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Seven Ships In a Steel-Mine

SEVEN SHIPS IN A STEEL-MINE

                             -

In June, 1919, the defeated German High Seas Fleet, interned in Scapa Flow, scuttled itself. During the  interwar years, most of the sunken ships were salvaged, but when World War II broke out, seven were still on the sea-floor. Post-1945, they became an important resource of steel – uncontaminated by fallout from nuclear bombs – for high-precision scientific and medical instruments.

                          -

In the steel-grey waters of Scapa Flow

The König lies, far far below,

Unpolluted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

                       -

The Kronprinz Wilhelm built at Kiel

Rests here deep. Who will buy clean steel,

Unpolluted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki?

                     -

See where the salvage vessel rides,

Plucking precious steel from Brummer’s sides,

Unpolluted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

                     -

Markgraf, built in the Kaiser’s naval race,

Gives steel to fly cleanly in outer space,

Unpol1uted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

                    -

Steel for metering radiotherapy

Karlsruhe provides – radiation-free –

Unpolluted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

                   -

Gadgets for research, devices to cure –

Dresden’s steel is sound and pure,

Unpolluted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

                   - 

Seventh and last proud suicide

Coln works in peace now in labs world-wide,–

This world, stained by Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Author notes

I am having considerable problems with the layout of this poem. The "system" is trying to run everything together. Please note it should be set out in three-lined stanzas - one for each of the ships!

A contest entry

Please do not feel obliged to comment - and if you DO comment, please understand that it may be some time before I respond.

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Comments


  • Not-The-Sun
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    a very interesting, and capturing piece of art, here. the beginning opens up with some information I did not know of, and I love learning (as nerdy as that sounds..)

    I wouldn't say that the last line of this got repetitive, but I think that your word choice in the first two lines of each 3-lined-stanza could have been a bit more strong. With more interesting and powerfully breath taking words, it could have been pulled off a bit better. I say this because it's important to keep the reader, reading.

    On the plus side, I do enjoy the set up/ format of this. The way you used the vessel name in either the 1st or 2nd line of each 3-lined-stanza is brilliant, and then the last line was there for the sake of making the piece important. I am SO glad that you changed the last line to something unique. the last stanza is probably one of the best ones.

    This theme / idea for this poem conveys not just the idea that Hiroshima and Nagasaki are things that effected the world, but you also went into detail about HOW those incidents/places CONTINUE to affect the world, not just emotionally. This isn't another "oh the bomb fell and people were mutilated" type of piece. this is something different;

    And thank you not only for entering but also for sharing with me such a unique form of poetry

    • Vera Rich gold member
      October 12

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment. I was interested to see your reaction to my choice of language, though I am not sure what you mean by "more interesting and breath-taking words" . However, if you mean strange and exotic words, I disagree. (Well, obviously, I do, or I should have worked from a different "word-hoard"!)

      Yes, sixty years ago when I was beginning my career as a poet, I tended to go for the exotic - lush concatenations of hyphened adjectives etc. It took me many years to learn how to achieve telling effects using language pared down to the essentials.

      But the plain, ordinary "Anglo-Saxon" words are the strongest stratum in English - look at, for example, one of the great speeches of Winston Churchill, or, say Martin Luther King's "I have a dream", and then try "translating" it into the orutund Latin-derived language that an 18th-century political orator would have used!

      And when the subject and context are appropriate, I attempt to pare the language of my poems down to the basics. In this case, both the subject and the stark land/seascape of Scapa Flow seemed to me not only to make such minimalism "sufficient" - but also "necessary" (if you will forgive the mathematical language).

      I see from your personal details that you are at "College". I find the US use of this term somewhat puzzling often it seems to apply to what we in the UK would consider a "university" , and I imagine that in your case, it does mean "university" - i.e. that you are currently reading for a Bachelor's degree.

      If your syllabus includes Old English literature, then do have a look at what is in my opinion one of the greatest of Old English poems, "The Dream of the Rood". (Please, I mean look at the original - not some modernization).

      Then contrast the rich, "heroic" descriptions, the colour adjectives the "long-line" versification as the Cross tells its story... and then those sudden stark "hammer-blows" of "Crist waes on rode" - perhaps the five simplest but most telling syllables in the whole body of English poetry... at least so it seems to me.

      But please believe me - I appreciate your comment. I do not ask for feedback... if only for the practical reason that (apart from a few lighthearted squibs) I do not normally exhibit poems on this or any website until they are already in the public sphere (i.e. published in a hard-copy organ or else used in a scripted live presentation), so there is little chance that readers' remarks will result in my revising the poem. However, intelligent comment from someone who really appreciates what a poem is attempting to do (technically, as well as thematically) is always welcome - even if, as in this case, I beg to differ on some points.

      Once again, thank you!


  • dybiw16
    October 9

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    I love how you turned it round at then end, 'this world stained...' a hard hitting message that really made the poem for me. Good flow too. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • TyrannyForestFairy
    July 26, 2008

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    Wonderful work created here. I like the rhyme within each stanza, the introductory paragraph prior to the poem and because it is written in italic, it furthermore captures the history and outlines it and gives the composition effect and emphasis. The conccept of the piece is well thought of and the journey of it is very well structured. I like the repetition of 'Unpolluted by Hiroshima and Nagasaki' after each stanza then slightly altered on the last one to create the mighty concept of finality. Wonderful work, thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!

    ~Emily~ xx