Her copper-colored hair
hung down her back in waves.
Freckles lay like coarsely-ground pepper
across her face and arms. She was beautiful
and my father loved her with his whole heart.
Blond curls framed my baby face.
A chatterbox charmer. Daddy’s little girl.
That made her uneasy. Unloved by her own father,
she’d never learned it was okay
for daddies to love their little girls.
So he withdrew from me.
It didn’t make her feel better.
Jealousy is like that. It’s never enough.
Red drained from her hair and freckles faded.
She could not care for herself so I came.
Dad was dying but she only knew that I was there
and when I was there, so was jealousy.
Maybe if my hair had been red.
Maybe things would have been different.
Author notes
c e l t i c q u e e n
My mother was very jealous of me - always. I was the first child and Daddy's little girl. She hated that and as I grew, so did her jealousy. It really bloomed when I became a teen-ager. Those were awful years. But she never got better about it, even right before Dad died. Her jealousy consumed her and any love she might have felt for me.
In a list
A contest entry
- a story of yesterdays by Elora Danon.
1000 points, ended February 4, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - finding love by Hecate616.
350 points, ended March 17, 2008, 143 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Envy (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended January 27, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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This is really hard for me to imagine. How a mother can not love her daughter. I want my daughter to be the best. To be better than what I ever will be.
I am so sorry that you grew up without love. I suppose your mommy grew up without love too. You cannot give that which you do not have...
So sad to read this.
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Red drained from her hair and freckles faded.
She could not care for herself so I came.
these were my favor lines in the entire piece...i really felt like the ending could have been sharper...the poem was so strong up until then...it just felt rushed and a little scattered then...I can feel your pain...I just think you have more to say...I think this piece is going to be big for you...push yourself...you deserve it...peace and light, kp
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there is so much raw emotion spilled into this piece its a stunning, captivating piece of literature The story is heart breaking and it made me think. Now I have a lingering thought, a bit confused. So I read the other posts and I agree I wouldn't have guessed it was about a mother. My sister always thought that my father didn't love her because she was from a different marriage; this just reminded me of her now that our father is fading away with lingering cancer. Best part of poetry is the emotion and story told. Wish you the best and have fun writing more work. Bravo!
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This is positively stunning. I read through the other comments, and like a couple of them, I would never have guessed your mother; I might have guessed a stepmother or such. The last two lines were my favourite, along with the description of your hair and face. Truly heartbreaking.
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How sad and heartbreaking...I'm so sorry! Its terrible that her insecurities and need to be the center of his world were more important than you were. Thank you for sharing something so personal. This is a beautiful write on such a sad subject.
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Beautifully written. I would not have guessed that the woman in you poem was you own mother. That makes it to me even more emotional
Love D.L.
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This is brilliant and beautiful. It made me cry. Having been abandoned by my own father, I know the pain.
Thank you for entering. -
Wow, this is very vivid and powerful. I love the imagery and the ending has such an impact. I love it. And love how you wonder about that little detail, the red hair... that could have made you look like her so she wouldn't have been jealous and she would have been there for him. So touching, so beautiful. My only suggestion would be perhaps to leave out one of the maybes in the last couplet. I feel one would have been more powerful than two. Great work.
~Diana
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this is a really great write! it reminds me of my dad's relationship with my step mom- her need to be the center of attention obliterated any love my dad had for me or my brothers. it hurts, but with time i learned to pity her, b/c ultimately she is the one who will end up unhappy.
i loved the last stanza and the bit about the hair color. i once wrote something similar about a lost love, only i wrote about eye color instead. i think we sometimes try to oversimplify the complex reasons for why we do or dont recieve love. it is simlar to the way CS Lewis describes god's love for us- it is an impossible gift, so it has an impossible condition.
this is a grea poem, keep up the good work!
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wow. such a sad, powerful poem, throbbing with pain. bracingly honest, lays it out plainly, unsoftened, unornamented.
from the comments, i gather that this does indeed come out of personal experience, as i thought it did, and i am so sorry that you not only had to deal with the jealousy of your mother, but also the withdrawal of demonstrations and reassurances of the love of your father. i'm particularly impressed at your ability to write about this with such unflinching awareness and understanding for both your mother and your father, as well as a lot of restraint and amazing imagery.
"Freckles lay like coarsely-ground pepper
across her face and arms."
"A chatterbox charmer."
