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Sirens, Mermaids and Mongrel Manatees

The skipperless ship seemingly steered itself,
a seabound sarcophagus, circling, spiraling;
sailing steadily, surely, to the source
of the spellbinding, sepulchral, sound
at the center of the surreal and swirling storm.

Soon we saw the sultry, sensuous siren:
statuesque, salacious, seductive and sinister.
In solitude, she sat swaying side to side
singing soulful soliloquies of sadness,
suffering, sorrow, sin and insanity.

Mesmerized, my muscles motionless,
maddeningly mired in a miasmic milieu,
a maniacal melee menaced my mind
as melodious mermaid minstrels
molested me with malevolent medlies.

Against this mongrel manatee melody,
I mightily mustered my mettle,
managing a momentary memory
– my mirthful maiden’s mouth meeting mine –
then: monstrous mayhem, mutilation and massacre.

Expat4Cebu

Author notes

By Expat4Cebu.

This poem took alliteration as far as I reasonably could; the first 2 stanzas in “S”, the last 2 in “M”. Phonetically, there are 53 S sounds and 46 M sounds.

For those unfamiliar with the link between sirens, mermaids and manatees:

Sirens and Mermaids:

Sirens are mythical creatures made famous by Homer’s “Odyssey”. Sirens were part bird, part woman, and lived on an island from which they sang hypnotic songs that lured sailors to their death by causing them to shipwreck on the rocky shores of the island. Probably because it was sailors the sirens lured and also because in Spanish, French, Italian, Polish and Portuguese, the words for mermaid are, respectively: Sirena, Sirène, Sirena, Syrena and Sereia – the word, siren, was transformed to represent mermaids. Later stories of sirens depict them luring sailors in to eat them. Others depict the sailors dying of starvation because they're unwilling or unable to eat or leave the island -- so absorbed are they by the siren song.

Mermaids and Manatees:

Through the ages, sailors have reported seeing mermaids at sea – usually at a distance. This was explained away as an illusion caused by the imaginations of men who have spent too much time in the exclusive company of other men and who mistook a distant manatee for a mermaid – a mistake not likely to occur up close (if you’ve never seen a manatee, take my word for it).
For option #4:
4) The lips which will be markedly full and red are drawn back from the teeth which gleam long, sharp as razors, and ivory white.
-------------

Mongrel Manatees:

A mongrel is defined, by Dictionary.com, as:
–noun
1. a dog of mixed or indeterminate breed.
2. any animal or plant resulting from the crossing of different breeds or varieties.
3. any cross between different things, esp. if inharmonious or indiscriminate.
–adjective
4. of mixed breed, nature, or origin; of or like a mongrel.


In this piece, mongrel is used as an adjective (#4) to modify “manatee” – a mongrel manatee is, therefor, a cross of creatures producing the mermaid so often attributed to horny sailors.
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/expat4cebu

A contest entry

Do you know the association between manatees and mermaids?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 22, 2008
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    lots of alliteration but no Chimera element that I can see.


  • Cat10
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    thank yu for entering! I love the alliteration! and love how you defined the meanings in your AN, it shows you really want to allow the reader to fully grasp what is going on in the poem. great job and good luck.
    (yes, I do know the association)


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ok I have never used this form of poetry and it looks like it was entered in a few contests congragulations on the silver in the one. I must say I like this alot it was fun to read. Thank you for sharing this with us.


  • fakeport
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Always avoid alliteration. Awful, awful alliteration.

    Yeah I'm kidding, I liked this. It seems like a kind of an extreme experiment exploding (sorry) onto my screen, and it works very well. Took me a few reads, but I got it, and I enjoyed it.


  • MYsecondchance
    June 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is insane plain and simple


  • RX-Queen
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent alliteration and imegery, kind of a tongue twister. I really liked the first stanza, well done. Thanx for entering and good luck!


  • Rasmus
    June 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was great good luk in contest


  • azlyn gold member
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for the entry...very nice use of the words...I was a bit tongue tied but then I am blond!LOL! I enjoyed the read!!!


    Az


  • calendar girl
    April 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    my head is spinning with alliteration =]


    • Expat4Cebu
      April 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      LOL,

      Thanks for your reply. This was a damn-the-torpedoes-full-speed-ahead exercise in alliteration. My only real goal was to avoid writing a tongue-twister.

      I wish I could say there was some hidden message or meaning in the poem -- there's not. Just alliteration and imagery that reveals the evolution of the modern concept of the mermaid.


  • Redrusty66
    April 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great unique title. Wonderful use of imagery. The flow and construction was excellent. It provided for interesting personal perspective. Thanks for the great read.


  • lie
    April 17, 2008

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    I think alliteration can be accomplished in a tasteful tone, but this is a little bit overused. In my opinion it's better if you change the sounds every other line or so, rather than every other stanza. The reader is left feeling overwhelmed, and instead of easing the flow of the poem, it makes the reader a bit lost.
    Pretty much everyone has heard of sirens and their association with sailors, it would have been nicer if you took the piece in a more innovative direction.
    Don't get me wrong, this was a good piece, and you utilized format and structure well, but nothing about this piece really stands out --either in message, emotion, or poetic techniques.

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry, good luck, Josie


  • cover fire hero
    April 16, 2008

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    Pretty good, but the alliteration seemed to detract from the poem for me. It's best used subtly and also you should look into assonance because mixing those two subtly is what I would find impressive. Thanks for sharing.


  • animated lies
    April 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think the alliteration was overdone, honestly. Bits of alliteration are good if you really want it in your piece, but this was like a pretty elaborate tongue twister. I still give you props for this, but it left my mind all in a jumble halfway through. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

    animated


  • Glasyalabolas
    April 10, 2008

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    The alliteration in this piece works excellently well, crafting beautiful images and a quirky tale.

    Good write.


  • insearchofsweetness
    April 9, 2008
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    Whoa all those m's so nicely nestled together into a very good poem.

  • Judith Chandler
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love my love with an M and an S. It's an old Victorian game. I'm amazed that you were able to keep this going so long.

    Very inventive.


  • DrkPoet
    April 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a nice concept for an alliteration poem, and your usage of uncommon words made it smooth which can sometimes be difficult. You did a marvelous job with this, thanks for entering it.

1 - 19 of 19