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Our Hidden Beast

                              Every man on the face of the earth
                         has a point of weakness siince his day of birth  

                                       He knows it very well
                             but he doesn't wanna admit or tell

                               He doedn't wanna face it at all
                            because it leads him to his downfall

                   Escept for the one who's on the impeovement track
                      he faces his weakness with a powerfull smack

                                 And everyday he improves himself
                                           Do you know how?
                        He opened the book of weakness ver his shelf
                             and admitted that he got a weakness

                                   even if it is as tiny as an elf

                                      Then let's face it together
                                        hands in hands forever
  
                             We will be armed by Faith , Will and Hope
                                    holding tightly the Lord's rope
                             Willing to move against the bad slope

                               And stop whenever the rope is cut
                                       Which won't happen
                            Believe me God's willing is a must

                                     God's willing is a must

Author notes

people this poem i wrote it to tell tht everyone has his own weakness point and he must face it... tell me ur opinion

 

The Silnet Mind ,Raven Dark

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Comments


  • Tarja
    January 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was extremely impressed by this. I think that message is very strong and true and for the most part it was also very well written. However I do think that there were places that the rhyming was forced, like this line for example:
    "even if it is as tiny as an elf"
    THat line just needs to come out all together... It really doesn't fit at all and it really seems like you were just trying to desperately to find a word to rhyme with the others. Also the last stanza could use some revision, cut doesn't rhyme with must.


    • spy boy
      August 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      too late reply

      well,thank 4 the comment...i saw it so much late...
      i found that there is soo much spelling mistakes in the poem...
      u r right about the ryhme peoblem ,i was reallly looking for a word to rhyme.
      hope u comment on my other peoms too.