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wreckage

iron bars of
rip tide
bind this heart
to the ocean floor


love big as
titanic's ship
broken
and drawn to the bottom


above, all seems calm
whispered sighs
of greyish salty breeze
cascade over the wreckage


as we walk hand in hand
fingers slipping apart
i hold for dear life
but you,
you willingly let go


i try swimming back
but the current
the soothing waves
pull me away from you
and into the
darkness of the shadows
of saturated sand.

Author notes

Option six and option one. <3

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Flames-of-Furey
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'iron bars of
    rip tide
    bind this heart
    to the ocean floor'

    a great and original take to my prompt. The sea for once after all the poems in this competition so far is masculine

    'whispered sighs
    of greyish salty breeze
    cascade over the wreckage'

    your description here is impressive your use of colour and advanced literature graet metaphorical language where the water 'cascades over the wreckage'

    'as we walk hand in hand
    fingers slipping apart
    i hold for dear life
    but you,
    you willingly let go'

    the unstable love and tragic side of the sea and love which is the first poem ive read so far to have this opinion. I like the way the persona grips for love and the other wants to let go a great emotional description of some relationships.

    'into the
    darkness of the shadows
    of saturated sand'

    a great set of words for the ending where the shadows begin to creep into the picture and you have darkness and tragedy.
    fantastic ideas greart take and reference to titanic.
    truly inspiring.
    good luck


  • love my jose luis
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I pictured the very last scean of Titanic here... you know the part where they are in the water after the boat goes down. I don't know why, but I really liked this poem... I just like love poems, they make me so happy and giddy when I read them. Good luck in my contest.
    ~Maria