I seem so put together, but inside I'm falling apart
I post a smile on my face to mask my broken heart
A picture perfect puzzle, trying to put my life in place
Disguizing damaged pieces with a decorated face
Battle scars lace my skin, like a wicked spider's web
Binding up the secrets that pound inside my head
A rushing, chaotic mess hidden behind an ordered mask
Searching for the answers, not knowing which questions to ask
A dizzying game of survival, shall I live or shall I die
Perhaps if I pretend long enough I'll forget how to cry
Then the grey shall fade away, awakening the light
Or else I shall then disappear and be lost to the eclipse of night
let me know what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Oh wow...You wrotethe words I'm going through...Amazing, I really love your poetry don't stop.
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thanks so much, i always love it when you comment. you're so encouraging.
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Very well done, I like how you express the inner feelings and bring them to light. I like the vision of the battle scars, and the spider web. Very dark and sad. A common senerio for far to many.
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yes, unfortunately this is reality for many people.
thanks for the comment.
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I allus adored awesome alliteration! That third line has a ton! But hey this poem is a great'n! It seems a bit dark for you, (at least as far as I can tell)^^ but you still did a stupendous job with the images presented. My only crit is that it would read much better if you tried shoring up the lines to sound less choppy in places. Like taking "Binding up the secrets pounding inside my head" and changing it to "secrets that pound inside". The two -ing words sound awkward so close in one line. Just my opinion though. You have some great lines in here, like "Battle scars..." and "A rushing..."
Nice stuff! ~SIK
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thanks, i'll consider your suggestions.
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