thanks for making me feel
{W.O.R.T.H.L.E.S.S}
in your eyes
&& with every selfish lie
[that cut like a knife]
you bro|ke me apart-->;; (without a single care)
tired of the petty games
&& your +stupid+ smile
[i;ll bre|ak it in two]
{could you do me just one [f][a][v][o][r]
and fucking k-i-l-l yourself?}
don;t l|o|o|k at me-->;; (i can;t s t a n d it)
don't ever speak my _name_ again
[you;re the one who;s |†completely†| w.o.r.t.h.l.e.s.s]
i;m done taking the blame for you
i;m done lying to >save< you
[face it dollf@ce-->;; (you can;t be saved)]
i cried my last t.e.a.r for you
i _d i e d_ that last time for _you_
(it;s like you were never even t.h.e.r.e
did you hear a word i said?}
&& you have †forsaken† me-->;; (but never again)
i called out to my savior♥;
&& he gave me the [t.r.u.e] one
who can heal this g a p i n g wound
[that you left for me]
&& i can see now babi-->;; (you never cared for me)
you showed me that some l|♥|v|e isn;t .:.real.:. [l][♥][v][e]
you showed me so many things...
[like how to b_l_e_e_d-->;; (watch it run _d o w n_ my arms)]
there's nothing more that i want
than to [f][o][r][g][e][t] your f@ce
{i never mattered to you anyway
don;t lie babi; i;m sick of hearing it}
so just run and hide-->;; (like you always have)
i'm moving on && then you;ll see
{you;re a l o s e r ;;
cuz you lost me♥}
&& he found me, showed me there;s more to l.i.f.e
he ^lifted^ me out of the ashes-->;; (ashes of everything you burned)
i see the truth now
[i;m fucking beautiful]
{i may be worthless in your e y e s ;
but why should your opinion k-i-l-l me?}
it;s amazing i can trust another guy-->;; (he;ll never destroy me like you did)
he;s opened my _e y e s_ to l.i.f.e
[i don;t have to d+i+e for l|♥|v|e]
i live for god && i live for †r e a l† [l][♥][v][e]
&& god led me straight to devin
so i gave him my heart♥-->;; (&& it;s his to hold as god commands)
so babi;; do you see?
{you;re a l o s e r ;;
cuz you lost me♥}
Author notes
Not totally sure which option this fits, but I went for it.
I'm guessing the STRICTLY TEEN OPTION: & I'm 17; but I was also inspired by the line "'Cause what I thought was love was only lies".
I hope this fits what you're looking for!
A contest entry
- MOVING ON - Breakup Poetry - Options by Girl With Guitar.
625 points, ended February 16, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - D.I.R.T.Y. [p r e t t y] ♥ ConTest ♣ by Kathraina.
490 points, ended March 20, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This a really good, very strong emotion and vivid imagery. A fantastic job you've done here!
-
I liked it
I got the feeling behind it, even though the form is new to me. So I cannot respond to technical merit of form.
-
"i;m done taking the b_l_a_m_e for you
i;m done lying to >save< you
[face it dollf@ce-->;; (you can;t be saved)]
i cried my last t.e.a.r for you
i _d i e d_ that last time for _you_"
and
"{you;re a l o s e r ;;
cuz you lost me♥}"
are the best parts, the parts that stick out the most to me. The repetition of the last bit is amazing, perfectly thought about there.
And I must say, this really reminds me of the phoenix, bursting into flames and then being reborn.
One thing about this whole poem is that it loses strength about 3/4's of the way through, even though the last two lines pick it up, it still needs to be strengthened a bit.
But great write, there's a couple of things there that struck me, and the rules were followed so there's a bonus!
Thanks so much for your pain, you're doing yourself good as well as others by letting it out. 
♥Bandaid -
you are really creative and a powerful writer.
hope you win the contest.
=]
-
Hmmm.
Well, first off, let me say- nice try. A lot of girls around here think they can write true dirty-pretty, when they really can't. Nice effort, though.
I agree with OurxBeginning- there's way too much punctuation. Girls like you don't get it; dirty pretty isn't about punctuation or drowning your words with too much of it. It's about the words it's emphasizing, and to be honest, if you weren't hiding behind the wannabe-dirty-pretty third-grade crap, your poem would suck.
I know that's really, really harsh, but it's my opinion. We all have our own.
Good luck in the contest
Jeanette*~ -
To be honest, I think this is cliche in some areas, and WAY over punctuated. I've never been a fan of dirty pretty, and I was reminded why with your write, no offense, but I don't really like it. The emotion was powerful though.
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