I wanted to write,
fell asleep by my pad . . .
Words become lemon drops
falling from the sky, they
land on my tongue,
acrid and sizzling ;
disappear into my skin,
before I can catch
their names. The clouds
glinted with sunlight
and swung like bells on tethers,
pregnant bellies above
me. I could feel the sharp
shrieks of children
slash like swords
through
the melting rain.
I knew, in my somnolence,
I was supposed to hold on
to something,
come away with my wonder braided
with delicious threads of wisdom.
The phone rang.
I got up to answer.
It was a telemarketer
trying to sell me something
after stealing my dreams.
5:51 PM
1/27/08
Massanutten, VA
Author notes
POM poem of the month Theme: dream of a poet
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended February 3, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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Oh my! I couldn't help but read Arkbears comment... All in all the score seemed pretty good to me? I would dare to say I would fear his scrutiny of "my" work since mastery is not in my vocab. yet? That being said none of are completely flawless as you have said, and I thought your poem was brilliant, with only a minor difference of opinion standing in your way to perfection... For I happen to share your sentiments on dream thiefs...
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He thinks, just cause I use humor, it isn't full blown heavy fare. You need to give yourself more credit about how well you use words and language. Honest.
I delighted in being able to catch the dream and transfer it poetically to the page.
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Hi Tomis ~
You always amaze me at your ability to bring freshness to spilled ink.....but this time, I am going to be a tad bit more critical on this write ~
You and I have two very strong personalities, and it is possible for us to clash at any given moment......but......with that said, I have to Judge this as I see it ~
:)
I think your metaphores actually worked against you in this write ~
I felt a power-play between each stanza....searching for the spotlight with each line penned ~
I have grown to adore your talents, and you know this to be true.....but you need to know when your Judge is being honest ~
....and I just hapent to be your Judge at the moment :)
I loved your entrance into your thoughts.....very original ~
I enjoyed your Theme......very original as well......yet, with your talents, you have given me only a minute look into Impact, & Power ~
Imagery and Focus abounds......and I know you write to fulfill your souls desire to write, and not for Trophys.........but this is in the POM contest, and I would think you have a weeee bit of interest in winning Gold as well as any other Poet :)
So, with that said my brother.......I believe you have not given your best at this time, and I shall score it as so ~
Let's see how it does in the areas I look at, shall we?
May God bless you and your incredible talents,
Bear ~
Title 7.8
Flow 9.35
Depth 8.9
Theme 9.7
Feelings 7.95
Grammar 10
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 9.5
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.95
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 92.15
Not bad!
:)
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I agree about the title, but it was the first night of my vacation. It is not the deepest poem, but at times I think the world is served better by a little lightness than so much weight to make the bones break. Feelings, hmm we could debate that point forever. In the end I would hope it left you with a glimmer of a smile and a feeling about how dreams are stolen more oft than not.
I like to win all awards for my ego is as large as anyones. I certainly didn't enter this poem in your contest to insult you and I hope that is not how you take it.
Love, Tom B.
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A great piece, you need to put POM and theme in your notes tho' (as per the rules) before the judges come Good luck in the contest with it
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Thanks for the help appreciate it.
Love, Tom B.
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Realised i never commented on this-just stuck it straight in my favorites-i dont need to say it...you know what youve done....
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Very stong compliment. I am honored. Thank you. I like to write something light and delightful now and then.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Thanks for this lighthearted piece, which made me think of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
Those dratted telemarketers!
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That entered my mind after I wrote it.
I agree. Life has a way of interrupting and stealing dreams.
Love, Tom B.
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Hi I like this especially disappear into my skin,
before I can catch
their names. - nice work - good luck
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Glad that even amongst these sparse and simple words there was a richness for you to find.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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This seemed Odd to me at first, but it cleared itself near the end, then the phone rang, Great structure.
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How clear dreams are to the dreamer and silly to the listener. Glad you could enjoy.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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And RRRIIInNNNGGggggg. Reality Strikes.
But does it, The fact is vacations do that, ease you into the belief that now--- time is yours, everything you want to do, think and be is possible, but its only Your Vacation- the rest of the grinding world is still at work... grinding through the day...and into the night.
Well wrought.
Alan.
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Nicely caught, the way the telemarketer becomes reality in the midst of the escape called vacation. There are many dreams available I just chose the one between sleep and wakefulness
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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This is simply a WOW!
I tried to find a favorite line...too many
...but..."come away with my wonder braided
with delicious threads of wisdom." is one of the best!
(IMHO)......kind of choppy in places..only because of the form...but I read it over and over....Great penning!
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on!!!!
*PEACE*
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Thanks. It is a gift when a reader shares the joy they received from a poem. I have been largely gifted by your comments.
Peace & Light
Tom B.
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This is overflowing with lush, vivid imagery, and the way you separate your lines creates an almost kinetic motion.
