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If Only I had Known

The first time our eyes met,
I was filled with life anew.
The flutter and excitement
I could only feel from you.

Compliments and kisses,
Fresh flowers,sweet cologne,
Would I have been so captivated,
if I had only known?


Oh, if only I had known....


There would be beard
clippings in the sink,
and bodily functions
that REALLY stink!

There would be dirty socks
on the living room floor,
And you would shout like a lunatic
when your favorite team scores,

You drink from the milk jug,
leave crumbs in the bed.
Wooheee! Steer clear of the bathroom,
I think somethings dead.

I don't sleep a wink
with your symphony of snoring all night.
And I could swear you leave the seat up,
just out of spite.

You use metal utensils
in my teflon pans.
And you like those little weiners
that come in a can.

You don't know how to change
the empty toilet paper roll,
And you wouldn't make the bed
to save your soul.



All of these things were
unapparent in the start,
but even with your idiosyncrasies,
you stole my heart.

Oh, if only I had known...

There would be a look in your eye,
that can calm the worst of fears.
And you would still give me butterflies,
after all of these years.

Your embrace can warm,
the coldest night.
And you love to argue,
just to make up from the fight.

You are my knight in shining armor.
You are my rock, my fortress.
If I had only known,
would I have given up all of this?



Never....


Each time our eyes meet,
I am still filled with life anew.
The flutter and excitement
I could only feel from you.




A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    not bad. this was a unique way of observing a person and being in a relationship


  • aeolia
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "And you like those little weiner's
    that come in a can."
    First, that should be "weiners," as you mean it to be plural and not possessive, and second, there are people who actually EAT them? What a strange world this is.

    Overall, an effective piece. I didn't think the metre you used was the best, and there were cliches scattered throughout the piece (the closing stanza, knight in shining armour, etc), but it was a relaxing read. Ta for the entry.

    -hiraeth


    • marciakay81
      July 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your critique. (i fixed the weiners) and yes as disgusting as it seems...there are actually people that eat them...yuck!

      • aeolia
        July 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Haha, that's shocking. If the man in the poem's your husband, sorry that you have to live with the weiners... and the dirty socks, ew. (But this is coming from the girl who, in secondary school, decided to publicly eat canned cat food.)


  • crazymomma
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL! I loved the imagery here. It really reminded me of my man. This was really cute and funny. Thanks for entering


  • Ryno
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    _Yes_ Creativity / Originality
    _Yes_ Imagery
    _No_ Metaphor
    _Yes_ Emotion
    _Yes_ Reaction
    _Yes_ Relatability
    _Yes_ Fluency
    _Yes_ Powerful Beginning
    _Yes_ Powerful Middle
    _No_ Powerful Ending
    _Yes_ Connecting Ideas
    _Yes_ Interesting Idea Behind Piece and/or a Message Behind Piece
    _Yes_ Interesting In General (Does Not Bore)


  • Fire-Fly
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh this is really good, it's certainly got its amusement in there, but it's also really sweet and tells a lovely story.

    Thank you for entering.

    Well done and good luck in my contest.


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is well written and i liked this very much. thanks for entering my contest and I wish you luck. well writtten and overall very gifted writing.


  • Nicada silver member
    May 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very real and funny look at love. So many can relate to this! Great job and congratualtions on the gold!Patty


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    May 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this!!! A fairytale love, but with some realistic features thank you for entering my contest!

    all the best

    becks


  • eleno
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, i really enjoyed this one, i somehow knew it would still be a happy ending one and you are right, it really is like, you like their perfection sides, but you fall in love with the real them, the ones that snore, and cheer teams, lovong players they never really met so true. i know wats it like, though i dnt live with my love, but i know how it would feel for i know most the imperfections already. good luck -eleno


  • Meroza
    March 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Judging:
    - Title: The poem fits the title perfectly.
    - Is it what I am looking for? Both yes and no.
    - Emotions: Its very fun, but yet I can feel all the love in it.
    - Wowness: Good Wowness (wish I had a max wowness, 'cause thats what you would get)
    - This poem is so fun and jsut totaly raw trueness, but yet its tender and full of love.

    Amazingly written!


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    March 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully written....the fun of

    being HIS spouse!

    That ..........never........i'm sure every woman
    worldwide just laughed..and somehow understood
    the meaning of that!

    well done poet, well done!
    when the honeymoon is over the real relationship
    begins!
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen/Seattle. thankyou for your smart entry!


  • Meroza
    March 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This poem is beatiful and yet fun at the same time. Its very well written and I like it, good job!


  • takemypainaway
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol this is funny and interesting to think about

    consedering i have been married for two months now but

    i certanly know this lol

    thank you so much for the entry

    --kat

    *


  • penman gold member
    February 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Very powerful and touching poem. Congratulations on your gold.


  • One Angry Monkey
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great work, i really enjoyed the flow and humour of it all. Thanks for the entry.
    Theres a typo on the sixth last line. An "I" missing.


  • SenseiRidgway
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Guessing I know who this is about. "Knight"

1 - 19 of 19