i sit with my arms
around my legs,
feeling so numb.
wishing I was invisible,
so I could just walk away.
Wishing, I had never met you.
Wishing, I had never seen your face.
Sadness creeps up
and grabs me in my throat
tears choke....
I love you.
I hate you.
I just want to go.
but,you will never let me,
I am chained to your side.
stuck,
in this stagnant place.
aching for something
to set me free.
how can I be free
when I can't find me?
I thought you were my salvation
but turns out
you were my remuneration..
my punishment for sins past
I don't know how much longer I can last.
My sanity is slipping away
with the power of a mudslide
I try to be strong
I try to get by
but all I can do
Is lay here and cry.
Tears that come from no where
Tears that have no base
come streaming in a steady down pour
down my face
I lose my grip, with much haste
I lose all sense..of time and space...
but you don't see..you never see
does it really matter?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Astounding
"how can I be free
when I can't find me?" <-- Probably my favorite line I've ever read in all honesty. Its the truth. We can't truly ever be free unless we can find ourselves and allow the freedom we so badly need.
I feel as if you write this expressly for me. Something to calm my mood tonight and allow me to just breathe.
She doesn't see. She doesn't understand. She'll never go away. Something I struggle with daily.
Well done. I hope to read more.
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this is alright,its like i read it before there are so many like this.
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The makings of a good poem, plenty of emotion and reflective ideas but needs to be condensced more, otherwise it loses intensity by too much repetition. I like the first 3 stanzas best, perhaps less rhyming?
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Towards the middle of the poem you get very into the passion that started the writing.
Although, I feel that you may have lost headway towards the end, not that vocabulary makes a poem, but it does help to mature the writing and I feel that you lost that towards the end.
Otherwise, nice job.
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I think you need to spend more time writing. Not to say that your writing is bad, it just lacks personality. I mean, when I read this I think that it could have been anyone. There is a difference between Whitman and Poe, as there should be. Keep writing, practice will bring better things. Don't quit the quill just yet.
-Clay
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I like the lines in the middle starting with I thought you were my salvation...
I think I have written many poems like this as well. This has a lot of the same emotion packed into this poem that I have written about as well. Great job!
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