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acoustic

Do you feel a strumming

of my affection across your skin?

Like rain in August, sunshine in January,

it plays for our spirits a song of escape.

 

As one feather, its tip, the cusp

of my desire, how slowly shall I run

it down your stomach before it

becomes unbearable to you?

 

Like a softly picked solo,

steadily at my heart, waiting

to be in your arms, for a slow dance

of mouths, a moment when music

releases its storm to pleasure. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Kaki King - Neanderthal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-getNkpZeI
still editing this one...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • MissApparition
    April 3, 2008

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    Another beautifully wrought poem! Your use of imagery and metaphor are second only to your ability to chose words which elicit great emotion! There are so many lines that I love in this piece that I can't seem to choose any to highlight. Great work!


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    April 1, 2008

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    deserved the gold.... take out the first line of last stanza ... .... really ,,,, the way you have this written flows beautifull and then just as it is ready to do the obvious, the poet says, stop, this is going to be a kiss ... no kiddin' ... take the line out and it will only enhance an already fine poem


  • tony yates silver member
    March 21, 2008
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    beautiful

    brilliant work, congratulations on the gold, well done


  • Swan song gold member
    March 21, 2008

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    Oh my Storm of pleasure! Wowza girl you are penning some good stuff!!!! Play Wink


  • BellaD
    March 8, 2008

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    Love it!

    The sensory detail are so powerful in this piece that I have goosebumps (literally!) from reading it. Beautifully written. Congrats on the well deserved Gold.


  • individuality gold member
    February 16, 2008

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    An enjoyable piece of poetry, very sensual and soft, the poem flutters itself into the mind via the eyes. A good poem.


  • poeticweaver gold member
    February 7, 2008

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    Forgot these!


  • poeticweaver gold member
    February 7, 2008
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    Beautifully weaved, with excellent metaphors.
    Thanks for sharing my sweet friend, pen on poetess!

    -Timothy :


  • Jim Berkheiser
    February 6, 2008

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    I love the tactile images, adding another sense into this sensual poem.

    Very well done.

    Jim


  • monstruo
    February 5, 2008

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    Haha, you know, something told me that from the start. Yeah this made just as much sense before as it does now. My intuition is remarkable.


  • zochit2me gold member
    February 4, 2008

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    I totally felt this poem...

    Very well done Tara.

    how slowly shall I run it down your
    stomach before it becomes unbearable


    to you? Like the soft picking
    of a love song, steadily at my heart;
    waiting to be in your arms,

    Becky


  • Nicolette gold member
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is poetry in motion, mouth music... you should have posted this in one of our music contests, Tara. Lovely...and so deliciously sensual... ah, yes, the release. loved it!

    ~ Nicolette


  • Namita
    February 3, 2008

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    Yes, I can feel it, I can hear it... And its beautiful... the music, the touch- how can you write so beautifully, Tara?

    Great job!


  • Jack vs Explosion
    January 30, 2008

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    I first read "I Am Not Amanda" from a link on the main page as was slightly intrigued. It's not often that I find a poem that speaks simply and leaves any type of emotional resonance as they're typically just a recollection of events (which anyone can do) instead of an offering of effect, a reaction that can't be explained or mapped. So with that, I decided to check other pieces you'd done.

    And I found this.

    At first glance, it has every word I've ever seen in every other poem. Longing... Desire... Heart... Love... Kiss... Pleasure. Words used most normatively to show how contrived an individual is. But in connecting each word and filling in each space, you've managed to amaze me. Sensuality in its natural form.

    There's something here that is certainly inspiring, and not in the literary sense, but in the sense of affection. I want to almost go out and find someone where connection starts first with a touch, and ends with non-tangible connectivity.

    The alternative is, of course, that I've read too much into it. Which would be a God damn shame.

  • Danny Beatty gold member
    January 30, 2008
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    Oh gosh :

    Do you feel a

    strumming of my

    affection across your skin?


    Like rain in August;

    sunshine in January, it plays for

    our spirits a dance of escape.



    As one feather, its tip,

    the cusp of my desire; my longing -


    The originality of this is wonderful, not to mention, well, erotic, tender, almost an ache within a sigh storm ... like rain in August, hot air needing, wanting so a relief, a release. Sunshine in January ... like cold, lonely frigid envelope the sky is merciless until...sunshine, its warmth, an invitation to dance a dance which beckons ardently for the cold may return until the next day or week.

    The beauty of this speaks for itself ... it is a beautiful thing.

