Life, once,
was sharing secrets in tree-houses
on warm, summer nights
as a golden sun set over a perfect world.
Life, once,
was Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher,
the flush of spring on their cheeks,
walking in the sunlight
along the banks of the Mississippi.
Life, once,
was filled with friends
who looked right at me
with clear eyes, hiding nothing.
Friends whose hopes were my hopes,
whose enemies were my enemies,
whose dreams intermingled with my own.
But, now, I am too full,
too full of the world.
I have seen too much.
The minds of those that, once,
I believed to be noble, incorruptible,
defiled by greed and vanity.
Spirits as wide and open as the dawn
mutilated by disappointment.
Poets of the finest natures
who could reach into hidden paradises
and pluck out rare blossoms
twisted by fear and desperation.
I am too full.
I have absorbed this world,
so bloated with pain and pretense.
It is in my pores too deep to wash away.
I can no longer recall
what it was to be clean, hopeful.
I have been polluted, inside and out.
I have seen too much.
I have breathed in, too long, this air
so thick with despair.
You were right, Robert,
though I didn't believe it,
couldn't believe it
from my lofty, teenage perch
twenty long years ago.
But you were right,
"Nothing gold can stay."
They say time heals all wounds.
Some it has but mostly
it has made my spirit lonely,
crying out for friends it once knew
before time took them away.
Friends whose word was everything;
friends who came running when trouble started;
friends who judged me for who I was,
not what I had accomplished.
But they are all gone now,
lost in the parade.
I forgive them
for I know what life demands of us.
I’ve changed, too.
But logic comforts only the cold intellect
and makes no less the longing,
no less the sorrow.
Do you remember me?
I remember you.
We were blood brothers once.
We pricked our thumbs, pressed them together,
and said we were bound for all time
but I don't know where you are today.
Susan, my childhood love,
we drew a chalk rainbow on the sidewalk
and made promises, simple but deeply felt,
promises we knew we would keep
no matter how old we became.
Are the promises of childhood
still floating in the high air
above the sidewalk,
waiting to be fulfilled?
Or were they washed away
by time and the elements
along with the chalk rainbow?
Friend.
None I have today fit the definition I had back then.
And I miss them.
I miss them
and I wish they could come back
though I know it is impossible.
Slugs have consumed the gardens of their spirits
and I wouldn't recognize them anymore.
Perhaps they wouldn't recognize me, either.
A little more is forgotten each day
like the remnants of childhood
sold off at garage sales
or passed along to other children
who can put them to better use.
It’s true - we must put away childish things
or this world will swallow us whole.
But I can still remember
when I was young,
how the sun, streaming
through the edges of my curtain
made me want to run out into it,
to my friends,
to new adventures.
I remember how easy it was to shake off sleep
with them calling outside.
I want to feel the sunshine
pull me out into the world again
the way it used to.
Through my window and out into the world.
The world I once believed it to be.
Author notes
This poem is part ode to and part lament for the loss of the innocently powerful friendships of my childhood. Like most poets, I'm pretty attached to the years before I realized what a dungheap of despair the world can sometimes be. I'm still trying to strike a happy balance between the changes required in adulthood and the peace and frivolity that came so naturally as a child. I don't think I'm alone in this tendency to look back. Maybe Jesus was doing it himself when he said to enter the kingdom of heaven, we must become like little children again.
This poem was also inspired somewhat by one of my favorite films, Stand By Me, particularly the last line (Paraphrased) . . .
"I never had the kind of friends as an adult that I did when I was ten. Jesus, does anyone?"
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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I really enjoyed this poem..as I was reading, memories of childhood friends would pop up ..taking me on a journey which mostly recalled, all the trouble I used to get into.
Curtains, sunshine, adventure..!!
A wealth of memories, considering how short childhood years are.
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Thanks, Mike. I hope your health continues to improve. Summer is supposed to be over here in California but it doesn't feel like it. It was hot as hell yesterday. lol I'm ready for the fall. I love the sun but it doesn't love me. I'm Irish so I should be skipping through a misty glen, not getting myself baked in a desert. What the heck am I doing here? haha
Nice to hear from you. I'm glad to hear your "life is great and the kids are smiling". A happy poet! Imagine that! lol
Take care and watch out for the cyclones.
