I was kind of wondering
If maybe
You would spend some time with me
Your blood and flesh daughter
Instead of the liquid daughter that comes in a can
And intoxicates you
And takes you over
And leaves me in the dust
No I can't make all your pain go away
But I'm real and I'm here
I love you
And I care too
Put down the beer
And please just stay
Daddy, I miss you
When your drowning in the bottle
Daddy, I still love you
Even when your too drunk to realize what you're saying
And in those nights when you're not with me
I cry and shiver all alone in bed
I really need my daddy
People tell me to grow up
And get over it
Cause I'm seventeen
I should be okay with it
But in truth I'm so sad
On the inside I'm crying
On the outside you're dying
And I wish I could stop it all
And you'd be there when I call
So this is the song
Of my Daddy and I
And how my heart aches
And how his liver breaks
A contest entry
- Angels of the Dragon Group Contest....Anyone welcome.,,Please check inside. by PassionsPromise.
1650 points, ended February 2, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Confliction by BlankSillhouette.
600 points, ended March 5, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS!!!!!!!!! AND PREWRITES!!!!!!! by Ale E.
600 points, ended March 22, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alone At Last by MyMudPies.
450 points, ended March 20, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Searching For New Favourites ♥ by Immortal Obscurity.
1750 points, ended April 9, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stop Child Abuse: August Contest by Page Shut down.
600 points, ended September 1, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No One Cares by perfectdarkangel.
525 points, ended October 11, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is a for real thing with me because my dad is really like this
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I can really relate to this, my step-father is an alcoholic and when he's sober he'd rather be with his "real" daughter than with me. A sad and powerful piece of writing.
Thanks for entering and best of luck.
Forever--x
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-sigh- I somewhat know how you feel, people who are telling you to grow up just dont understand your pain, its an awsome song thanks for entering
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i Love it! Beautifully written
Wondrous expressions, rhythm and twisted telling of the tail.I love the strength and beauty in your words
Good write
and thanks for sharing this poem.
Glenn
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wow this is great and its sad I mean most kids feel this way even if they are adults and most don't express it
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Forgot the claps
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Wow.
I can relate to this so easily as my Dad is exactly like that and whilst I am now 21 I still sometimes wish he'd notice I'm around instead of the beer ...
"Your blood and flesh daughter
Instead of the liquid daughter that comes in a can"
Excellent lines!
♥
Thank You for your entry in Stop Child Abuse - August & Best of Luck
Stay safe
~Manda
Co-Judge -
a brilliant poem full of raw emotions I love the last few lines because I have an alcoholic mother and can relate thank you for entering the contest and good luck in the contest
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WOW this is great i love how you made it so we the reader could feel what you fell. well down.
thank you.
T-bird
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Wow, I love it, because I felt like I could relate to your pain here. My biological father, while not an alcoholic, was very neglectful and psychologically abusive of my sister and I... To spite us, he even called his dog his 'son', and six years later, that still cuts me like a thousand knives.
While I noticed a few spelling and grammar errors, I was generally very impressed with your poem, especially the alcohol reference in the opening stanzas. Into the finals you go... Good luck!
Laura xxx
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Very bitter sweet. My grandfather and my mom were like this. It hits home pretty hard. Great write though and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you for entering,
Stephanie -
I actually really liked this piece. The flow was stronger at certain parts but the overall message was very strong, and oh how very true.
Thank you very much for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
ale xox
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Again. Amazing. The first piece was good, but this one was absolutely breathtaking! Welcome to the finals, and good luck!
Best of wishes
XBlankSillhouetteX -
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THANX SO MUCH 4 UR COMMENTS. IM GLAD THIS TAKES UR BREATH AWAY
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Very powerful! Very touching and very sad, too. You use such incredible imagery.
"the liquid daughter that comes in a can"
"your drowning in the bottle"
"On the inside I'm crying
On the outside you're dying"
This part really gets me:
"People tell me to grow up
And get over it
Cause I'm seventeen
I should be okay with it
But in truth i'm so sad"
Growing up does not mean getting over it. You NEVER "get over it". It will always hurt to have someone you love and need in your life wasting away in an addiction.
I am so glad that you are writing about this. I encourage you to keep on writing, hon.
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this is good.
i kinda know how you feel cuz my dad replaced me wit my step mom. so i kno your pain. =(
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Thanx
Thank u just 4 getting it. I am truly gr8ful when people get what im going thru. Thanx 4 ur comment as well.
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Again, really good; really down to earth. Well done. I hope your father kicks his habit.
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Holy crap. what a piece you penned. I am sorry you had to feel like this and even go trhough this. I wish you well.
thanks for a powerful piece.
Passions
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