Madness!

Late nights I sit, chair by the fire, with burning desire.
Drunk on the darkness
Tipsy on twilight.
I am alive, oh so alive
and I am dead, dead as the stone walls enclosing me,
holding me, the bright embers scolding me.

Not a sound punctures the silence, no sight interrupts blindness.

I'm alive, I am dead, I'm alive, I am dead
I am, I am, I am

A sound descends
Just one notes, hanging in the air
Teasing, pleasing, easing.

NO!

Maddening, maddening!

And then another, below it
and then another, above it

Soon a symphony is playing

And it's madness, madness
Chaos, Anarchy, Blasphemy, Suffering!

Head is spinning, ears on fire, mind BURNING
Oh God!

Then one note, singing, singing, singing

Soothing, Gentle, Beautiful.

It fades, It's gone

I'm alone.

I am dead, I'm alive, I am dead, I'm alive

I am dead, dead as the stone walls that enclose me
The embers that no longer scold me.

Smoke is all that is left, gone with the first subtle breeze
departing, fleeting, flying.

Gone, Gone, Gone

Author notes

I don't know what this is, mostly just a jumble of emotions. The entire poem changed dramatically at some point, from the organized poetic style to the insane few word lines. It was not my intention but it's appropriate.

I guess I've been feeling a bit like this lately. I've felt so weak, physically I mean, but it's taking a toll on me that I dare not admit. This is as close as I get.

I don't know how to interpret this, so do so as you like. The one thing I will make clearer is that I am a lover of music, it is my soul, I strive for it, I burn for it, it haunts me. I guess you could say we have a love/hate relationship.