Mark
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smiles..
this is my 1st time on for awhile, few health battles but still kicking :-)
life is great and the kids are smiling, and, the summer has come early here in queensland, i think we are for some cyclones this year. damn hot already...
this poem of yours is so powerful :-).. thanks for the reply -
Hey Mike,
I just re-read the poem you sent me on this and wanted to say thanks again, if I didn't before. I appreciate it. I hope you're doing well these days.
Mark
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WOW this is a very strong piece of work here so forelorn and well written so many images stand out in this one but the part that strikes me most
I am too full.
I have absorbed this world,
so bloated with pain and pretense.
It is in my pores too deep to wash away.
I can no longer recall
what it was to be clean, hopeful.
I have been polluted, inside and out.
I have seen too much.
I have breathed in, too long, this air
so thick with despair.
This is a great write my friend
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Hi, Josh
This is one of the poems I really opened a vein for, so to know it affected you so much means a lot to me. Thanks for letting me know.
Mark
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But, now, I am too full,
too full of the world.
I have seen too much
This was an amazing poem, I loved it, You did such an awesome job. I loved it, This poem brought back some deep emotion of my past, I forgot what innocence was. I loved this poem, and I'm deeply left in awe after reading this beautiful write. This piece kind of hit my heart. I absolutly loved it.
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Mindy,
I was just re-reading your comment on this one and must say it is a poem in itself. In fact, I think I'll lay it out thusly -
It takes me to a world of innocence;
to a place I long to be once more.
A place I wish someone would run away to with me.
Take me from the painstaking responsibilities of life.
Let me run half naked through the sand,
let me splash the water all over,
let me jump on the bed naked,
and let me lie in the arms of a lover all morning.
I want to be the one eating breakfast
and blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk to stir it up.
Where the ocean meets the horizon
and the sun lingers in the sky.
Where there are no lights
so every star is visible in the night
and the warm showers come every now and again.
Beautiful words. Thanks for letting me know this is your favorite poem. It's a great honor to decorate your bedroom door. I hope you're doing well.
Mark
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This one really got to me almost as much as Journey to God did.....As I read this so many memories flashed through my head. As I type to you now I am doing so through misty eyes. I have been crying for a few minutes. God I miss the days when I thought the world was perfect and happy without hurt. That went away some with my grandfather when I was four and then died completely when I was seven for reasons that I'm sure you know.
This poem just broke my heart because it made me remember what was said earlier....If I could go back.....So much would be different I would be happy again because I would go back to these days and make them last, make the most of them.....Back to the days of my best friend, I no longer have one really....Just people I hang with. I guess Paul could be a best friend but other than him and my friends on this computer because of some weird social thingy I have....I don't talk to very many people in the real world because I have a trust issue.....Well I'm gonna go and quit rambling before I write a book....or whatever you wanna call it. -
I had to come back and read this one again. And you know what? I actually have this printed out and taped up to my bedroom door. It's probably my favorite poem I've ever read on this site. It takes me to a world of innocence - to a place I long to be once more. A place I wish someone would run away to with me. Take me from the painstaking responsibilities of life. Let me run half naked through the sand, let me splash the water all over - let me jump on the bed naked, and let me lie in the arms of a lover all morning. I want to be the one eating breakfast and blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk to stir it up. *sighs*
Where the ocean meets the horizion, and the sun lingers in the sky. Where there are no lights, so every star is visible in the night, and the warm showers come every now and again.
& 
Mindy
Edited on Nov 24, 6:12 because ''.
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moving
smiles . .a very potent discourse . . stephen king would be proud of it . . 
yes . . many things you say are as i have written in difrferent ways . . . .i now count people i trust to BE my friend on one hand . .but never expect anymore than their friendship . .reliance is another matter
brought lots of thoughts to the surface
excellent write
The paths of life
To see our lives
Looking back
You realise now
Were we so slack?
What more could done
To be ourselves
Who can be sure
As life we delve
So many things
That we put
High on shelves
And then forsook
Or childhood dreams
So full of hope
Now down our roads
Gone up in smoke
But smoke can screen
The paths of life
That leads all ways
For sight we fight
So blink away
The veil that’s drawn
New dreams new hope
Each day that dawns.
* * * *
mddurham -
ireally like this a lot it mentions a lot of things i can relate to an also two of my favorite books i love the adventures of tom sawyer and i cried when ponyboy reads johnys letter and he tells poneyboy to stay gold and the thing about darry never seeing a sunset and then it was too late i cried,GREAT JOB
LOVE JOY -
Hey Michael,
I'm goofing off at work here, rifling through some old comments and I came across this lovely one by you. I agree - that is the ultimate compliment for a writer - "You've got a knapsack full of living, boy." We're both very lucky to have found our calling from an early age. Some never do.