It reads beautifully, and everything you depict in your dreamscape seems to be alive with poetic energy. Then you crash the reader back down to reality. I like how you did this, but it may be a little too abrupt, I don't know.
Oh yeah, and I think it should be one word-- "telemarketer".
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The dreamscape is its own universe, this is both an expression of that and how our universe for all of its technology crashes crudely against it. Ever notice how intrusive a cell phone is. Telemarketer, I have found two different spellings and I agree that in the end it will be just one word. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It is a gift to do so.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Excellent
What a way to have to wake up....... a telemarketer.
"Words become lemon drops"........Sweet to the listening ear.
Hugs BonBon
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Often we leave our dreams to the sound of an alarm or by coming to the surface and simply forgetting the stories and visions we strolled through. This time I was woken abruptly enough to remember at least a small part of the madness that filled my heart with wonder. Glad you could enjoy.
Love, Tom B.
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Me Smiling
Aww and right in the middle of one of those fantasia type dreams, raining pregnant women and childrens peals~lol. I like you taking me on the edge of places in the way that I've never visited there...what I like about your art.
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If I understand aright, you like my sweet goodnights. I rarely speak of my dreams 'cause I rarely remember more than a rag tag edge that haunts perhaps my morning wakefulness before tumbling back into forever. I enjoy the way you see the world so its nice you can celebrate the differences in mine as well.
Love, Tom B.
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Great wording! Vivid images that are easy to see and relate to....and so true. Those words we get at night, when we are half awake, just seem to slip away before we can write them down. And I hate those telemarketers who then wake you right up after the words have vanished.
Great write.
good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for catching my simple little tale and finding it is something you could relate to. I know, when I am activily dreaming and aware of the beauty I am creating, how vulnerable I am to every sound and impression around me. It would be truly nice to be more available for the madness of dreams in a waking state.
Love, Tom B. -
We determine the reality and the truth but so often our discoveries are interrupted by someone elses sense of importance. Glad you found so much to relate to. It is nice to know I am not alone.
Love, Tom B.
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I can relate
To this very closely. I love your imagery especially the lemon drops. A very enjoyable read - thanks and good luck
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Thanks for finding this so relatable (is that a word?). I find poems like this catch me by surprise. Sometimes life shows us aspects about the way we live that I would never think about otherwise.
Love, Tom B.
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Hehe, I can relate to this one. There is some startling imagery within these lines, especially the second stanza, not sure what "somnolence" means though, i'll have to look that one up,
well done and good luck to you,
Floorboards. -
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Glad you enjoyed my dream in the state of half awake and just asleep enough that I couldn't do more than be conscious I was dreaming. I was fortunate to be able to share this much. Too often my dreams flee leaving me berift of words and only the memory of an ache that was for a moment answered.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Sometimes our dreams are not for sharing, they are the webs of lace that close tired eyes and let them tarry for a sweet moment outside reality. Perhaps these ones are what you should keep. The phone ringing just gave you reality back and a smile to remember those dreams for personal use only and not for the words you thought they would bring. Love, C
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all to often the world of dreams, when I am half asleep, slips away from me too quickly when I am roused and I am left with a partial thought and a maybe when I stop to think back. This was really in part a result of my wife asking what I dreamed about and this is what fell out of my mouth. So is it what I dreamed? I know not.
Love, Tom B.
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Well done. Sounds like Coleridge's experience with "the man from Porlock," who interrupted his writing of "Kublai Khan." After the vicar left, Coleridge found he could no longer remember the dream.
You capture the dreamer/poet and the fascination with words--the substantiality and their evanescence. Each stanza is a delight, each unfolding something new to add to the whole. Even the telemarketer.
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This really did sort of happen this way. I was trying to find silence so I could write on our first night away. I fell into that half awake stupor so full of dreams that we know we should memorize in our consciencenous but are not quite awake enough to do. I am sure there were noises outside of other people emptying their cars outside my window that got incorporated into my madness and then the phone rang and somewhere I realized it was not part of my sleep but my reality and got up and answered. I was left with only the little bit I shared as if my pockets had holes in them and the rest slipped out beyond my grasp.
Thanks for taking the time to share your pleasure with my simple efforts.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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lol...telemarketers...the bastards! I hope you are having a good time on your vacation...obviously, it is inspiring some very heady poetry Love, Lane
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You know, mayhaps, the dreams of the half asleep. The nuances and intricacies of brilliance that slip through the fingers like silver fishes as we raise our nets to wakefulness.
Love, Tom B.
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Writers block! How often do we sit and type words that don't mean what we want them to mean? That is why I had to take a break from the site, as my attempts were all drivel You certainly used marvelous metaphors to get across how robbed you felt. Tele marketers should get a REAL job in sales!
ZZZZZZZZZ
Shana
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I promised myself to write. Honestly, I did. So I sat ready and waiting in meditation that turned to half sleep until the phone rang.
I often read my favorite poets for inspiration and stare out at landscapes that touch me beneath the thoughts.
Love, Tom B.
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