[ How can I start this ]

How can I start this
And explain it so you can understand that
I could write a whole story
Full of my experience,
Yet still not get through
How much I miss the most important guy in my life
No boyfriend, no lover, not even a brother
But a father
One I never got to know
Shot and never the same
Dead and never quite known
For the great man that he was
The father that he could never be
My childhood filled with watching him die
Helpless
Watching him get better, then fall again
Knowing it was harder every time to get back up again
When finally, it was too much
He fell and was in a coma
No one at the house, he was there for hours
At the hospital, surrounded by the horrid smell
Of death waiting behind the curtain
When finally, the broken man couldn't get back up
Not from this
I never quite realize how much I miss him
Until something reminds me of how things could have been
How they should be, and never could be
Poor mother, my anguish is for her and her loneliness
She is pushed so hard, how much longer until she too can't go on?
In what way should I end this?
How can I end something that explains what is ever going
The truth is I can't.
I can't end this ever pressing need for my daddy.