I also know what you mean about telling yourself to remember your experiences as you're having them so they can be related later. I've heard it said that "a writer is one on whom nothing is wasted." You know you have it really bad when you get hit by a truck and you're lying in the ambulance thinking, "This is gonna make a great story!" haha
Thanks again. I hope you have been happy and well.
Mark -
Wow Mark... You have done it again. Reading this one brought tears to my eyes.
You made me remember the "golden" days, when I was in school.. seemed nothing else in the world mattered but your friends. Doing everything together, from playing outside in the mud, to having sleep overs, to going to some restaraunt like show biz pizza. (used to love that place, I don't think there are any more of those around)
I miss those days, when there weren't any worries.. when you could be yourself, and didn't have to PROOVE to anyone, who you were. They liked you for you. It didn't matter much what you did.
"I am too full.
I have absorbed this world,
so bloated with pain and pretense.
It is in my pores too deep to wash away.
I can no longer recall
what it was to be clean, hopeful.
I have been polluted, inside and out.
I have seen too much.
I have breathed in, too long, this air
so thick with despair.
You were right, Robert,
though I didn't believe it,
couldn't believe it
from my lofty, teenage perch
twenty long years ago.
But you were right,
"Nothing gold can stay." "
I loved those lines...so touching, so truthful.
I belive we've all become too full. Well... I know at
least I have. I think I would rather be like I was many years
ago, and not have a care in the world, or any burdens. But ugh... This is the life we live. Eh?
I really enjoyed reading this one, Mark. I thank you for taking me back into my childhood years, remembering all the good times, even the bad. I have not ONE friend that I can say...was anything like those I had back then. I miss mine too, wish I could get it all back...
~Aimee
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Wow....just wow. Touching, moving, beautiful, and so true. Very well phrased and very well put! I will defiantly be reading more of your works!
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Hey YesYouCan,
(Sorry. Don't know your real name.) I just wanted to say thanks again for this great comment. You nailed a bunch of things I used to do at the exact age I was referring to in this poem. I actually thought you were one of my childhood friends for a second come to visit!
There was a Dairy Queen right down my street (like everybody else's! haha), I used to go roller skating every Saturday night at "Skateland Northridge", movies, popcorn and coke, and backyard camping. I've thought about going to the skating rink again, which is still there, but I'm afraid it will have become something worse and mess up the memory.
You DEFINITELY caught the spirit of this poem. It's nice to meet a kindred soul.
Thanks!
Mark -
Hi Kel,
Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. I just read your profile page, too. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said here and on your page and look forward to sitting down with your work soon. (I'm playing hookey at work right now.
Glad you liked the Huxley quote. I especially agree with you about the important of being true to yourself, even if it means being "different" by society's standards. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that to be ourselves in a world which is constantly struggling to make us everybody else is the noblest and most difficult battle we can fight. The call to security and conformity can be so loud and insistent.
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom.
Peace,
Mark -
Hi Mendee,
Sounds like we're on the same page with this one. I know what you mean about "pulling yourself back" into youth. I can do that, too - catch little snippets of feelings. Movies I loved as a child help, too. For instance, I mentioned Tom Sawyer in this poem because that movie (the one with Johnny Whitaker) came out when I was a kid and I spent years doing my best to BE Tom Sawyer. They had a showing of that movie here a few weeks ago and I got to talk with JW. He was very cool.
As far as recapturing youth, as the saying goes, "It's never too late to have a second childhood." lol Life is a circle in many ways and I think innocence to innocence is one of them, which is why so many old people scold children for doing exactly the same things they did. I guess it's all part of the human comedy.
Thanks for your kind comments. Take care,
Mark
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Hi Brida,
Maybe you should try to arrange a reunion with your friends. Announce it a year ahead of time so they have plenty of time to prepare. You never know - you might still find a bit of the child left in them. This poem was written out of sadness over the loss of a few close friends who gradually became people I no longer recognized, one in particular, but I am aware that change doesn't always have to be bad. Some people actually IMPROVE as they get older. lol Hopefully, that's the case with your friends.
Let me know how the reunion goes, if you decide to try it. I'd love to hear about it!
Peace,
Mark -
Hi Soosoo,
To hear that you "sank deep" into my poem is the ultimate compliment. That it "made your day" was just icing on the cake. Thanks for letting me know.
