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Stay Thee Well Away!

The truth is hidden within the tears,
As her eyes turn away from thee,
When her ears become deaf to thee,
For others words to feed her fantasy.

Thy wishes to linger within her beauty,
And her ecstasy to beguile thee,

And taunted ye are to bite,
As the crocodile tears deceive.

Feed not upon her,
Hunger thine heart, within calmer waters,
For her need of thee not at all!
Be naught deceived when her ask to call!

She cleaves thy primal to her control,
Yet lies to thine own heart,
Until thine heart be nare then whole,

 

Tread these waters not!

If she asks ye to stay?

Run man!
Run!
For dear life!

And stay thee well away!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Sonja
    February 19, 2008

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    This site still hide some poets of me and I am nicely surprised to read something like this poem. Nice use of old poetry stile. Well deserved gold. Congratulations!
    ~Sonja~


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    February 19, 2008

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    Good Morning (for me anyway) Congratulations on your beautiful gold. So deserving. I loved this from beginning to end. Well done. ~Pamela


  • Lyndon gold member
    February 19, 2008

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    Congratulations on Gold, Keith.
    I canna sae, "n nane o yur daft wee crude poems wae no even a whispur o violets bein blue ... ken whit!"
    Jolly good show. Lovely writing.


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    February 19, 2008

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    a masterpiece

    Your writing leaves me with a chilly feeling. If I were there, I would be running as you say! Well Away.

    This poem is a master piece. Firstly I like the theme which is a little dark but flowered with beautiful words and expression. It is a friendly warning. ‘Hunger thine heart within calmer waters,’ are a unique line and I particularly like it. The comma was the only part I was unsure about, but we can discus that later. I do not want to spoil a masterpiece.

    There is emotion plus with technicalities intact.

    I like the reference to the ‘crocodile tears’ from the prompt of the contest and I like the unusual rhyme pattern, especially the rhyme of the last verse.

    I needed to research the language and I am very impressed with this dialect. Now I understand the language, it has a beautiful sound. Read aloud, the poem is even more magnificent.

    Wonderful. I cannot praise it too highly and I am humbled that you have put such poetry in my contest. Thank you.



    Richard


    • Keith Drew gold member
      February 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Me heid dae spin te ne me thought be gold te thine!
      Thankie Laird.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oooof! Excellent. This contest had your name all over it. Well done my friend ~Pamela

1 - 12 of 12