Oh, Zaid, we're not free, our anger they incite,
our home proudly we hail'd until rockets came screaming.
their broad strikes left large scars, through an unfounded fight,
'cross the sands we watched, prayed Allah would be redeeming.
the GI's blank stare, and homes blown into the air ,
Gave proof that we're right, George's brain is not there.
O Zaid, why must we watch their banner yet wave
O'er our land of detainees, the home of more graves?
Author notes
this piece is dedicated to the dumbest president we shall ever see.
In a list
A contest entry
- CONTEST: Offensive Pre-Writes by Edna Sweetlove.
300 points, ended February 5, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
Yes ...
Bush is the worst President in American history. I'm not sure he's the dumbest, but if you're talking evil, I imagine he would take the Gold.
I did a poem called Betrayal Hymn of the Republic and was roundly attacked over it, but it seems to be similar to this one.
Congrats on your Gold. Getting one from Edna is a feat.
-
-
send me the link to it
-
-
He may be dumb (well, yes he probably is) but just think that Hucklefuckle won a couple of states! And he doesn't believe in evolution! Staggering.
-
-
Edna,
Thanks for the shiny gold cup, do you know where the nearest pawn shop is?
seriously though, thanks I am glad that this was up to your high standards. I guess making a mockery of the american anthem was the way to go. glad you found it cup worthy...peace Terry
-
-
There is but one thing that confuses me.
To ellect george bush and find out he is retarded after the event is regretablly a mistake.
But to do it a second time?
Come on all you liberals complaining about what he has done.
If he hadn't been elected then there would be no problem.
And "normal" americans wonder why the world does not think highly of them. -
-
To "Kev"
I love your bad spellings. You must be a "republican-thickie" as the rest of the world calls them. -
-
Nope just another stupid Englishman.
-
-
To "Kev"
I am ashamed that anyone English could be so badly educated as to imagine "elect" is "ellect". So you cannot be English but merely an American twat. -
-
Unfortunately i was at the back of the queue when brains were dished out after the austere years of the second coming of the all heroic american invaders.
My life was thwarted by the fact that we(the british) had to pay back monies loaned(plus interest)from the USA for fighting for democracy.
But that has nothing to do with the fact that i forgot(in my haste) to spell check. -
-
KEv, just a word of advice, if you are going to correspond with Edna please be sure to use proper spelling and grammar. Things will go much better for you if you do. Edna may be British but she is a nazi when it comes to grammar and spelling, not that that is a bad thing, just stating the facts.
-
-
-
-
-
-
i thought this was thought provoking
you did your job whether people like this or not.....it makes you think...i won't say how i feel other than i think you did a great job here....peace
-
Yep, America kind of sucks right now. Not necessarily our fault. We were snookered. But it's certainly our responsibility or this really great experiment filled with axioms and reason will undermine and unwind itself. Maybe we got too fat, so some parasite adapted itself, and came along to eat us. We're thinning up now though. Ah sweet necessity.
I really hope we drop our look of stupid mis comprehension and start realizing something greater than ourselves is at risk.
I hope we at least try to save it.
-
i have mixed feelings about this. yes maybe the leaders arent all there but you rendition of the sodiers blank stares. im sorry but ive been overseas and i have yet to seen a soldier with a blank stare we all miss home but we love what we do and if it werent for that we wouldnt be over there. the military for the most part has a volunteer basis for deployment. we do what we do not for the stupid leaders. i am agreeing with you on that fact but we also do it to keep our homes safe.
-
-
the line "the GI's blank stare" was not meant to mean that they were all starry eyed for home, but that the blank stare represented the fact that many wonder why they (the us government-not the soldiers themselves)are even there anymore. I have the fullest respect for US soldiers. their leader has put them wrongfully in harms way, doing a job that most would not do. period. This piece was not to disrespect the US troops or the US citizenry on the whole but more so it was a statement against george bush and his sad term as President...peace
-
-
From the moment I started reading this, I felt this immediate derision toward our nation's leader. With this, you incite both a grave and humorous out-take on the "Star-Spangled Banner". Your version doesn't read as smoothly as the original, yet it evokes a truth far greater than Mr. Key's version ever could in this day and age.
Oh, and maybe you should make Georges possessive.
-
-
I did get the syllable count right on each line though, but you are right the original reads better, but I think thats just because we know it so well. I bet if you sang this to yourself one hundred times, it would flow off the tongue as smoothly as the original. thanks for the heads up on george's, will go fix that now...peace
-
-
Sorry To Waste................
your points but it says to leave a thoughtful comment and this ...well... -
-
Well what Toni? for someone with the name Talking Toni, you sure dont have much to say dont worry aboutthe points I got lots more where they came from...peace
-
-
Great
I think that you have said in words what Hendrix did with music in his rendition of The Star Spangled Banner.
Different war, mais plus ca change, plus c'est la meme.
-
thanks Fader, I thought you might share the same sentiment...peace Terry
-
As I have said in one of my poems on the subject, "stupidity still reigns". Hopefully not for to much longer! Well said my friend!
-
This is an excellent mockery of the man who, together with his pro-Israeli neocon loonies, has managed to rub the name of America into the mud over the entire Muslim World. Even now, tourists with American accents are laughed at and insulted wherever they go. This is potentially bad luck for Canadian tourists, but they should wear a giant maple leaf on their shirts to keep themselves safe.
-
i like the reworking
-
-
thanks
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