Mark -
I've sat alone often, thinking of these very things you wrote of here, wishing i was 5 again..my bitter awakening came a bit early in life..i'll never forget it..but i'll spare the details now..lol
My Mammaw once told me I was an old soul,seeming to find the pain in life too early, knowing things of life's teachings too young..sometimes just knowing with no reason to know..if that makes sense
I've thought often of the childhood lost so young...the innocence gone before it's time..and yet, I understand that each person has a time & season to learn, a preordained path to walk, choices known before we, ourselves, make them...and the cruel awakening comes early for some, for some it never comes...
Still, I carry that inner child, to have lost her would be losing a part of me that can't find the good in anything at all..and i refuse to do that
You've written one very thought provoking write..one which carried me way back in time thank you for that..at least i had that carefree nature once..and i can remember what it was like
You express yourself beautifully..it's a pleasure reading your work..
much love & peace
~Pamela -
Ah, the age of innocence and the time when life was simple, friendships were golden and dreams were bound to come true....for many of us the best times of our lives. I don't need to go into how excellent the poem is....I'm sure you know as do all that read it. I'd rather comment on your style. I think I've always wanted to be a writer. I can remember in my childhood, thinking "Remember this feeling. Remember how important this is to you.", whether thinking of next week's little league game or 6th grade love. I memorized those feelings and can bring them back as clearly as if they happened yesterday. Obviously you can do the same. You write with such clarity and feeling you can make the readers remember THEIR feelings down to the smallest details, as evidenced by the responses to this piece of writing. That is the mark of a true writer. I think the greatest compliment I ever received was by a fellow who said "You got a knapsack full of living, boy." I pass that on to you. You have that same knapsack and the way you can reach into it and pull out the memories is worthy of applause. You certainly have mine...
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Wow, quite the poem you have here.
Everything you say, I saw too.
It didn't really feel like a poem at all though, more like a story.
Keep writing, and keep trying to find that balance.
Love,
Jewel -
I do have some real friendships now and I did back when I was growing up.. I feel the friends I have now are a lot different than my childhood ones. Don't get me wrong there are some childhood friends that I still keep in touch with but we are different. So I guess I do understand where you are coming from.
Yvonne
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Magnificent. This poem voiced thoughts and feelings I had forgotten that I possessed. I can totally relate to that feeling of being 'too full' of this life, of feeling fed up because you've seen it all too soon. I'm still going through the phase where I lose most of my childhood friends, and I must admit that I hate it. Anyway, thanks for sharing and keep it up =)
xxx -
Mark, this is stunning. And that is that!!!
Monk -
EXCELLENT
Hi HappyWanderer. Do you want to come out and play? Let's go skating tonight and skate until midnight. Let's camp out in the backyard in a tent.... Let's ride bikes to the Dairy Queen for a Sundae and go to the movies and have popcorn and a coke. Well, I better go...I'll see you again later on AllPoetry...
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I can absolutely relate here. Your poetic prose took me on a journey back in time, to a time so similar to what you experienced and I felt the same longing. In my adult life, I've managed to keep my whimsical ways that often make others laugh, because they seem childish, but that's who I am, and I'm determined to keep a part of the child I am inside the adult that I've become. I've had no contact with those friends from so long ago and often wonder about them. In choosing to keep the child part of me and allow it to mesh with the adult part of me, I've managed to retain some of the same strong convictions and my own children loved having a mom who enjoyed playing and running, dancing and singing and so much more, with them. So, that has served a purpose. It's all I've got. And, I know I'm "different" as others have stated outloud, but that's fine by me. I'd rather be different than conform to the world as it has become and the child in me helps me stay balanced so I'm not so consumed by this world. It's hard, I know. Even so, I still can't run out into the sunshine feeling like nothing can stop me, or my friends. It's only me now. My adult friends are different. I do know what you're saying here, and I'm glad you have brought this out into the open, as it's something I'm sure many of us think about a lot! I know I do. Wishing, wanting, needing, but only having myself to rely on so I don't become a product of "middle-age habit and convention." Stay young, youthful. Believe it. Pure enjoyment your write brought me, even though it took me back. The memories, at least, share that sunshine that I used to want to run beneath, grow warm, and spend the day exploring and daring, but always caring--always! My best to you! You really opened a vein in me here. Wow! I'm impressed. And, thank you for the quote. I'm sure it will serve me well too. Now, I must commit it to memory. --The first paragraph of the first chapter of Brave New World by Aldous Huxley . . . --Love, light and peace!--Kel
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wow this was truly a great write! so sad and sweet!
