the picture is awsome! there is cynism (spelling sorry).. hate, love, compassion and .. just wishing in this that takes me so many levels!!! exceptional


  • Judas Denied
    November 22, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    It seems like this is about thinking, at least to an extent. Then again I could be mad. There is more here though, like it takes the reader through levels of darkness, getting lighter as it goes until finally there is just the warmth and comfort of no longer fighting a battle alone. Knowing that you aren't alone. I could also be really wrong, too. I still liked it and at least I tried.

  • -Dawn-
    November 18, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Poems within poems this piece was. I loved how what seemed like independent ideas were all strung together to form a common thread

    This poem spoke to me of a person perhaps feeling or made to feel they were unworthy of love and their pursuit of the very thing that they want but feel they cannot have.

    Seems this person goes through many different emotions in that pursuit. Anger, fear, grief, sarcasm, to finally to some kind of resolution. Is it the resolution that they will never be loved and that is OK or that they have found their prize? I think the ending leaves the possibilties wide open, depending on the reader's results of their own pursuit


    That is how this poem touched anyways. In all its layers, wonderful language and metaphors, it sang of the endless struggle of feeling loved. Is it possible when it is all we want? I am left still wondering how my story will end...still wondering how this story ended. I love that I feel that way upon leaving this.


    Thank you for having that insight into human nature. Wonderfully deep this was


    ~~Dawn


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    November 17, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Each stanza is its own poem, but the theme is ONly seen after reading it over again and then, finding the common threads. Maybe I'm revealing what your impromptu didn't define (which is why we need an audience to see how we're conveying a message), but I think that the healing is in those sudden changes:

    Common threads which are relative:
    /unaided, tears/raptor's fate,superior sunset, anger,.....find the yarn that would weave this together, and I'd say that someone else besides you is a genius!

    Different and changing....maybe because you're moody? Teeter-tottering on the playground of the humor to the therapy?

    In any case...I see LOVE.........................always love. That struggling undefined element of breaking through barriers and having them be exchanged. Thank you .....very crucially depicted.

    Warmly, CookieZeal

    Edited on Nov 18 because ''.


  • Blondita
    November 17, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    First off ET , read your homepage ( thirteen years ) - congrats - though it doesn't end there I know - every day there are demons to be conquered ( we all have them )...but thirteen years fighting it can't have been easy....

    Powerful words here - intense write...hidden emotions ? lack of understanding ? Feeling misunderstood ? ( In terms of an addiction ? ) Feeling isolated when others don't quite understand the depth of pain or the perceived sacrifices made ?? Ostrasizing those we don't always comprehend ?

    This is what I will be taking away from this ET...it's always hard for people to fully understand what we feel inside , more so when so many of us struggle to verbalise what we truly feel...fearing others may not be able to truly empathize - or may know our vulnerabilities...leaving us open to rejection ? Hurt ? being misunderstood ?

    Addictions cover up the pain - temporarily...and we learn to function normally within them...yet when taken away , it's often back to square one again - feeling even more empty than we did previously , n'est pas ???

    Not sure exactly what you tried to convey here - but it's provoked much thought ...there is a depth of sadness to this - like a soul transferred onto a page for someone's hurt to be shared...sharing the experience of what it is really like to live with something that can and does destroy...

    It's amazing how human beings find their strength...

    Excellent write

    ~ sonia ~ When one starts the revolution...( and it's taken me 35 years to realise this ) - it's worth finishing , and fighting for
    Edited on Nov 17, 1:13 p.m. because ''.


  • maryannde gold member
    November 17, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Do you know how hard it is to comment on some of your writes? I read and re-read...I delve and I dig. And I feel totally inadequate to comment with any ability to NOT sound like a complete idiot. ( thus this stupid ramble! LOL ) I love your words... I love the abruptness of some of the lines. I love the rhyme, and I love the visual of this soul vomiting his life away.
    I take this to be an alcoholics nightmare of reality...but it could most probably be anything. I find it a looking on of this moment by on observer who is more touched by this moment then the drunk is.

    What ever you meant by this write... is for you to know...but I loved the way you penned it, regardless of my "getting it" or not.

    desert hugs to you..for warmth.
    Mary Ann

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