    Moqui say ... i may be out of points again


  • Kiran silver member
    January 30, 2008

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    This is simply stunning! A perfect piece, with beautiful imagery! Wonderful tone and flow. Just brilliant. Well done.


  • naked roots
    January 30, 2008

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    oooh...what a beautiful sensual poem that just makes me wish for the warmth of touch and intimacy. I loved:
    "how slowly shall I run it down your
    stomach before it becomes unbearable"
    Excellent, as always Tara.


  • Heath Thompson
    January 30, 2008

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    Hello Ardent March, I first came across your work yesterday - I am not Amanda. I didn't leave a comment as I wanted to re-read and let it sink in a little - I will come back to that at the weekend. You then leave a comment on my page, so I take a look at your work and stop dead in my tracks with this beauty. You have talent my friend and I am glad you are writing. There is much I like about this poem but what I really like is the last line - the fact you say "storm to pleasure" not "of pleasure" which shows a deeper thought process then I every manage.


  • Tam
    January 30, 2008

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    oh...my...Lord!!!

    Tara...this is just too much...
    how do you do this time and again?
    oh...if this isn't one of the best I've read by you...
    and the word: cusp...I LOVE THIS WORD...
    you rock my world lady! indeed you are so very gifted...your poetic ability never ceases to amaze me!
    your poem is far, far more pleasing than the inspiration song...
    I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN...
    LOL
    I feel like starting an ardentMarch fan club...I'm not joking...LOL
    Blessings! Tammy


  • Oisin silver member
    January 29, 2008

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    I believe it should run as slow as January!

    "for the kiss of our mouths"

    What can't be said about a kiss?

    Such very wonderful desires you find here!!!!!

    bravo


  • Jersene gold member
    January 29, 2008
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    very sensual and flowing, like a song.


  • misselaineous
    January 29, 2008
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    this caresses

  • Improv Machinery
    January 29, 2008

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    a very interesting take on the song. Neanderthal is one of my favorite songs by Kaki King aside from Goby and Doing The Wrong Thing and i really love how you put a breath of life into the act of strumming on a guitar. i have a very deep appreciation of this write because i play the guitar, and what you are saying is very true. music has an almost superhuman power to make you laugh, cry, or give you goosebumps, among other things. wonderfully written.
    Rob


  • Sonja
    January 29, 2008

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    I can hear it... the sound of music coming from your words. Soft, sensual like the real love is.
    ~Sonja~


  • Jim Berkheiser
    January 29, 2008
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    Sensual and delicate. Beautiful write.


  • elemental angel
    January 29, 2008

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    Beautifully written full of wonderful sensual imagery.
    Bravo


  • philosphyofkate
    January 29, 2008

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    oh good song choice! this certainly fit. delightful and shivery. and i love the second to last stanza. just mmm.

  • Virgoan
    January 29, 2008

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    Wow! I am awestruck Tara...another well written piece from you. I like the first and second stanza the most.

    Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

    HENSLEY a.k.a VIRGOAN


  • arafura gold member
    January 28, 2008

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    Love in March...

    This is incredibly sensual but romantic at the same time. Such moving emotions... such tender imagery! Good luck in the contest!


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    January 28, 2008

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    "One feather, its tip - the cusp of my desire,

    how slowly shall I run it down your stomach
    before it becomes unbearable to you,"


    Oh, this is amazing, and I just happen to be crazy about feathers as well. Lol!

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    January 28, 2008

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    I read this once and cried as it touched me so much.I then clicked to the musical inspiration and listened to it in it's entirety, fascinated by Kaki playing the guitar but sounding like she was playing several instruments. The poem is outstanding.It stands alone in it's own right as pure poetry and yet it compliments the artistry of the musical inspiration.I read this again after listening simply to enjoy every nuance of every note within.Bravo.


  • PageTurner
    January 28, 2008

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    Soul Soothing Sensual

    A sensual delight!

    "I want us to feel that moment
    when music releases its


    storm to pleasure."


    ...Sighhh!

    Emotionally Moving, Scribe.

    ~ Nicky♥

  • silverfish
    January 28, 2008

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    i have run a long but your poem has slowed my pace to a thoughtful pause. what a nice respite is your verse. i declare for myself, march is the coolest month. -redphish


  • Blueskywonder
    January 28, 2008

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    Outstanding!!

    This is an exceptional piece of sensual poetry... quite stunning to the senses. A most beautiful piece of poetry with layers of sensory riches. Well done... thankyou for sharing such good poetry with us.

    By the way
    It flowed like a gentle running stream... dream!

1 - 36 of 36