Susie lives on my street
Susie is barely three
Sometimes with her brother
Susise plays out with me
Susie is usually quiet
But sometimes she cries
Last night we were playing
And mummy, to my suprise
Susie had two black eyes
"Gareth" I asked her brother
What happend to Susies face?
Susie looks up at me
Her lips began to act
"NOTHING!" Gareth shouted
Bridge of his nose looked cracked
And mummy I remember
When I went to their house
Their daddy yelled at them
For just making a sound!
Susie clung to my leg
Gareth looked so scared
Susie began to cry
And I find it really weird
When it was bed time
I heard Susie shout
"NO!" her little voice shaked
Then things got loud
Susies daddy made noises
Noises I don't know
Returned Susie to her crib
Then he spanked her hard
I wanted to say, mummy
But Gareth said not to tell
Author notes
Neon.
Option 1.
A contest entry
- Abuse by InMyFlames.
1500 points, ended February 12, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever-You-Want by XxESPNCHICKxX.
600 points, ended February 17, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Heart wrenchingly painful write, keep up the beautiful work. some parts confused me a little but that was just me. I still loved this. I wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece.
*~*bee*~* -
This is a horrible thing to go through, and it's sad that people and children do everyday anyway. It was heartfelt, but there was no originality at all. The name Susie is pretty cliche in abuse writes, and you could've put more detail/poetic devices into it.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
very sad story
heartbreaking
and unfortunitly it happens more than it ever shouldve
Dead Star--x -
Hello there and thanks for entering your poem was very good and very well written best of luck to you and thanks again for entering..
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good job and this is sad thank you for entering good luck
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Wow this nearly brought made me cry! Its very powerful great! Bravo!
Goodluck!!
~dawn&hearts -
This is a heartwrenching poem that brings tears to my eyes and heart goodluck to you in the contest with this piece much luck
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whoa this is so deep, my lord i do not know what to say
"I wanted to say, mummy
But Gareth said not to tell" these lines really finish it, i sometimes like to leave the reader hanging but in this case its brilliant well done and thanks for your entry -
Oh my gosh! This is so moving! Its a wonderful, sad, tale of two abused children
great job, keep it up!
thanks for entering.
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