Confusion

I let the words flow and I know
I'm going to be writing to you, again
Writing out the pain, that I don't feel,
That isn't real, that they must endure
And what I know for sure, is that I,
Am but an imposter; a lie.

How many times will I write? Now in rhyme
As though I pretend I have found an order
Within the mess, sure that someday
This will fade away, I will understand
And perhaps by then, you'll be holding my hand.

I feel alone, more so now I'm far from home
And I could ignore it, till she text me
She woke me with that reminder
As though I had the words to find her and comfort,
Console and hold her like I ought.

I am only a part, without you; broken heart.
Or is it? I don't know because no one told
Me how you hold on when nobody knows.
The confusion that grows, I just can't express.
The break down.
Isolation.
Longing to come to terms. Without you.
No one knows. I don't.
I'm not even crying.
I don't deserve.
They do.
To me, there was never you.
Now you are gone,
There is always you.