sunbathing wet stones
beneath waterfalls cascade:
dog with cocked leg
Author notes
"This is a great form of poetry
that flows from my thoughts,
though the picture I see is greater,
I have summed it all up beautifully in such short verse."
A contest entry
- Haiku by InBetweenThoughts; all welcome by InBetweenThoughts.
600 points, ended February 21, 2008, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold-tastic [prewrite contest!] by Tangled Angle.
525 points, ended February 29, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE WRITE QU ICK- IES by Luminescence.
300 points, ended March 14, 2008, 64 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Mania 2 by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended April 7, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Form Options by poets whisper.
1200 points, ended December 11, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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LOL. what a great aha ending
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I cannot help but to chuckle with this piece.
You have penned a wonderful haiku
that carries the punch in the end very well.
Thank you for entering!
Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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LOL, it is natural indeed, but I have to be honest and say that the beautiful image was quite ruined with the dog. Sunbathing surely is shadowed by such a fate. I think the dog did not make this stronger
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I really don't understand the poem I'm afraid... I would really welcome a better explaination if you would,
Thank you,
~lumin -
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Hi,
In a Haiku the idea is to show a momment in time with the poet just being a spectator to the event .. writing what they see, they are usually based around nature and have something in them that gives a clue to the season, in this case the word "sunbathing" gives the feeling of summer. A Haiku also has the "aha" momment, when the reader realises that the writer is not actually talking about what they think he/she is.
I'll break it down for you;
"sunbathing wet stones" - spray evaporates from stones splashed, set in summer ie sunbathing
"beneath waterfalls cascade" - giving the image of a waterfall creating that spray that wets the stones in line 1.
"dog with cocked leg" - the aha momment, when the reader realises that the first two lines don't set that tranquil scene of a summers day with a waterfall .. it is in fact a dog doing what comes naturally, the waterfall is in fact the dog having a wee.
Hope that helps with the understanding .. this is a good link to better describe a Haiku than I could give.
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2340132
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lol funny!
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lol...
This is well-expressed Haiku with vivid imagery.
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Cool!
I had a feeling this was going to catch Kens attention....nice job and congrats on that Gold!
Bear ~
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Oh my ~
I see 12 cocked legs right now....it's Tee Tee time!
Great imagination and visual....good luck!
Bear ~
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Thank you for your entry, excellent imagery throughout. I'm sure we can all see this clearly! Good form and counts..Ken IBT
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lol Great AH HAH! Beautiful imagery... even with the leg lifted
I wish you all the best with the very creative entry!
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Very vivd visuals you share in these lines - liked this haiku write, form and message you share with readers. Gave me a chuckle.
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well done - took me there, and splashed me!
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Excellent
Lol, especially as I have a dog myself. Thank you so much for this poem but more so for your author's notes and explanation of Haiku. I've seen it featured loads and i've never been too sure on it. Look forward to reading more of your stuff. Good luck in contest.
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wonderful
I love it, not many can write Haikus, very brilliant. -
different
Short but quite visual.
The images are both beautiful
an absurd. Yet real. -
cute cute cute
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this was so cute and funny. thank you so much i needed that laugh.hope you will have a great night
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Okay, you really had me by the ears on this one!!! At first I was like, "Oh what beautiful imagery. " LOL. You know, until I came to the PEE part!!!! Just too funny and wonderfully well done!!! And since haikus are mostly about nature, ahem, your poem fits right in the genre!!!
Thanks for the smile.
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It takes a special talent to write Haiku, I believe, and as always, your versatility allows you to do so with perfection...This is excellent...Another example of why you never cease to amaze me...
Lynda
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