This is the sensation that shows me ‘why’,
The love that's felt by
the sharp edge on the sword and the bullet point.
The beginning of something, the taste of fear and the sting of isolation,
the heart's skipped beat,
this is ejaculation, this is a searing burn, it's what you want when you have nothing to want.
This is what you need when you have nothing.
We search for the edge of the spherical, look for the beginning and end of the line,
this is the fastest train never on time.
This is unpredictable, an incalculable mess, this is heaven my love - this is bliss,
this is crying, and laughing, and pissing,
and cooking,
this is looking.
This is eyes closed at the Sistine Chapel,
In hospital, this is a no smoking sign -
It’s a cigarette, absence of repercussions,
and Cancer
This is your one and only eternal chance,
Freedom
-use wisely-
Author notes
Please comment and critique. I try to return all comments left.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I'm stalking a poetic genius [you!]
Haha.
"This is eyes closed at the Sistine Chapel"
I love this. -
this is... wow! i had to read through a couple of times before commentng, becuase this piece is so different and thought-provoking. the concepts and imagery were all so vivid and engaging!
i think its a little bit difficult to understand in places, but thats also part of the appeal, as it makes the reader really think about your words, and the depth involved. i especially loved:
it's what you want when you have nothing to want.
This is what you need when you have nothing.
damn thats intense!
i loved this. great work!
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On a site where I read a lot of nonsense, it's nice to see something that's different and thought-provoking. I love each image created here but especially those of the first two stanzas. Intriguing write.
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Breath of fresh air. You know when you're reading tiredly through poem after poem and everything seems poorly written or insincere or overworked? That's how I was feeling before I read this.
Last stanza in particular is spot on: 'this is eyes closed at the Sistine Chapel'. This is what a poem should do - it should make the reader think, 'yes, why haven't I thought of it that way before?' It's putting something differently to make it seem (conversely) more familiar, more recognisable.
Lovely. -
Wow. You use very powerful words here, and lots of things I don't understand. You have a strong way with words. I like how you used them. It seemed very professional. Very... I don't know. I really liked some of the rhyming too. It fit very good. And the flow was very good, too.
I can't really find anything wrong with it ~ or anything to fix.
You are an amazing writer. Great job!
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I like this a lot!
The meaning of it confused me a bit, but near the end (the whole thing about smoking) made it much clearer. Its like having to choose between what you love, and whats best for you!
Great write!
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there is an extra a in the line about the train.
i really like this. its everything and nothing in some ways. love and death, opposites and things the same. i love it
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thanks for the heads up - consider it edited! and thanks for the kind words!
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