Two-sided heart...

One heart of which I yield
Two sides if which I hold
One I have loved with long and loyaly
The other I have loved with less time, but forbiddenly.

Foolish I am, for allowing my heart to love another
Cursed I am to live with these two sides
Feeling the pain caused and suffered on each side
Taking one side hurts the other, decisions I have made hurt all

I ask you if you could ever forgive me, knowing even if you say yes
That you might as well be saying "Leave me the fuck alone!"
Starting over seems foolish to ask, when we know each other well
And forgetting is too much to ask for, so maybe goodbye would be best?

Fear of hurting you even more clouds my judgment, and sorrow for the hurt I caused you
Pains my heart, as much I words go unsaid....feelings of regret and longing reside
While actions go unheeded and unseen.  I wish I could let go of all I have done to you
For I care about you deeply still to let you go on living with my stupid lies and

You deserve better than me, one who will love you and ONLY you
When I lied about saying I want to take her pain away and called for a break with you
Really confused and alone, my heart broke when you looked into my eyes and spoke
your heart, and when you didn't stop me....but told me to do as I thought was right...

I love you so much, and living life without you is a fate worse than hell to me. 
Without your warm smile to brighten me, your lively voice to relax me,
Your lips to steal me, your beautiful eyes to wonder off in,
Your love in which made me indescribable, and having you leaves me an empty abyss.

Knowing time has passed since we were one, feelings change, but mine haven't.
I know you are hurt too much, and listening to others talk about what has happened
Makes the pain only stronger and the hurt to rise. My words and actions are worse than all, aren't they?

Can you tell me how you truly feel, so than we both do our parts.  I've asked before
Only to cause you relentless hurt, and saying sorry doesn't take anything away
So I will not say sorry anymore, but only ask you one question: "What do you want me to do?"

All my mind has in you in thought, and how many times I told myself I thought wrong.
My heart aches from the break caused by each others words and actions, both you and me did nothing to keep the fire kindling but rather extinguish.
My dreams are haunted from the never-ending nightmare I created on that night.

I'm not the same anymore, and I guess you all ready know that.
My fear of hurting you again is too overwhelming for me to ask you back out,
and that fear drives me to do irrational things, which in turn hurt you more.
I want you....but I know we aren't going to be.....

I only hope you can forgive me countless more times....and hope to live a life full of happiness and love....as it won't involve me....
So I guess goodbye is the best thing I can give you?