nothing at all

i set out to call u today
though
with all the regret
i have
i never picked up the phone-
maybe it was callous
though it was more lazy than anything.
you will always be a part of me
that i can never reach.
a part of me
that i will never see!
but something i will always gaze at
and just wonder aloud silently
to myself.
i was never more than honest-
though you always made me feel
like i was a nothing
in your world,
once you said i made you happy
now we don't even talk at all?
it will always be my fault
maybe i just remind you
of someone else
or no one else at all.
maybe i became ill to my truths
which made you turn and walk away
i was never meant to have you-
i will never be able to shake you off
because still in thinking of you makes me happy!
but just in the utterance of your name
i shudder,
though to no avail you never turn around
though i am the one without anything
to say.