Dim light and guitar strings
leaning against a wall,
sweet chords and ordinary wine;
swishing skirt crosses the room.
I see delicate tiptoes
pirouette on slates, step and turn
raising angles and motion, feet to legs;
arms to torso sweeping long lines.
Curved lower back to wonderful flare
sashay and sway, and eyes closed
elegant embrace of quiet air, and
I feel no envy of this
dance... her perfect lover.
In a list
A contest entry
- simple things- overnighter by Cat.
500 points, ended January 30, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Hello again,interesting to see what everyone's made of this. I saw a flamenco dancer as I read it..maybe "the sweeping long lines"and" her sashay and sway" brought that image to me..or well perhaps the whole thing the sexiness of it...and how can you envy a wonderful flamenco dancer those solitary dancing moments.Whatever your intention as to period or dance it's evocative and nice also the sort of wonder implied that there's no envy..best,
lisa
-
This made me think of the Victorian times. For some reason, becaue of the dance, and the dresses. It just made me think of that. My favorite part is
Curved lower back to wonderful flare
sashay and sway, and eyes closed.
I just really love that line. Keep writing!
-
A melody for harmony, well written,imagery with clarity,original description all with a feel-good factor, a pleasure to read.
. Rewarded 4
-
Music, it is wonderful and you have capture it within your words. Well discribed...love the image it left in my mind while reading...great work, thanks for sharing
-
By the way, the title requires more thought. U might want to create a transitory connection between the theme and the body of the poem. U have talent, but I sense a sway in cohesion.
-
Sexy!
i envision a sexual and sultry danceform especially with the flaring skirt... it is a reasonable piece. however the latter two lines don't flow well with the general rhythm of the piece. Still a wonderful poem tho.
. Rewarded 4
-
-
Thank you So much
for your very thoughtful comment, so helpful to know the thoughts and feelings from the things we write...so very much appreciated...PK
-
-
you're her perfect lover or the guy she is dancing with is the perfect lover? i'm not sure the end is as clear as you might want it..
i think your alliteration here is very pretty as are your images
m -
-
thank you Cat
yes, maybe one edit too many...PK
-
-
very nice...
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
