[tick]
Electronic pulses
Fly through hands,
and internal gears moan
With a rusted-scrape.
Magic man, with your
Meticulous cancer
Eating through the clockwork
In your fingers;
Pointing to the only star that’s left behind.
Swallow.
Sing.
Malinger;
Reinforce the constant flicker in your
Head.
January’s eating dust
And the winter’s finally setting in.
The strings attach to bones,
Attach to hands,
Attach to holes.
The dust gathers,
The rust gorges;
Tetanus waits like a
Beast for the water
To recede;
Finally, the numbers
Held significance,
As seen through the eyes of a
man.
[tock]
Author notes
A capital "m" man.
--
Prompt:
the internal mechanisms of the human body
(a clockwork man, if you will)
I did the clockwork man, moreso than the inner workings.
Flatline
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 3 [Top 14] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 2, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is amazing.
Congrats on the bronze in Teen Idle. 
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leaves me 'singing in the rain'... a hundred points to you if you get my meaning...
this rocks... and you're a ticking talent!
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Phrasing was stunning - I think your spacing could have been a little more cuddly with each other but all together, a strong piece.
Much luck,
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Your descriptions always amaze me. You have a way of writing that allowed the reader to not only see what you're talking about, but feel it too.
Given the prompt I think you certainly put your individual spin on it.
I was confused though by the capitalisation, you have capitalised the first word of every line except for the line "and internal gears moan" and "man", if this was deliberate I don't think it's meaning was fully explained.
Thank you, good luck. -
9.5
Cool prompt, and excellent response.
I loved the metaphors. They were consistent and well developed. I liked the 'moment' theme this had with the tick-tock. Very original.
I don't really have any legitimate criticism.
Well done.
9.5
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Many thanks.
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Wow, loved the format, very original ... there's such a depth of emotion and meaning here, some of the phrases are spectacular! Awesome work!
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I LIKE it! awesomeness, it's a great write.
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"The strings attach to bones,
Attach to hands,
Attach to holes."
Oh god yummmmm.
Definitely wonderful m'dear.
Very very much so.
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Do you see that as sexual?
Cause I do now, and I'm not sure if it was meant to be. XD
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