she loves to rock my boat
just like the sea
her essence in the spray
all over me
struggling to stay afloat
when she despairs
calmly can make my way
when e'er she cares
my heart is caught deep in
her majesty
trapped in her ebb and flow
yet, I feel free
this awe I can't keep in
a bottle thrown
with message so she'll know
I am her own
I'm smitten with thoughts of
what is to be
of raging ocean or
the calmest sea
destination of love
this journey ours
will sail through sunset for
the moon and stars
Author notes
Options 6&7
Made the form up - just felt it.
In a list
A contest entry
- Does the Ocean break upon your Heart? by Flames-of-Furey.
488 points, ended February 11, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Beautiful poem!
Loved the imagery and rhythm of this piece. Nicely done. Favorite lines,
my heart is caught deep in
her majesty
trapped in her ebb and flow
Geat job and best of luck in the contest.
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'she loves to rock my boat
just like the sea
her essence in the spray
all over me'
opening quatraine is really goodthe rhyme mirrors the movement of the sea and the similie at the beginning is well written
'my heart is caught deep in
her majesty'
realy nice regal description how love can be royal and how special it is.
'a bottle thrown
with message so she'll know
I am her own'
really nice description and traditional image of devotion with letters and bottles linked with rescue.
'I'm smitten with thoughts of
what is to be
of raging ocean or
the calmest sea'
favorite part of this poem how you describe love as turbulent and as changeable as the sea. well written
'destination of love
(this)try- the journey(is?)ours- consider this improve your metter
(we)will sail through sunset(s)
the moon(s) and the stars'
brackets things you could changed your option
great poem metter went off slightly in places but a fantastic poem and your links and ideas are fantastic.
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This flows like magic and the image is pure beauty. I like this form. I think you should give it a name.
Love,
Amera♥
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OK. I'll name the form aBc Bad cd. That's the rhyme scheme of every stanza. ABC bad CD for short.
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this is why you made my AP Poetry page as one of the best form poets on this site...I love the power of this, at least, the power it gives ME as the reader...it is a beautiful write, Allan...Love, Lane
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very nice imagery, flow and language. Good luck in this contest.
blessings,
Michelle
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