"Unloved by her own father,
she’d never learned it was okay
for daddies to love their little girls."
in the last two lines regresses from the mature, bracing acknowledgement and understanding of the situation as an adult back to the child trying to make sense of the senseless jealousy of her mother. and also signifying with the hair color a closer connection with her rather than your father. effective, as is the title, just an amazing piece and i applaud you for having the strength (and skill) to write it.
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This is a very powerful and emotional piece. The relationships between parents and children aren't always the best. I am sure that the mother loved the daughter, but fear of losing the love of the father overpowered her love for her child and turned into jealousy. It happens more often than people think. Thankfully, I never had to go through this personally, but I do know people who have gone through this feeling with their own children, and their parents... This piece is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this piece. I am sure it was not an easy write. Well done!
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I feel a real release as I read this - at last someone understands! Thanks so much for this x
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Aww.. so sad. I could feel the hurt of the child here. I really enjoyed the vivid imagery and felt I could "see" the woman and daughter. I think the title was an excellent choice for this piece. Great poem!
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The lines:
'So he withdrew from me.
It didn’t make her feel better.
Jealousy is like that. It’s never enough.' and
'Dad was dying but she only knew that I was there
and when I was there, so was jealousy.', I kept reading them over and over, I couldn't really stop reading them. Because it is so true. I love how you address this poem from a child's point of view so that a child's innocence comes out when this is read. The part where the feeling of a childs innocence, not knowing why her father is withdrawing from her, that part came through in
'Maybe if my hair had been red.
Maybe things would have been different.' Because it just seems like the little girl just wants to please and doesn't really understand why the lady with the red hair doesn't like her and is jealous of her.
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why the lady with the red hair
From this part of your comment, I think I should have made it clearer - and I wondered when I wrote it if I should - the lady with the red hair was my mother. And as I grew to a teen-ager, it became worse than "doesn't like her". Jealousy grows with us and hers was no exception.
celtic queen
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So he withdrew from me.
It didn’t make her feel better.
Jealousy is like that. It’s never enough.
i read this again and again
i feel it
its the truth'
specially the last sentence "Jealousy is like that. It’s never enough."
if we could skip the jealousy from our life then how beautiful it would be
anyway nice poem
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heart touched
Cynthia I am heart touched with this write
how sad that jealousy ate away but also a deep
sense of insecurity..I can relate to this..
your depth of feeling poured out in this
incredible read
I was so moved
So sad that she had never learnt
but so sad that it visited upon you
now you can view it for what it was
but never the less painful
it will take a while before
the imagery you have so brilliantly conveyed
will leave me!! sending you so much love
and warm hugs
s Lib x x 
s
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Jealousy is a horrible thing. It eats your from the inside out. A terribe thing for anyone to go through, especially a child! Your last two lines were very powerful, sending the message that many of us feel time and time again. Very beautiful. I Felt it.
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So sad... The last stanza is so powerful...
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Such a sad trip down memory lane, but a very well written piece, great job!
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Gosh that is sad. To feel that way in life unwanted. You will never forget but the pain will hopefully soon fade.
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Oh my lord. The mother thing? I wonder how we can not pass this horrible stuff on to our children. Now, when the phone rings, I run down the garden in case it's my elderly mother with another emotional volley. And what she's done to me..................................... ah, but she forgets. Trouble is, I don't. x
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Nor do I, Deb. I'm wondering how long the memories will last now that she's gone. They don't seem to be fading any. Cynthia
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I fear to do what is in my 'blood'. Acutally, I'm nothing like my mother. (There is a god) And my daughter and I love each other to bits. Even my two boys are huggers. I still just feel I have to 'rub out' my mother. She makes emotional demands on us all that are minimal yet huge. It's cleverly done. She knows the 'dad' button to press with me to have me sobbing. My poor sister is 8 years younger than me and, thus, had 8 years less sense from our father and grandparents. She attempted suicide 2 months ago. Luckily she's still here. But mum was there 'helping' and managed to fully explain all the details to my nephew (aged 10). Left to my dotty mother, my sister would not be here now. Mum was going to get the GP (general practitioner or family doctor down the road - not sure what term you have for this is US) to come out for a home visit. Luckily she asked us for advice. The ambulance came. But the fall out is awful. Up late writing to you and waiting to hear from my sad messed up sister. She's 46 and feeling like a child. Cynthia, just accept that your dad did love and your mum didn't. I write about dad now and again. It helps. Love to you. x Debs x
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Great poem. I like the simple (not simplistic!) way it tells a story of jealousy and human interaction and how it poses a question to think about at the end. Well done.
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A heartfelt write. Jealous is never pretty, especially so when it's aimed at a young child. Thank you for sharing this piece with us. All the best to you.
e~
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