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This feeling I know very well! Almost 16 years ago I moved to Belgium. I had here a childhood friend but, she went back to Brazil few years ago. All my best friends, friends from long time ago, they are all there. Time and distance changed the relationship between we all. Each of us has a different life, differnt locations. I miss that time, I miss the sharing and the innocence from then.
Wonderful write! Brought back memories! Good memories!
Thanks!
Mari
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I sank deep into this poem. it's just so good I got so engrossed reading it. it makes me delve. "Too full"..loved the concept of it and how superficial life is without friends. NOW THIS made my day. loved it.
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You know Mark~ You never cease to amaze me. Time and time again. But this was so great. I read it over and over again mostly because I am having problems concentrating. This time thought I read it while holding my five year old on my lap while huggin him. I love this and while I read it I thought that I hope my little one never has to 'outgrow' his friends so to speak.
This reminds me of something I must share with you. A couple weeks ago my son was having a tough time saying goodbye to a friend from his kindergarten class the little boy and another little boy and my little boy held each other and just cried and cried openly. They didn't want to lose each other. Of course they did and now they have learned how to say good bye already and I hate that. It made me wonder when men stopped crying at a loss and had to start acting cool. Okay I've taken lots of grief for that statement but that's what I thought.
Anyway, just what you needed was a crazy woman's ramblings tonight huh? LoL Great piece Mark~ You caused me to pause, step out of my hurt and feel something else. Thank you.
~*Destiny*~
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This is beautiful! It made me remember so many parts of childhood I'd forgotten. Thank you for writing such a wonderful treasure.
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This is such an openly honest write. It leaves me speechless, but at the same time I want to write a book in response. It touches so many parts of who I am, and I'm sure many others. I've now gotten to the point in life that I'm beginning to do away with those things of the world that we so often let consume us. I believe those promises are out there waiting, and the sunshine still calls to all of us, we just have to listen for it with the ears of a child. Huxley was a smart man...
Your poem is powerful, heartfelt, and one that I won't forget.
Gypsy
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I can't tell you how this poem affected me....it would take too long....this is one of the most amazing pieces I have ever read....it actually reached inside me and touched my soul i think!!.....there is little i can add to what has already been said...i agree with every word....since i joined this site i have had you on my favourites list because i enjoy all your work so much...it always always impresses...captures...and delights me...but you really have surpassed yourself with this one....take a bow sir!!..and an encore..a round of applause from me....hugs ...leanne xxx
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Its hard to even speak of all the feelings this piece conjures up within me. I must tell you I haven't read anything that took me blazing back to my youth like this - and to read your words talking about what was and what is and what you wish for, it is mesmerizing. When I came to the end, I realized that I had been holding my breath a little, probalby because I was absolutely captured by your words. This is such a wonderfully written piece, you have created a true masterpiece. Thank you for sharing such vivid recollections and inspiring and insightful feelings.
~ becky
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Dear God, I almost don't know what to say....you just opened up your soul and let everything spill out with this one and it had a profound impact on me. Innocence lost to the ways of the world is a sad thing, childhood left behind is sadder still. I feel what you wrote, you pulled memories from my own childhood out of hiding and it almost makes me cry. What got to me most was the despair you feel at having experienced so much of the loss and heartache and negetivity of the world....there I can so relate, my life has been a harsh dose of reality, it hit hard and it hit deep and it left some scars. I am wounded, but there is still a little part of me that will ALWAYS believe in "happily ever after." In the midst of utter despair, sometimes that is the only thing I have to hold on to....and I do hold on, even when I almost can't even imagine it. I miss my childhood friends horribly, but I also do have some extremely dear friends now who are the world to me....you are one of those friends. I do know this....some things DO last forever, I have to believe that is true. The sunshine WILL come.... WONDERFUL picture, I absolutely love it and am SO glad you shared it. Peace and blessings, hugs and much love~~~ Janet
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This has to be the best poem I have ever read on this site. You have a true talent with words - every thing I read, I saw. Everything I've thought, felt in the past few years you managed to spill out into this one poem. When people say ignorance is bliss, they really aren't kidding. If I could only recapture those days when I was young..and everyone was innocent - I didn't see the despair in their eyes, I didn't realize our world was going to hell. Sometimes at night though, when the sky is clear and the moon full I can pull myself back into my ignorant youth - where everything was perfect. All I can say is wow..I'm in awe of this poem. =)
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