A heaving pillow casting might,
towards the corners of the night,
a silence of a broken dream,
who's promises could never seem -
to hover from this air ..
The stubborn shadow of despair,
that nettles nothing gold or fair,
be doubts, revolves and makes believe -
that I when brooding won't receive -
a typical affair ..
But ah, what is this glow I see ?
a future made for you and me,
when I am stern, and you belong -
to loving me, both right and wrong,
and all my wings repaired ..
Author notes
any critiques are welcomed.
A contest entry
- Invite Only - My Favorite Rhymers by Frodofan.
600 points, ended January 31, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Love those last lines...and you belong-to loving me, both right and wrong, and all my wings repaired..."...caught my breath on this one...thanks for sharing this one, Raven. And I am so happy it won a gold...Peace always, Rhonda
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Gold + Rhonda's comment = supreme goodness to me
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Wow. What a terrific rhyme scheme, it's a bit tricky. Is it any specific type of structure? The title is certainly a unique one. One quick crit, it would make more sense to change the second stanza to read "nettles nothing good or fair / But doubts..." "But" seems to continue the idea better and lead into the next.
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Oh yes
That is sure right, but I referring to the (shadow of despair) so it's a verb-beginning sentence referring to despair which bedoubts revolves and makes-believe..
see ?
I am very grateful for your review.
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YAY!
I am so glad you got to enter! Such a pleasure!
A beautiful BEAUTIFUL poem! I was not expecting such a hopeful and love filled ending. This is truly my style of poem. Darkness but beauty and such a very fascinating scheme.
Raven Dark, you are a pleasure.
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Can I ever thank you
You're more than welcome dear DEAR frodofan
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