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Fall Approaches (Yama)

Leaves are starting to change
Smell of Fall's, in the air,
People are burning wood
Cool wind, blows through your hair.

Fall's settling early
It comes as no surprise,
Summer wasn't the best
Wiping rain from your eyes.

Some days were so foggy
You couldn't see your hand,
Other days were so dry
Rain, always a demand.

Summer's almost over
Cool wind, blows through your hair,
Leaves are starting to change
Smell of Fall's, in the air.

Copyright Cynthia Jones
Aug.23/2007

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • captain howdy
    February 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Yama" is such an interesting word. That being said, I love the softness of this write and it paints a lovely picture of one of my favorite seasons.


  • Arkbear gold member
    February 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Cynthia ~

    Let me begin by saying....nice entry ~

     

    Let me follow that statement by saying......I am always an honest Judge who takes the PO' contests very seriously.......and I look at each entry with the highest of regards to what every Poet has given to us to read, review, critique and score ~

     

    So....with that said....I shall not hold back my honest opinion ~

     

    ....just remember, I think this is a good write :)

     

    OK....your Theme is most common ~

     

    Your Tone is too soft, and lacking in the Power department ~

     

    The Imagery is very nice, but again, originality is going to be hit hard on my scoreboard ~

     

    I appreciate a Poet who can take my comments with a grain of salt and not get upset, as this is the way I Judge, and I can not change according to what a Poet whats to hear ~

     

    I want to see your talents return to the PO' contests, so I always try to be as nice as possible, but as honest as possible in regards to what we look for ~

     

    In any other contest, this would fair well......but in the PO' contests, we are looking for IMPACT, POWER, and Creative Themes which will make us want to read your entry over & over and think...WOW!!!!

     

    This is not a Wowzer entry, but it is a very Pretty entry ~

    :)

     

    Please continue to enter the PO' contests even though I sound like a harsh Judge.......because we want you to open your imagination to its' broadest spectrum of foresight ~

     

    Let's see how it scores nonetheless,

     

    ....good luck to you, and may God bless you and your talents,

     

    Bear ~

    Title   7.8

    Flow   9.75

    Depth   9.1

    Theme   7.0

    Feelings   6.95

    Grammar   8.5

    Presentation 10

    Uncommonness  7.0

    Sit & Ponder Affect  7.5

    Ability to follow Rules  10

    Bears Score: 83.6

    Your score is not low because of defects....as I said, this is a very prettty write.....it is low because of certain things we look for in the PO' contests....I just want you know this important factor which affects a Poets score tremendously ~

    Please try again in the POW contest!

    :)


  • queen gold member
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i always look forward to fall, things slow down a bit and i can relax Lovely poem


  • LadyDementia gold member
    January 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A nice piece, great theme. Good luck in the contest with it

  • Judith Chandler
    January 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Not sure about your punctuation in places.


  • ckwriter69
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written with excellent visual images of the fall approaching. Good rhyming and nice flow. Thanks for sharing this write and good luck in the contest.


  • DrunkenRam
    January 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The last Stanza is the best, I like the whole piece though.
    good Luck in the PO contest.


  • aboomer silver member
    January 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Such lovely wording and great images. Very nicely done!
    Best wishes in the contest.


  • Purplemoondoll
    January 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great flow

    lovely imagery - you 'took me there'. Excellent - good luck in the contest!


  • Floorboards
    January 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oops.


  • Floorboards
    January 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    Lovely little poem, love the soft imagery,
    nice work. Well done and good luck to you,
    regards,
    Floorboards.

1 - 11 of 11